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Feeling Positive

Hi Guys, I logged on to make this post and was even happier to see Sue's upbeat post too.

I have been on Citalopram 11 days now and have been off work for last week and this week coming. Every day has been a slight improvement but I don't know how much of it is attributed to the drug and how much to simply being away from the triggers at work.

Mid week I was at my local and a friend enquired into how my work concerns were going, I decided to tell him about the stress and depression. I took him to one side and was not concerned about how he might react but more as to whether I could tell him without bursting into tears in public. I did start to tense up but held it together so was really pleased.

Then on Friday night my brother rang, back in September I went up to stay and we had a heart to heart about the work issue and he caused me to break down into tears. So we both avoided the topic for the rest of the stay. Since then we have only spoken on the phone once briefly. I had decided to not tell him about the depression and anti-depressents until I feel ready. So I fired questions at him to keep him away from asking about me and then he ran out of time and needed to dash, he quickly said at the end 'and how are you' to which I said all upbeat, 'oh fine, no big issues'. We then lost the signal. Lying to my brother like that would normally have made me burst into tears at the end and would have left me extremely low for the rest of the night. But instead, I took a deep breath in and thought, in your own time girl and got on with supper. So chuffed.

Today, I cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom, fronts, top of the units (yuk), the lot. Then walked the dogs and came back and cleaned the 'family' silver and brass which was probably last done 3 years ago. I then thought what next!

I do fully appreciate though that right now, I still have no game plan for addressing work, but at least the emotions are in control and the head clearer, so hopefully next week I can start on the long term solution.

I am lucky that I appear to be getting back in control quickly and this makes me even more respectful of those of you who have struggled for so long. Good luck to you all and thanks for your support so far.


2 Replies

I'm so glad that things are looking up for you, I think getting out of the house really helps. Even when getting out feels like a lot of effort, I find that it makes me feel as though I've achieved something. Funny how the small every day things that we do would ordinarily come naturally without little thought and yet when we feel so low it feels like looking at a mountain. I also took a positive step today and returned to work after 3 weeks sick leave (mostly through recovering from appendicitis, but I also fell back into a dark place for a short while). I found getting to work the hardest part and felt a bit overwhelmed when I first switched on my computer but I survived the day. It helps that this time round I have a more understanding manager who let me settle back in my own time.

Make sure you take your time with going back to work, last time I went back too soon and was in tears before I'd reached the door, but at the same time I do find that getting in to a 'normal' routine has helped me. You know what is right for you though x



I'm glad you have had a good period too. I find they come and go but do think it's important to share the ups as well as the downs, it makes depression feel more normal instead of feeling like a pit in which it's barely possible to feel human!

It's really good that you were able to share how you were feeling with the friend, it takes a lot of courage to tell people at first but gradually I came to realise that anyone who is worth knowing will care and want to understand.



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