My boyfriend's family hates me and he... - Mental Health Sup...

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My boyfriend's family hates me and he isn't strong enough to stand up to them. But he's the love of my life. Should I leave him?

TruthSeeker18 profile image
7 Replies

First of all let me say that we're an interracial couple. I'm black and he's white. We've been together 1 year and 7 months. Our love story is a magical one but within the last few months his family has revealed their true colors and how they really feel about me. His grandmother is a racist witch who can't stand her grandson having a black girlfriend. She insulted me about my dad many times (my parents aren't together and had me out of wedlock). She asked if I've ever met my dad and do we even know that he's my dad because his name isn't on my birth certificate. I know right? Who asks that kind of stuff? But his parents lately have been constantly trying to make him doubt our relationship. I come from a rough financial background and even now I struggle with money because while I admit I can be irresponsible, it's because I owe my mother a lot of rent for the months I spent struggling to find a job because no one wanted me. I'm in a good place now and am working 2 jobs to make ends meet but I still have little to no savings because I've spent the last few months giving most of my paychecks to my mom to pay her back. I actually just finished paying her off. And during this time he has been paying for just about everything we do with me paying for stuff here and there where I could. Even if I begged him not to pay for things he would because he just wanted to. But I was grateful and always found little ways to make it up to him and promised I would make it up to him by paying for a lot of stuff as soon as I did have good money again. But they interpreted that as me using him. And tried to get him to set "boundaries" with me as if I was some evil temptress luring him into my trap. Of course any parent would be a little concerned in this scenario. But that doesn't mean they should jump to thinking their child's S.O. is evil and more importantly they should trust in their child that they know how to take care of themselves and wouldn't allow themselves to be taken advantage of. If they think so little of their son then whose fault is that? If he's as spineless and clueless as they seem to think then they're the ones who made him that way by sheltering him his whole life, never allowing him to experience things, get hurt and make mistakes. He doesn't understand the negative aspects of life as much as he should because he was shielded from them. They should not be projecting that onto me as if its my fault. I've done everything I could to get them to like me. I have been polite and respectful, I've given gifts, I've been really sweet to his younger siblings. They seemed like such great people and all I wanted was to be part of their family. But obviously it was never enough. And this whole time they spent being nice to me was fake. Because now his horrible grandmother made up some lie about me and his mother believed it so easily that she is angry and calling some sort of family meeting to sort it out. But his grandmother has been emotionally abusive to her too and to everyone in their family. They all hate her. She is mean, she puts words in people's mouths and she lies all the time. She called his mother to say all this stuff about me and at no point did she ever think to herself that she might be lying? Is she that stupid? Or does she hate me that much that she would believe a lying manipulator who has hurt her a lot over me who has done nothing to deserve anyone's hatred? And he's just sitting here not knowing what to do or what to say as usual. Like I said situations like this have been happening over the last few months but this is the worst one yet. And this is the nail in the coffin that proves his family will never respect me or accept me as a daughter-in-law. I will never be good enough for them or him in their eyes. He has a choice. Either he wants to be with me or he doesn't. But he can't say he loves me and then subject me to this torture. I'm so angry I could punch a hole in the wall. I don't want to leave him, I don't want to be with anyone but him but I can't do this anymore and I don't know if he has the strength to put an end to it. What do I do? Please tell me.

7 Replies
BLuTO214 profile image
BLuTO214

Leave him trust me

HEADMASHED profile image
HEADMASHED

If ur other half cannot stand up to his family for the woman he loves then he's not worth it luv. I would move heaven and earth to defend my other half and as for being racist towards u and ur family theres no place for that in this word. I know u love him but he's gotta make a decision stand up to idiots or get rid of him YES it will hurt and break ur heart but u r strong enough to get thru it... good luck....

TruthSeeker18 profile image
TruthSeeker18 in reply to HEADMASHED

You're right. I know both of you are right. But I just don't know if I can leave him. It's so hard.

HEADMASHED profile image
HEADMASHED in reply to TruthSeeker18

A friend of mine went thru something similar and it took of a lot of sitting down and being honest with each other. U love each other and u both love ur own family...ask him how much he loves u look straight at his eyes and ask him cos the eyes never lie and if he looks straight at u without moving them u have ur answer but if he looks anywhere else apart from ur eyes when he says I love u he's not committed to u... wht I'm trying to say if the man truly loves u and wants u then he must look his own family in their eyes and tell them this is who I love and want to be with if he cannot say that to them I'm sorry love but in my eyes he's not a man and needs to grow a pair ... nothing would stop me from defending the woman I love not even my family... a true man defends his woman no matter who it is....

TruthSeeker18 profile image
TruthSeeker18 in reply to HEADMASHED

That's sweet of you to say. And I'm sorry for your friend. He and I have arranged a meeting this Monday with his Nan (his maternal grandmother) with just the 2 of us and her and I am going to lay it all on the line for her and him. Because no matter what I have said I can not manage to get through to him. But if someone in his family can actually understand my feelings and know the truth about what's really going on here, someone who really means the world to him, maybe she can get through to him. And maybe she can get his parents and sister to see reason about how they have treated me. She's been very very sweet to me and is obviously a good person. While I don't expect her to agree with everything I say and feel I know she'll at least listen with an open mind. And if she does see my side of things she will give it to all of them straight. I don't know what the result will be but I think this talk with his Nan will help us. It's time he start realizing the severity of the pain this is causing me and the severity of how close he is to losing me all because of his family's selfishness and his unwillingness to put me ahead of them. But I will say quickly that he finally broke down and said the real reason why he doesn't want to cut off his parents from his life is that he doesn't want to lose his little brother and sister. Cause of course their kids. If his parents are mad at him they do have the power to keep him from them. He loves them so much and doesn't want to risk that. So with that in mind I'm a little less angry. I don't know what it's like to love a sibling because I'm an only child. But I still understand him in that regard.

HEADMASHED profile image
HEADMASHED

That's sad bout the kids but would they use them against him that would blackmail luv and when u sit down with his Nan tell her that as well she sounds like a good person...good luck to u both .let me know how it works out.....

TruthSeeker18 profile image
TruthSeeker18 in reply to HEADMASHED

I don't even know what to believe about that anymore. All I can say is how can he just keep on preaching that his parents are kind understanding people if he himself is so afraid that they would do that to him and the kids. Would good kind understanding people cut their son off from his little siblings just because of their feelings towards him? I would never do that. The only reason I would ever cut one of my children off from the others is if that child was a serious threat to them and us (i.e. a dangerous sociopath of some kind). Even if it gets to the point where I want to cut that child from my life I won't try to keep them from my other children. I could never be so heartless. Yes I will update you with what happens on Monday. Fingers crossed. And thank you for all your support. 💖

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