Very recently i reached out for help from friends and health professionals, maybe this is a start of positive change, but right now things still feel the same.
I've spent a majority of my life if I hating myself, ignoring and hiding depression, thoughts of suicide and times have made plans to take my own life. I'd always use the strategy of setting myself a date take my life and have always been able to talk myself out of it by that day, the last 8 months it's been harder and harder to talk myself out of it and on a handful of occasions I've been really close to ending my life. last 8 months I've been having panic attacks anxiety attacks developed social anxiety just constant breakdowns of sobbing and crying and not being able to breathe. There's not one thing that triggers this it seems that anything can bring on those feelings of self hate, lack of worth, no direction and not wanting to be here. I feel like I've been in the cycle depression for the past 35 years it's something that I've never really dealt with. It's ruined relationships with some amazing people and it's left me feeling lonely isolated and with thoughts that there's only one way to actually stop this. So this last week I've I've looked into support and help from friends from family and from my doctor, I'm now waiting a mental health assessment and just hope this is the start of things getting better. But sometimes it just feels like this will be how my life is, it feels like I will just return to these feelings these dark thoughts and feeling of not wanting to be here anymore and I really don't want that to be the case.
Written by
JackieDaytona
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No a lot has changed in that you are admitting for the first time that you need help. This is massive so well done. It can be a long road to recovery but you are taking the first steps.
Think how long it took you to get to this state so it will take time before you reap the benefits but you will so hold on to that. Well done.
Treatment pathways should help you understand why and how you feel, hopefully given time you will move on. However remember sorting out your problems is not a one way street you will need to meet your therapist half way and learn how to help your self. It is never easy although very rewarding when you to move on in a more positive way
Consider Diversions and hobbies to take you mind of those negative thoughts and get over the causes of your problems
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