I really don’t know what to do anymore..

[M_young]

Wow! 2 years on and I’m still here- (Look at my past posts) Time has definitely flown, but I’m still the way I am. I just don’t get what I do wrong. Nothing ever goes to plan. I’m not 17 and I still feel so lonely and sad all the time. I’m now in the last year of sixth form/ college and I have no friends. I just don’t get why no one likes me. Especially in the family. I have so much going on in my head and there’s no one for me to speak to. The people I know (‘my “friends” ) won’t get it and I would never ever ever talk about anything personal to my family! Not after my past! Of all the sneaky and sly things my family have done to me. The only person I talk to now is God. Only he can understand but sometimes I think does God really understand if all the things I am going through. I wish I had that special someone to just speak to about my feelings and school and life or anything in general but I don’t have anyone. I can’t seem to get overly past.- Everything that happened in school, at home in sixth form. All I do now is sit up at night all alone and do nothing. I can’t always get to sleep so I just.. I really don’t know. I wish I had that freedom to make friends but I never did. My family never let me go out and they still never do. I wasn’t able to go to birthday meals or just out with my “friends” ( not friends anymore tho) I felt left out and so I stopped hanging around with them or vice versa. I feel like everything had been ruined for me. From the age of 11-17 now. It really has! It isn’t fair. I just wanted to be a normal kid who had friends that actually cared and had a friend group, was able to go out and whatever friends do- I really don’t know because I never got that freedom to. I hate myself for not speaking up or asking questions as to why I was never allowed. I would sit at night crying almost everyday back in high school in year 9, 10, 11 and still to this day I do. I think I’m even afraid of people now, new people, strangers because I don’t know many people. Afraid to meet new people and be in new places and areas. Be sure ive never actually been out of my home town and if I did it was either on holiday to another country or somegring to do with school, but other than that knowhere. I’m a 17 year old, lonely girl with no friends or life, that EVERYONE hates (even my own family members) that is looked down upon. I was bullied mostly all my life too so I don’t know what I expected after high school tbh. I was called all sorts. It tore me apart and to this day no one even knows. The “family” don’t care. I don’t know why but they don’t. I wish they did tho but they don’t. And out of all the kids in the family I’m the most mature and sensible and they know, yet I never got the freedom they got. I don’t know why. But it hurts so bad. It really does. None of them get it. They don’t understand. They’ll be nights where I just think “why am I still here, no one cares about me” “who even am I? I’m a nobody” and it’s true I am no one. No one knows me. And everyone always says “People care, they’ll always be someone for you to talk to, you need to talk to people about the way your feeling, don’t give up etc..” That’s what people say, people’s social media posts, people in general even. But that’s a LIE! I DID talk to a pastoral manager in school and my form teacher but they did no help! And people do not care! Trust me on that one they really don’t. You can’t just talk to anyone, it doesn’t work like that! And me, well I have given up. I gave up a long long time ago. How can someone like me even live. I am grateful for everything! Believe me I am. My house, clothes, food, education, etc.. but I feel like my family ruined the rest of my life for me from the age of 11 to now and they are still. I’ve ended up with nothing! A great big nothing! They should have let me live, make new friends, be able to go out, even just for a walk with them but hey never did. It always me at fault. In there eyes i’m a burden. Especially to my parents. But I will never understand why I was treated like that and still am getting treated the way I am. Never!

Sorry if this was so long to read.

[Hidden]

Many people in school get bullied at various times however that can be made worse because the bullied become a victim and other children seem to pick up on a self fulfilling problem.

My parents and siblings used to pick on me and that made me even more a victim that could wear His heart on His sleeve. Because of that problems became self fulfilling and lasted throughout my life. It was even directed by family when I was at work. Now a Pensioner I have very little to do with my family,

What is causing your problems can I help

BOB