I’m a terrible girlfriend : Please don... - Mental Health Sup...

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I’m a terrible girlfriend

CrazyWonky
CrazyWonky

Please don’t judge me but tonight I’m feeling stressed and upset. I really love my boyfriend and I don’t want to ruin my relationship. My boyfriend loves me a lot but has gotten so annoyed with me. I have anxiety and insecurities. I’m clingy and disrespectful. I’m sensitive and emotional. There are a lot of issues I need to work on but they have pushed my boyfriend away. I’m causing him to resent me.

My boyfriend is very loving and forgiving. He tries to be understanding and supportive and he’s patient. I have apologized so many times and I tell him I will change but I always go back to doing the same things. Please understand I want to change and I feel terrible for acting crazy.

My issues cause a lot of fights and recently, like a few days ago we had a fight. The fight could have easily been avoided if I was respectful towards him. We have talked since and the fight is resolved except I’m still feeling terrible and for a good reason.

Last night I was looking at old messages, the good, sweet and loving messages and it made me feel worse than the fight. I could really see how much he loves me and cares for me. It meant more to me than the first time I read them. They made me feel like a terrible girlfriend.

I just mostly needed to talk about this with someone but if anyone has words of encouragement or any advice, I would love to hear it. I really want to know if anyone was in this same situation and what methods helped you change.

11 Replies
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Hello, welcome

If a relationship is not working because of arguments, you need to address the problems. Fights are a real problem especially if they cause injury. No reason does not come into it your are making a mess of each other the Relationship is becoming toxic. Can you imagine if you get married etc, how this relationship could develop

You both need to sort it or get out of the relationship

I do not know where you are in the world, so I do not know how you relate to Partners, although I know sometimes problems are not one sided and the Man can be controlling of the Woman and this can cause problems so the negativity is pushed onto the woman as the problem was Orchestrated

How can we help

BOB

Our relationship is not toxic. Fights aren’t the issue.

What happened in our relationship is my fault and I can admit it. Our problems are usually one sided and they are caused by me. My boyfriend gets upset with me and has every right.

My boyfriend isn’t perfect but I’m responsible for my own actions. I’m aware of my mistakes. I have many insecurities, I worry a lot and I overreact. If they weren’t affecting him, it wouldn’t be an issue but I have been disrespectful.

What I need is self control.

What are your self control issues, can we help.

I know in my case before I got married, I remember it can take two to Tango ?

BOB

I my self have been in this situation, I am now facing losing my family because of my mental health I am in peaces over it my BPD has ruined my life I am still hopping that after all this is over with the specialist will prove that it wasn’t my fault and I will be aloud back home,

I find that you have to work on your self I know this can be tricky and you may trip up along the way you should try explaining to your bf that how you are feeling may cause arguments between you both this way this could be avoided totally I am struggling my self I have thought I am worthless and so on to my partner I love so much, I have been in a dark place for some years now I find that I have pushed her away once and managed to get her to come back now she’s been taken to court because the authorities are saying she put my need before the children how ever this isn’t the case I can do things my self it’s the bills that would need paying my self care washing and so on and taking medication as I would forget.

Sounds like your been hard on your self and really you shouldn’t be you should be focusing on the moment the past is the past as my partner would say the future is where you’re going so try to stop dwelling on stuff and move forward the help is out there you just need to reach out for it I went to A+E and they sent me to a crisis house because I was feeling suicidal still am but I am not giving up my family mean so much to me I know we may have argued and such but that’s my BPD and brain injury I find that because we have had to separate things have become harder for my self I am not aloud home or to have contact with our children I am only aloud once a week for 30 minutes over Skype or snapchat video call breaks my heart to be honest but I am fighting for them

Hey 👋🏻 I know how you feel! I was actually in the same boat not long ago with my boyfriend. It’s hard i’m not going to lie but I’ve realized that he cares for me. Things will get better but you just have to wait it out sometimes and help yourself. I tried distancing myself a bit and keeping myself busy which helps a bit but I miss him too much when i do that because i get so attached to people. Just try and keep yourself busy. i’m sorry i dont have all the best advice but i’m going through the same thing. You need to tell him how you’re feeling like how you told us. you’re not alone ❤️ hugs !!

My boyfriend does care about me and is always trying to put himself in my shoes once he has calmed down himself. Waiting is difficult but so necessary because it will get better. Thank you for your time and kind words. 💕

of course! if you ever want to chat please PM me ❤️

Sure, I will, thank you 😊

HiddenThis reply has been deleted
Jackstoll
Jackstoll
in reply to Hidden

That's true and not true at the same time. I know you're showing your encouragement but you can't ask too much from the boy as from the story, he already give a lot of encouragement and patient for her. as the comment above, it takes two to tango, you cant ask for understanding if you arent understanding. by this I didnt mean she isn't being understanding tho. Again, I just wanna give my opinion about your opinion. thankyou

You're a sweet girl. It must've been hard for your current state. I am stressed myself. But if you think you give too much trouble for your boyfriend, why don't you give her a sweet moment once in a while. like make him cake or being sweet (say nice and sweet words about him, making poems or sing for him) just to make him happy. It might be not much but I think it'll be enough until you're in a good state. It's fine to be not okay but don't be too hard for yourself. Don't forget to self-love and give your boyfriend your love too! both of you deserve it.

much love,

Jack

You shouldn't have to change to please your boyfriend. When you got together you were you, and you are still you. You may be suffering with some mental health issues, but what you need is help and support, not judgement, arguments and fights. Anxiety is a horrible thing, and it makes you question everything in your life. I can be irrational, such as thinking everyone is talking about you behind your back, but it does make you very insecure. Maybe your boyfriend is not up to helping you settle your insecurities, you may think he loves you, but if he can't deal with how you are when you are at a low point, and it is causing fights, consider if you would feel much better if you were not always trying to live up to his expectations. You say that it is all your fault and you accept that, but it is only because of your anxiety and insecurities.

Why don't you suggest having a break from your relationship. I am sure you will feel so much better when the pressure to be a better person is taken away. Give yourself time to heal, and if this boyfriend does really love you, he will wait for you. You really don't need the pressure of trying to be the perfecy girlfriend when your head is all over the place. Please give yourself a break, at the moment, you are being the best version of yourself that you can manage, but it will get better.

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