just want to rant ..**trigger warning ..self harm**

[guitarfreak357]

been battling with a trauma which led to depression for 2 and a half years now. slowly coming down on the pills (citalopram). i ran out the other day nd had to wait longer due to my pharmacy sending them somewhere else. on the way home i cried because before I didnt know ehat to do and before i went on the pills (Sept 2017) id pretty much given up on life i stopped eating and my body was shutting down. anyways when i got home i thought about self harming i have done this a coupla years ago i didnt do it but i just wanted to feel something. I've been losing my temper with people in my office the past coupla days (not being on pills), and just making excuses saying I feel sick rather than explaining to them. i have made the brave decision to lower my dose from 20mg to 10mg which I will start tomorrow morning. before I ran out of pills i was doing amazing but the pressure of home life n my parents kicking me out if i get signed off work will just put me back. theyre older and dont understand what depression is. i've had three bad spells if you like the past coupla years and i don't know how many more times i will bounce back. i don't expect any replies i just had to rant and get this off my chest. thank you soo much for reading

[Hidden]

I just want to say "I'm glad ur here with us" n sharing what u r going through.Its not easy..i know.

Live in the now n today,u can't predict the future n u will make urself worse trying to be one step ahead of urself.

Please be careful with lowering ur meds.is it by doctors orders?

It took me 6 years to get off all the meds docs said I couldnt n shoukdnt,but I did .Withdrawals r horrific..especially the ones docs don't tell u or don't know about.Oh crap Im rambling..so take a deep breathe,take a 15 minute vacation from ur brain,do "u"..distract with a movie,food,music,pet.

We all need this ..life is tough,then have med issues on top,it freaking sucks.

Everyone is here to help.

Best to ya😀

[guitarfreak357 in reply to Hidden]

thank you hipposlove1 means a lot! yeah doc thinks im ready i have been doing a lot better its just i ran out off pills n the withdrawals screwed me over. yh i can relate i felt like I went back to who i was before I went on the pills I cudnt begin to describe it.

my guinea pig is a massive distraction gives me a sense of belonging and that I have to care for her. you finished your meds?

[Hidden in reply to guitarfreak357]

Yeah..took me 6 years and only help from docs was writing the dosage down on my scripts.That was too much..so I would cut the dosage into quarters in order to lessen my withdrawls and did it my way.There way, was way too quick and dosage too high, n would have landed me in the hospital.They knew what I was doing and never changed my script,because they said I COULDNT do it.When I did it..they were shocked and congratulated me..but guess what...they wanted to put me on a new med....HECK NO....

Sometimes u have to know ur own body..and let them know this.

Good ya have a pet...