I understand. I am just restarting medication after having coped for the last 4 years; and either I live feeling permanently sad and disconnected or in false medicated contentment.

I feel like the goal of the meds is to give us better ability to work through our issues.

For me it was quality of life. I couldn't live the way I was. I needed help which came in the form of a pill and therapy.

I hope you weaned yourself off the med?

You could get brain zaps. I am prescribed dexedrine and when I don’t take it for a while, I used to get these electrical current sensation through my brain. Nobody ever talks about this with any stimulant medication, only SSRI’s. What symptoms are you experiencing?

I can 100% relate to this. Although this is anonymous just know that you are not alone. I really struggled to take the medication as I still had the same thoughts and a lot of negative experiences that I couldn't remove just by taking a pill.

There is no normal, this is cliche but hand on heart it doesn't exist.

You are extremely strong to make the decision to take yourself off the medication, I'm no doctor so whether you should or shouldn't i cannot advise on but you must have some strength left to stand up for yourself and stop yourself doing what you feel is making you worse. It's not for everyone, maybe not you and definitely me but there are other options.

Please don't give up and thank you for reaching out onto a site full of strangers, it's the hardest thing to do. People have time for you, I came across this site to do my uni work but i saw your post and i couldn't just turn a blind eye. Please work through this and please try to book a GP appointment or give some phone calls to help lines, i completely get all this will mean nothing whilst you are in this headset but don't let your depression make you stubborn, don't let it trick you into thinking it won't ever get better because it will, it'll be good some days and bad others but you are so strong and we are fighters.