Its hard to complain when others have it worse and reading the stories on here sometimes make me grateful to be able to walk, talk, and such...but...I am going to complain here. However I will make it look like a plea for help, which it is too, but its also a complaint.
This has been my month- Went to a physical set up by my health insurance company and when I got there they doctors office told me my insurance was cancelled. Come home to my shared apt. with food to cook and find that the kitchen sink cannot be used (still broken).First Thanksgiving since my mom and uncle passed away, my mom always hosted TG for our extended family, is coming up and I go home to find my dad remodling the dining room and threatening to throw out the serviceware. Came out to slime all over one side of my car because the street sweeper decided to come early, get a carwash tip alot to make sure its cleaned, come out of car wash park get a ticket by sanitation and while reading the ticket the street sweeper passes by my again and gets street dust on my cleaned car. I go to use a friends kitchen and showere take my clothes off and I have multiple bite marks/rash marks on my legs (bed bugs?) I call my lawyer for SS trial date after he ignores my calls and emails for a week only to find out dispite my best efforts to remind him that he never got the medical records from the main mental insitution I go to and we have trial in less than a week. He asks me how I am doing and I tell him bad, lost my health insurance etc... and he tells me you might have bed bugs? I need to tell the judge that and our case can be delayed, I tell him I have red dots and severe OCD and have no proof of any bed bugs and he says that is acceptable (ITs the truth thuough I get skin issues like excema). I just read a thing on health unlocked about a poor guy who had something in his ear he picked off that kept growing back that turned out to be rhymes with answer and I have been picking something on my ear for the past two months and now my OCD is inoverdrive feeling guilty for mentioning this and complaining and worrying if reading his story is a sign but I do not have health insurance. On top of this I have no social interactions for about 95 percent of the week. I only have a friend from an art class I take and we mostly chat for a short while in class and my ex who kicked me out of our apartment for having OCD and we are trying to be friends and thank God she is helping me get organized. I am extremely lonely, I walk around staring at nature and buildings. They are my encouragment to keep existing. However I am not able to keep up with all the set backs and problems, from losing my mother, uncle, my apartment, my partner, my friends, losing my job, living out of my car, to having my father reconstruct the house and threatening to toss out remembrances of my mother, then just the city things like endless ticktes to fight, mice, crittiers, and having severe OCD, 4 years of trying to get help from social services - Nami wasting my time and energy - I feel I am sinking and sinking and soon I will be sucked under.
I know there are possitive stories, like the one shared today which gives me great hope that even at the darkest hour miracles do happen, and I don't need a miracle, I need a dinner that is not by myself surrounded by strangers at other tables, a conversation about life, watching a movie with a nother person, been alone for about 5 months - I just need a person to say I know what you are going through and it sucks...I know today a young person loses there life, a child isn't born, a person in a wheel chair struggles to make a can of soup, I dont have any of those worries and I am grateful but I feel like a statue in the park and just want to talk to everyone passing me by.