Can I ever be normal?: I am always... - Mental Health Sup...

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Can I ever be normal?

Ckstout profile image
18 Replies

I am always watching others. They always seem to have it all together. They have these neat little lives. I so bad want that. My life always seems like a mess. My life is like riding a car over a road with big pits in it. My house is never gets to the point of being nice and neat. I always think I will get organized one of these days. Then I go through severe depression every winter and have a hard time climbing out. The strange thing is , that I always do climb out. I was thinking who determines what is normal? What if someone else is looking at my life and wishes there life was as easy as my life. I really think it’s all in how we view it. What if we just embraced our own lives , no matter how messy they are. Not comparing our selfs to anyone, which is so hard. But what if I didn’t , just think what life would be. We have no idea what others go through. I want to try to embrace and enjoy my life no matter how messy it is. I know the grass always seems greener on the other side but it’s not!! That is always a lie!!! I want to hear what others think about normal.

18 Replies

You ask a great philosophical question in what is normal. I don't know and if you asked a thousand people, normal is just normal or you'll get a thousand different variations. I think month to month or year to year, what I think to be "normal" changes. Maybe we're already normal, but we refuse to see it as a form of "normal". I think the same goes for antidepressants; some people get on them and then expect perspective to go from lows to immense highs...when really it's just to get on with daily "normal" life. It's these times and these questions that I think call for some self exploration and possibly even mulling it over with a therapist. I know exactly what you mean by wanting to live like others. I have several things going on (anxiety, panic, and a bit of depression), and I hate that it dominates much of my life at times. I guess my normal is when I'm dominating the issues. I don't feel anything like I think I did prior to the issues coming on, but then again, I don't necessarily remember that normal. Even for the people who seem to have it together, you have to wonder how much of that is surface acting. Even for the "normal people", the idea of normal changes. We adapt, evolve, and we have to find our happiness of our normal in how we live.

It does sound like you're being a bit rough on yourself to boot. Even the people with the neatest and tidiest of lives, they go over pot holes and their house likely suffers from uncleanliness. The difference is we, as depressed, anxious, or panicked people, can make a bigger deal out of these things whereas those who we look at with envy in all their normal attributes just do not. And that's where I think we have the work to do....finding a different approach or perspective. Putting the puzzle together to piece together "normal" because I think we give far too much credit to the normal's normal. It isn't just peaches and cream for them, they just don't have the same wiring we do. Just my thoughts and opinion as I've been fighting over this internally myself: what is normal.

Ckstout profile image
Ckstout in reply to

Thank you. Your right, I am hard on myself, I am trying to change. I think your right, we are as normal as normal is. I just want to learn embrace it.

hypercat54 profile image

Hi I think normal is messy as life itself is. We don't come neatly packaged with do this and do that and you will be 'normal'. I personally would hate to have a 'neat little life' as it would bore me half to death. Life is for living and enjoying as much as possible so accept it in all it's glory. x

Ckstout profile image
Ckstout in reply to hypercat54

Thank you for responding. I want to learn to enjoy my life as is. 😃

I can definitely say at times..maybe a lot.. Im not the "norm" society describes, but should society dictate what or who is "normal" IF that person is happy with themselves. When u have health issues, may it be mental or physical ..sometimes you have to make up ur own normal..for "U". Be the "normal" ur happy with and heck with others that don't agree!!!

Ckstout profile image
Ckstout in reply to

Thank you for responding. I guess we have to be the judge of what is normal for us and not let others.

in reply to Ckstout

All about surviving the best way for us. Best to u

kenster1 profile image

my old support worker said to me whats your definition of being normal.i said people who can work socialise be healthy debt free and have less worries than folk like me.she said the people with the flash cars bought houses nice clothes probably have as much worry as us but we give the wrong perception that because they have more than us then they must be normal meaning we are always putting ourselves down with trying to compare to others.there is no normal just some people manage life better than others.

Ckstout profile image
Ckstout in reply to kenster1

I like that, thank you!!

Jillyone profile image
Jillyone in reply to Ckstout

I like that too...

upandup84 profile image

Hey there. I used to feel exactly the same as you, and after a lot of reading, a chunk of therapy, new habits and mantras, i worked my way out.

My house was clean but i couldn't get it to be neat and tidy- it really affected me, and yes, during winter i spiralled down into depression. Some christmases my house resembled a jumble sale-after a rummage :( but......i bit the bullet, hired 3 professional cleaners & left them in my house for 4 hours. Fresh eyes on clean but cluttered surroundings equalled a neat, tidy and happy home. Cost me alot but i'd pay it again if i had to. Worth every single penny.

After that other things slotted into place, cos i could fibd things easily, put things where they now belong and change things round, which keeps it fresh.

I highly recommend it. Life changer.

As for normal, i used to feel everyone knew something i didn't. Turned out for me to be varying issues, but i took time to educate myself regarding mental health, and learn about myself, sure enough those few years now mean i feel i 'fit', whilst i'm completely myself. It was a journey, and every step was different. I really think watching programmes, reading books, attending offered classes, chattingto others will help you achieve your 'normal' goal.

Jillyone profile image
Jillyone in reply to upandup84

Well done x

Ckstout profile image
Ckstout in reply to upandup84

If you have any recommendations on classes or books, I would appreciate that. I love hearing people success stories. I do go to counseling and see a dr. I am also an avid reader. Thank you for your reply.

upandup84 profile image
upandup84 in reply to Ckstout

I like 'Mans search for meaning' by Viktor Frankl. Also 'Rainy brain, sunny brain' by Elaine Fox. Not light reading by any account, but so very eye opening and informative. Depends what floats your boat.

I went to a couple of classes, they were advertised locally or recommended by people. Action for Happiness was a good course- look into them. & i went to a fantastic group called Mindfit at a local women's centre. They do so much there, it's amazing.

I didn't go for counselling, my assessment showed CBT was what i needed. Changed my life. I quit my job haha! Long story, but yeah, i walked in one person on the first week & walked out a different on the 12th.

Whereabouts do you live?

Ckstout profile image
Ckstout in reply to upandup84

I live in Indiana . Thank you for the book titles.

It seems like you are on the road there. I started taking small steps and one day figured what you said . My anxiety with time I am starting to heal but more can be done . You will be it just takes time and normal is boring I like people who are different I always fall for people who have problems like my old loves i.e one had ADHD and another was depressed. A autustic boy fancied me too. Different and different go together. I always like the underdogs I'm that kind person whenever I see somebody alone I'll befriend then because they are lonely and I know how hard it can be . Fuck normal I'd be more than happy to live in a world full of people with ADHD and disabilities in general as they are the sweetest tings ever I wish normal people wouldn't exist. Normal people are horrible and made me suicidal . Whereas these people taught me to heal and love and trust again. I'm happy to be disabled I think I have found where I belong and I hope you do too

JoanellaJ profile image

Your very normal

There are so few "normal" people around, at least by the definition of normal that prevails, that they are actually in the minority - so much so that perhaps they should get themselves onto this site and tell us about their experiences...🤖

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