Wanting to die but not suicidal

[UnreasonablyDPressed]

So, I’ve got a good life. Married, kids, good job, new house and lots of friends. Yeah, I’ve had some trauma in my past and my marriage has been rocky at times, but everyone goes through that. For a long time, I’ve just wanted to die. My cousin killed him self 20 years ago and I swore never to hurt myself because I saw what it did to the family, so self harm is never a risk. I just want to die. I often pray for death. I take extra risks, hope for cancer and fatal health problems and just overall don’t want to be alive anymore. How do I get my mind to stop thinking this way? I know how amazing my life is but I still just want it all to end. I just feel like everyone else would be better off without me. I’m well insured so my passing would allow my family to be set financially.

[Hidden]

I feel the same and am in constant stand by of hope to move on. Praying for God to take me. I have been doing so for years and here I am still. I have been through so much to where death was so close upon me, yet it hasn’t reached its official point among me. My faith is high and suicide is not and will never be the way out for me. Only The Lord knows my time of departure from here. Death is a blessing, as to a continuation of life.

From above you can see what we each have in common. Try not to close in on yourself. The more closed in you become the more unsure you will be within yourself. Be thankful for all you have, especially your loved ones. Many times such special people in your life as family have been brought to you for a reason. A reason to be together. May you find peace as to understanding in the way of life.

[UnreasonablyDPressed in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the reply and the kind words. Yes, it’s clear that we’re in the same frame of mind. Just two weeks ago, I found myself in the ER for health complications and I cried and prayed that this would be it. I found out later that I was as close to death as I had ever been and I just wish He would have taken me. Now the doctors are going to be screening me for cancer as part of my issues and I only hope that I have it. I feel like I deserve to suffer before being taken. I’ve already told my wife that if I have it, I don’t expect her to stay because I don’t want her to see me like that or be inconvenienced by me. My plan is to work right up until the day I die, hopefully dying at work so my family gets more money. Then, they’ll be set for life, they can move on and have a fresh start and everyone will forget about me.

[Hidden in reply to UnreasonablyDPressed]

I understand your hope in having cancer. It may sound cruel but you need to have an understanding to see it our way. The Lord has suffered for us and we need to understand we must suffer as well in His Name. Our way and time of death will be brought upon us when it is time in God’s eyes. Where He will welcome us in His arms and bring complete peace and harmony among us. At the same time He will be taking care of your family. Wanting to die is only a physical departure from this life. We are spiritual beings and we will be withdrawn from our bodies and continue in life following this life. The physical life.

You have a plan for your family which shows love you have for them. They know and can feel it. As to yourself having an acceptance of their decisions once you depart from here. It’s another way of showing love. You are a good person. Within yourself you are very strong and faithful.

Again be aware there may be people out there who take this in a way where they don’t have a view as you and I. It is as if we have more of a purpose in the afterlife rather then physical. Be patient and know as I do. Each time we breath it is one less and closer to salvation in the Name of The Lord. 🙏🏻

[UnreasonablyDPressed in reply to Hidden]

That’s a great way to think about it. With every passing breath and with every moment, we’re that much closer to death. I just want it to happen soon and hope that my breaths are limited.

[Hidden in reply to UnreasonablyDPressed]

Be patient. Each and every one of our breaths are limited. Each time our heart beats it is one less. Death itself is closing in upon us. Yet, each moment we have been given is a blessing. A blessing in which has a reason.

In addition to what you and I want, remember we are spiritual beings. We are spirits upon the bodies in which we are presently in. When the moment comes we will be withdrawn from our physical state and continue our spiritual life.

Death is not an end but rather a continuation among life itself.

[Gambit62]

this post may give you some ideas

healthunlocked.com/couchtob...

[Jukieh]

I feel the same as you x

[Belfry23]

I had a cancer scare at the beginning of the year, I was so very disappointed that I got the all clear, it brought me down for weeks, just having that hope that all would be over maybe in a year, gave me peace that my mental suffering would be over. It sounds so terrible and I really feel guilty that I live, when people who want to live have cancer and die.

I told my husband, obviously he couldn’t understand, it’s abnormal.

[UnreasonablyDPressed in reply to Belfry23]

This sounds totally like my thought process. If I could trade places with someone dying who wants to live, I would. My wife doesn’t understand at all and says that I need therapy to find out why I feel this way. I love my wife and kids and I treasure any time that I have with them, but I just want to die. I feel like they’d be able to move on, they’d have plenty of money to survive without me and they’d be better off without me. I’ve let them down too much and with me not around, there’d be nobody to let them down anymore.