35. Pregnant and miserable

I’m so tired all the time. I hate my husband. I have for a long time. I’d leave if all of “our debt” wasn’t in MY name. He’s controlling and mean and the least helpful or sympathetic man I know. I was never in love with him. I married him because I was 31 yes old and never married before. I had/have a daughter I’ve raised on my own since I was 19 and my family had told me year after year that my daughter needed a father/I needed a husband. He came along. Said the “right” things and won over my family. I thought he was someone I could grow to love so I took a gamble and failed. The honeymoon ended almost before it even started. About 6 months after we were married he stopped being Mr wonderful and started being his real true self. Our first child together died in infancy- which rocked us both. He actually became more attentive for a short time but by the time we were pregnant again I felt like I was on my own. That child is now 11 months old, and I’m once more 5 months pregnant (the sex is empty and just going through the motions-so no, just cause I keep getting pregnant does not mean our relationship has any value . I can only avoid him for so long before he just takes what he wants ) ......and I. JUST.CANT. DO. IT. ANYMORE.

He’s horrible to MY kid, he doesn’t help with the baby, he expects me to devote 100% of my attention to HIS 6 yr old who is a spoiled rotten kid who has never been disciplined before in her life..... I work full time and have recently been put on disability for this pregnancy due to stress. He’s always irritated the house isn’t clean, the dishes are never clean all the time, the laundry is never finished. Dinner isn’t ready or made by me every night.......I’m at my breaking point and feel like I’m going to lose my mind if I stay.

I can’t leave my kids. I love my kids. I feel so trapped and just at my wits end all the time. I don’t know what to do.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi 2003,

Welcome to our empathic and supportive community. Hopefully, you will find that folks here will come alongside you and share from their wealth of experience.

I, personally, don't know what to say in response to your post. You are having a torrid time and anything I say may seem trite and unhelpful. I presume in the US that you could speak to Social Services about your situation, which frankly sounds awful, and get advice about removing yourself and your children from it would seem the best option. In the UK we have organisations that can give free, impartial advice regarding finances, debt management etc. Our laws recently changed too in support of those subjected to psychological and emotional abuse, not just sexual or physical. Is it worth Googling local services or going to your library to find more information? You shouldn't have to feel trapped into staying in such a toxic relationship and environment. Can you speak to your doctor about how you are feeling?

Sorry not to be of more help, we are based in the UK and don't know how services work in other countries. But this is an international forum, so hopefully, there will be someone here from the US who can. Ok, folks please can someone from the US offer any support or advice?

Do keep in touch. Also, check out our Pinned Post section for more information and keep handy our International crisis support helplines.

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse and Moderator

[Cheryl871]

If hes horrible to your child- I really dont understand why you wouldnt just walk away WITH your children? Could you speak to family? Could you maybe not move out and go straight to the council? dont leave your children.. take them with you. Your mental health and your children's are priority! Speak to him maybe?

[JoanellaJ]

It sounds like u got married for the wrong reasons..u can leave with yiur kids there is help out there..dont waste your time being unhappy make a change.

[Yishun]

Go duosuccess.com hope its help.