I'm not suicidal but I wouldn't save myself

[Aslongasimquiet]

Usually just read posts and agree in my head, but today is just too much.

Too much pain, constantly arguing family then being made to feel worthless by a bullying teen.

I am pathetic and nothing worth much comes out of my mouth.

Cannot be heard unless I shout!

Nobody in this house knows ME!

Nobody wants to. They just laugh at me and ridicule me my own flesh!

I have health problems and I'm expected to do everything for everyone then when I can't i have to fight how they make me feel.

Yes they do know my debilitating illness and disabilities.

Yes this is my husband and children and No it's not recent this is 5+ years of hell.

If a bus was out of control i wouldn't move... Probably miss me too knowing !y luck 😓

[Suzie40]

Just logged on to the site as I'm also not feeling too good tonight. I'm sorry you're feeling as you are. Here tonight if you want to chat x

[Hidden in reply to Suzie40]

Hello Suzie

Had a bad day ?

BOB

[Suzie40 in reply to Hidden]

A bad couple of weeks, Bob. Doctor has stopped my antidepressants. That was after a half an hour consultation, which I don't think was ample time to justify such a massive change. Hope you're ok? x

[Hidden in reply to Suzie40]

Suzie

Have had a busy time driving this weekend, so yesterday found me fast a sleep most of the time.

Nice day today, will take Pax down to the beach. The weather yesterday was like Noah and His flood, It seemed never to get light until late evening. Even Pax refused to go out, get wet

Any better now, can I help ?

BOB

[Aslongasimquiet in reply to Suzie40]

Thank you, I am a bit out of my comfort zone, I usually can help others in my circle just not myself lately x hugs to you x i feel a bit awkward but at least u can't see me sticking my tongue out when I don't get the right word on spell checker!

[Suzie40 in reply to Aslongasimquiet]

Ha ha! Even the people best at helping others need a helping hand themselves sometimes x

[Hidden]

I suffer Chronic health conditions and I know sometimes how determined I have to be to make those around me care. However the problem we have in life can all come down to understanding how people feel deep down with your illness. Many people sometimes do not know how to discuss your needs with you, however when push comes to shove they need to understand how your condition reacts to your mood and expectations .

In my case I can upset my carer, My Wife and I can see how my needs can upset her.

If you are having problems, I do no know your condition I would suggest you talk to your GP and explain how you feel and describe how family life is causing you problems with mood etc. There may be ways the Doctor can help you and family have a more positive attitude regarding your health.

Can I ask what is causing you health concerns ?

BOB

[Aslongasimquiet in reply to Hidden]

Apologies i seem to have misplaced my Manners! Hoping you are managing okay.

[Aslongasimquiet]

Thank you for replying and caring.

I'm physically impaired by my own body fybro/thyroid plus small nerve damage due to a careless driver, and of course the Black Cloud of depression that hasn't left me since I was a teenager.

I thought I'd feel stupid for posting etc but strangely i feel relief!!

I tell them every day and ask for a bit more cooperation. It doesn't help they have additional needs.

I think that's my problem they got so used to my whinging then when I'm more able i push myself too far and struggle through.

I'm still extremely bitter i am not my active able self anymore.

My Doctor cannot medicate me as I need to be vigilant and attend to one of my children 24/7.

I'm posting this before I hit delete and hide in my corner!

[Hidden in reply to Aslongasimquiet]

I know how you feel I have my health concerns, been like this now for over thirty years.

Been to pain clinic in the past and they educate and explain medications and treatments. You are then expected to push on..

We need to move on, although generally when surrounded by the fit and healthy they do not understand how to help, they can get irritated and then become short with us. I find in my case with age I can become more bloody minded,just makes matters worse in the long run. cantankerous comes to mind

Being Disabled is a really hard occupation

BOB

[art62grammie]

I am with you. I have been there too. I put a stop to it too. I recently divorced my pain. I left my husband of 17 years. He is evil and heartless. He allowed my 15- year- old son to walk all over me. I love my son but dad has brainwashed him. I could not take abuse anymore. I left to save myself. It only took me 56 years to find any self-worth. I found it and it is mine. No one can take it from me ever again. I had to take the bull by the horns and stand for me. No one can fight for us. We do it on our own. It is not easy. Why should others judge us for an illness. I was dying with 40 years of Anorexia and those two laughed at me. They made fun of me. They never once helped me seek treatment. They only watched me die. They walked a childhood of roses. Mine was a bed of thorns. They had no idea what others have suffered. They only laughed. I will not tolerate that any more. With my recent recovery. I have got smarter.

[taurusgirl]

I feel for you I dont know what your issues are but its clear your deeply depressed. If talking would help feel free to contact me. I have similar issues and know how you feel. Take care x