Need advice -childhood memories

[Ploramicas]

Basicaly a lot of shit went down when I was a little girl and in the family we never talk about it. Everyone acts like nothing happened.

But I have been secretly struggling with memories from the past and as I am getting close to 30yrs old images keep popping into my head and I break down and cry. Also I have nightmares and wake up shouting and sweating.

The other day I made the mistake of blurting some home truths through whatsapp to my mum and I told her that Im a broken person because of my childhood, im heartbroken and my childhood was shot to shit because of the stuff that happened.

Obviously my mum got really upset and two days later she sent me a text saying she is sorry that I am still suffering.

What should I do? I want to heal my mind and not have these nightmares or feel so much resentment about the past.

[Hidden]

You have to address your concerns and the attitude of your family when you were very young. Parents bring baggage from their childhood into their children s informed years, it is a shame this happens and you need to consider if you wish this problem to affect future generations. You need to talk out your problems and the best way is to talk out these concerns with those family members that caused the upset. If this is not possible consider talking to your GP and arrange an appointment with a Therapist who will listen and suggest coping techniques to move you on. However it all falls back down to the patient and they will need to be brave and move on.

You may never forget what happened, however it may be possible for you to file it all away and not to allow it to control your future years. Sometimes, making changes will help you move on, although you need to remember do not make changes for the wrong reasons. Positive reasons, thought out will work. You will move on. However do not wait to long like me

BOB

[kenster1]

hi I am sorry that you are having these struggles its wrong that in adulthood we are traumatised from childhood memories.i wouldn't ask what you went through but I had issues relating to when I was young.ive woke up throwing punches screaming even kicking out.i just put them down to bad dreams and never linked them to anything.you can though and that's a stepping stone in aiding your recovery.sometime we have to face the past in order to move on in the future and maybe over time your mums guilt has grown.my personal view is you could talk it over and gauge how she comes across in terms of her sorrow then after that you can decide the next moves.all the best.

[blueraku]

Look into somatic experiencing

[Dessertmouse58]

The most important thing you can do for yourself is to see a therapist that can hear you out. Very very important that you share your past with a professional good therapist, not all therapist are the same. You do need to be acknowledged and validated for what you went through. Please do yourself a big favor and have time for your self to heal, under good guidance and good therapy. This is the first step that can help you change your life for a brighter future! 😊 you are worth it, to be listened to.

[Halfabear]

I am so sorry you are struggling with this. I identify strongly with your situation and can only share what I have learnt over the years (I am now 60). What happened, happened, you cannot change that. It was not your fault. these experiences are hugely influential in the way we develop emotionally. I found that the years spent feeling anger and apportioning blame hurt no-one but myself. Eventually, for me, I reached a point, very late in life, when I was able to draw the line, leave the past in the past. I am not responsible for the actions of an inadequate parent and to continue suffering is to still allow them to exercise that power over me. I do still struggle with depression and anxiety and feelings of low self worth but I divorce this from any childhood issues because I cannot change those but I have the power to challenge my feelings and moods without resorting to my old mindset of victimhood which kept me trapped in a vicious circle of anger, recriminations, and depression. I have not been able to discuss these issues with my parents but if your mum is up for it, it might be useful to explain how you feel, she may be surprised at exactly how much resentment and anger you are feeling. Having this acknowledged could be a first step in the healing process. It is all so complicated and there is no one size fits all ‘answer’ , I hope the responses here will help you make your own pathway towards feeling in a better place.

[hypercat54 in reply to Halfabear]

Wow I could have written your response. I too hung on too long to awful childhood memories and spent hours in my head having mythical conversations with my mother and apportioning blame. Then I thought what would it achieve? Nothing and it was only holding me back. I drew the line under it as well and dedicated my time and energy instead to healing. I own my individual pain and deal with it. x

[Hidden]

I feel for you Ploramicas. I had a terrible childhood and no relationship with my mother, except fear as she was so cruel. But your own mum is sorry you're suffering this, I can only advise you to have a sit down with your mum and a really long chat about your childhood. Good luck x