Strange feeling

[Marc_W121]

Does anyone else have the feeling that they want to die but doesnt want to think of the burden? So you just kinda decay and rot yourself quicker?

[Hidden]

Staying in misery, sadness and laziness all the time, is not good. Some positive thoughts needed, interest and activities to cheer you up. Walking club on the internet has lost of other activities as well plus you get to meet people. Great if you like talking, a lot. But there are shy clubs, as well!

[Hidden]

Get up, get moving, do things with your life.

[Hidden]

When I was suicidal last year I really didn’t want to die, I just wanted the pain to go away. Could that be how you are feeling? Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

[kenster1]

I think about death every day not to say I want to die or make plans in doing so.my time aint up here yet no matter how bad life gets and neither is yours.

[hypercat54 in reply to kenster1]

I feel exactly the same Ken. x

[MustBeAWay in reply to hypercat54]

I do. I wish I was dead daily.

[hypercat54]

Oh yes! This is very common in depression. it comes out in me in lack of self care, ie not going to the doctors when I should, not cleaning my teeth much, and not doing housework so I live in a midden. I always think I am not worth it and what's the point etc.

I live with suicide ideation but have put off suicide for many years now so probably will continue as I am in my 60's now.

I don't have any answers I'm afraid as I am struggling with that myself. I do hope you find a way through it though. Maybe counselling could help? x

[69eden in reply to hypercat54]

You have just explained me there to a tee! I am so fed up of feeling like this! Any tips grateful.

[hypercat54 in reply to 69eden]

All I can say is to make as much effort as you can to look after yourself better and tell yourself you are worth it even if you don't really believe it. x

[sweetiepye in reply to hypercat54]

No! This is not for you. You are smart, courageous , extremely helpful to people and very empathic. This world needs people who have the cohunes to talk about the hard stuff, and that's who you are Bev.

[hypercat54 in reply to sweetiepye]

Thanks Pam, that's very kind of you to say that. I often dissociate from my feelings but am trying to teach myself to be more in the present and to connect my emotions properly. It's an uphill struggle. From time to time I disintigrate and this is one of those times. The self care issues are always with me though.

Like you I have been through through the mill and am older now so like you I try and pass on hard learned lessons to others. I wish there had been the internet in our day, don't you. I hope you are ok my friend. Bev xx

[sweetiepye in reply to hypercat54]

I am seeing a new therapist , very easy to talk to and your video is the kind of thing we are working on. I feel like I am doing something for myself.

[Marc_W121]

Thanks for the replies.. i was just curious if it was just me or not.

Yeah hypercat im roughly the same way... allthough i do go to my councillor often i still want to decay. You know... drinking/drugs.. bad diet that sort of thing. Just trying to help myself go a little quicker

[hypercat54 in reply to Marc_W121]

I have a bad diet too but don't drink mainly coz the only drinking problem I have is that I can't afford enough of it! I do mine by smoking myself to death, and with copd I am well on the way. x

[Crazy_love in reply to hypercat54]

Oh dear... x I smoke to much to. Why dontwe care, even those pictures on the pacets? And still feel the need to smoke.

[hypercat54 in reply to Crazy_love]

Because those pictures are a load of old tosh! The ones that say every 5 cigarettes gives you a tumour for example. Every smoker says well it's too late for me then. The Govt. only plays lip service to packing it in coz they would go bankrupt without all the taxes we pay. x

[Crazy_love in reply to hypercat54]

I guess your right! And they are a lot of money so the government make a lot of .money from them. I guess I will sleep it off some day! Have a rest from smoking those dreadful things when it's to late, to late? well i suppose it is too late my lungs are ill....

[hypercat54 in reply to Crazy_love]

Well now it's like me - damage limitation. But if you wait for smoking to give you up you haven't got long left... x

[Terry4949]

I have these thoughts as well for the last 3 years every day I think of death some days I’m suicidal yet I don’t want to die I can be doing something positive and the thought just comes into my head that I don’t want to live anymore or I just wish I was dead it scares me as I don’t want to these thoughts but a overwhelming feeling of sadness takes over this can happen like a light switch moment , I find myself dwelling on what’s the point of life if I keep having these thoughts should I just try and speed up the end of my life and put myself out of my misery , you are not alone

[hypercat54 in reply to Terry4949]

I have long made a pact with myself. In my late 20's I went through hell and decided there was no point in carrying on the way I was. I decided I had 2 choices - I could either end it, or to do everything I could to have a life worth living. To this purpose I sought out counselling and figured out what I needed in my life to make it bearable. I had never learnt how to make friends but watched and eventually copied how others interacted and gradually I made friends.

I also made myself get out and about more and discovered a life long passion which I still practise to this day. These changes and other small ones made a huge difference to my life and I am mainly glad I took the latter option.

I resisted the suicide option by keeping it as a comfort blanket. Every day I wake up and decide this is not going to be the day I do it. That leaves me free to live my day without thinking much about it. I have made a few impulsive decisions that this was it, when under huge stress, and have tried a few times, but have been working hard to teach myself to recognise how I was feeling and connect more with my emotions so I understand what is leading up to it.

This has left me with suicide ideation. When things get too much I always think well I can kill myself if I want to, but after so many years I probably won't now. I am glad though I am now in my 60's and I haven't got that many more years left. I am also proud that I have made it so far (and surprised). x

[sweetiepye]

I think of it as a slow way, decay and rot take time. If I were ready to call it quits, and I am not, I would need a guarantee of no pain and success and most importantly no one left to take responsibility . There are so many other options to try first. Pam

[hypercat54 in reply to sweetiepye]

Agree totally Pam. Never give up until you have tried everything and given it time to work. x

[Hidden]

Sometimes I can have serious Anxiety or depression where I want to enable myself to pass over the other side, however not after a serious attempt many years ago I understand the implications those who I will leave behind will suffer.

Generally to change my mood, activities or diversions help me move on in a more positive way.

Consider activities you enjoy, it does work and you will move on from any problems you may have. However you need to approach your problems either through your GP or in your own mind. Look at your problems and try an break them down in small bites, when you sort the small bites you will eventually gain confidence and move yourself on. If you get stuck mid problem move to another and start the same process, returning to those problems later when you consider how to fix the problem and consider the actions ou need to take. It does work and you will be able to help yourself

BOB

[Crazy_love]

Yes i suppose I have done just that to myself, oh the way you have put it, it is exactly what I have done... I'm decayed and lifeless...