Coming to a conclusion that I can’t work

[Take_Me_As_I_Am]

For the past 4 years I haven’t stayed at a job constantly past 3 months. And the latest job I have I’m in the process of medical leave or I will be terminated on the 8th. I am feeling very confused about is it me or has it been the jobs I’ve chosen, but my track record say’s I have a problem. And this lasted job I was getting anxiety every time it was time to go to work so I would cancel my shift. I’m already diagnosed with depression, pmdd, and I believe its something else. I have therapy tomorrow which most times I don’t mind going, so why can’t I go to work? I’ve had some traumas lately so that definitely shook my world and I also have a second biopsy scheduled the end of this month. It’s a stage higher than last year which is frightening. The one good part is my spouse (but we’re seperated) told me to take my time and figure it out and he’s here for me.

[Hidden]

It could just be the here and now situation your in that is making you feel like you can't work, I have been in a situation like this, during my worst phase of depression, I think me thinking that I can't work made the depression worse, now when I get sick I focus solely on the fact that when I'm back at work I will feel better. I think your suffering overload, anxiety,depression Biopsy stress, I changed jobs loads, now I'm self employed, which gives me the flexibility to work hard whilst I'm well to cover for when I'm sick, I think you just need time out and to find something that suits you when your well enough to think about it, but for the moment focus on recovery for yourself, I think having a purpose is vital when suffering from mental health issues, it gives you something positive to focus on x

[Take_Me_As_I_Am in reply to Hidden]

Thank you and I hope its just for now. I just know I don’t like the way I feel and I also have daily stress of being a parent. I don’t even know if I should fight to keep this job or just let it go. It looks real crazy to give up a job thats only a few blocks away and pays well, and my family and friends don’t understand why can’t I do it, but they don’t know what I feel like nor can they relate.

[Hidden in reply to Take_Me_As_I_Am]

Don't make any rash decisions, because you may regret it, if you can try and hold onto it until your mind is clearer. Unless of course you have no choice xx

[Take_Me_As_I_Am in reply to Hidden]

Thank you and I won’t yet but I have until the 20th to get both of my dr’s to explain whats going on with me. And I don’t even have the energy to do that at the moment bc that requires me to drive to 2 different offices and then go bavk to the offices to pick up the paperwork. Right now all I want to do is get back into bed.

[Hidden in reply to Take_Me_As_I_Am]

I feel you, but if you can push yourself, it may help your recovery. I make rash decisions and always regret it when I'm better x

[Hidden]

You mention a Biopsy you do not mention what the test is for only that this treatment is being taken at a higher level ?

Also you mention you are on sick leave, I do not know how long you have been on Leave, all I seem to pick up on is they are getting rid of you on the 8/2/2019. You mention trauma and Anxiety/Depression.both concerns in their own right can affect our game at work, home and medical health.

You will not be at our best and what with a separation will not be helping.

You explain you are being treated for Depression, you do not explain the treatment you are having although I feel your Mental Health is been affected by multiple concerns. Possibly a more intensive treatment needs to be considered. There are various Techniques you can try MINDFULNESS a Relaxation Technique may help also Breathing Exercises may also help. Books on the latter can be purchased on Amazon for £7;00, that may help you start and relax. You do not mention medications. You need to talk and learn from a Therapist, eventually with the techniques learned you should be able to gain confidence and move on.

Talk to your GP again regarding your Anxiety, see if He can suggest further ways to help. You are not alone when it comes down to Anxiety and Depression, life is stressful sometimes we need assistance to move on down your chosen pathway

BOB

[Take_Me_As_I_Am in reply to Hidden]

Hi Bob, thanks. Where the biopsy will b done don’t affect me working its just that it will b done to see if whats goin on is cancerous. I’m not on treatment I was saying the results are a grade worst then last years test. It makes me sad just to type that. Anyways, although I will be fired tomorrow I have until the 20th to show proof of the reason of my absences was medical/mental, then I can be reinstated. But right now I’m feeling like to hell with it and find another job when I feel better. I go to therapy, I take meds but I think all this extra stress is more than what my therapist & meds can handle. I appreciate the other techniques you mention, I just don’t have the energy to start right now. I just don’t know what I wanna do and where im going.

[Hidden in reply to Take_Me_As_I_Am]

Try and divert your thoughts from your concerns, hobbies or external activities can help in lightening the mood. Do you have an activity you would enjoy to do. Positive activities do help. I have several that I can do at home, for example I work in our fruit garden or even taking our dog Pax out for a walk. I also have a new interest, looking at the stars on a clear night. You do not need a telescope, just a pair of binoculars

BOB

[Take_Me_As_I_Am in reply to Hidden]

Yes I like playing solitare on my phone, sewing and crafts. But I have deadlines to meet and I got them in my mind all day. If I can just get alil strength to do them.

[Hidden in reply to Take_Me_As_I_Am]

Try some kind of ME TIME, you are no good to anyone knackered

BOB

[Hidden]

You have to start with small steps courses or interests or activities you can put on your CV and then work to jobs. There are some courses with the recovery college which deal with mental health/depression problems contact GP who will put you in touch with specialist.

[Take_Me_As_I_Am in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for that suggestion. I have a to do list but its really tough to finish. Some things has taken me 3-4 days just to complete one thing from the list. I also start classes online soon but that won’t probably be until march or may.

[Queenie77]

I really feel for you as I am going through the same thing. I lost my job due to depression and I have been working with agencies and in my current role I applied for the role permanent role which I got but now they have withdrawn their offer as they were not happy with the agencies reference- I feel that I am back to square one and I am struggling to go in - I feel that depression has taken over my life and will never get a permanent job again

[Take_Me_As_I_Am in reply to Queenie77]

Hi Queenie77, sorry you’re going through this too. I don’t wish this on my worst enemy. This is one of the worst depressive episodes I’ve had in a long time. With my job track record along with this, I’m really coming to the conclusion to just stop trying, putting myself through extra stress and just apply for disability. I’m gonna give myself a little more time before I give it up to see if I can pull through this. I don’t know what I want to do right now though, its so confusing and hard to explain.