I don't really know where to start. I have so much I want to say and its a case of trying to explain what is going on in my mind. Every day I have the same conversation with myself. I go through everything from when it first started all the way through to present day. I go over and over and over in my mind why things went wrong for me. I am able to see exactly where I went wrong and for what reason but then it gets too much for me to constantly think about my life and I cannot cope. I am always by myself so I'll most likely be in my bedroom and I will cry by myself. All I see is darkness; the black hole through which I am falling and have been for nearly 10 years. I don't know how to cope anymore. I tried to hang myself at university because it felt like my only way out. Thankfully I didn't go through with it but I easily could have. Every time I am at my lowest ebb I think about killing myself. I think of ways I can do it. Most of the time it's in a car crash as I drive a lot. I think why don't I just take this bend a little faster and it'll all be over soon. Sometimes I think about taking a lot of pills. But then the thing that stops me from doing it is the shame that I would bring upon my family. How much it would break my parents who are now around 70. I think about the impact it would have on my siblings. My older brother is partial cause of my depression because of his struggles with alcoholism and his behaviour towards me and the rest of the family. I have never taken antidepressants but I am going to see my GP to see if I can be prescribed something that will help.
Time has flown by. Everyone has progr... - Mental Health Sup...
Mental Health Support
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