Forgiveness
Holding on to grudges will only consume your body with stress and anxiety. Strip your soul of the joy and the love it is really craving.
So next time you feel like sitting at home thinking about how people have hurt you, or imagining all of the different scenarios that could have played out. Try expressing it in person or writing a very honest letter instead.
Then release your emotions and open your heart by looking into the future, instead of focusing on what is now in the past.
Forgiveness is like a cleansing of the soul. It quiets the demons within, and brings renewed hope.
To forgive is easier said than done. It seems that those who have hurt us so badly need constant prodding to get the rot they deserve. The problem with holding onto the hatred is that it turns on us and makes our own soul rot. It turns us into the monster we once faced.
To forgive bring us the victory that our monster will never have. And in the end, our spirits grow and grow. A monster, you see, is unable to grow, to enjoy life in a normal way, but will stay little and small inside, because he/she has chosen a life of darkness.
You can forgive yourself for beating yourself up, hating yourself, berating yourself, believing the lies told to you that you were un-lovable, and nobody could love you.
There is a special place in hell for those who abuse children...and when it's a caregiver who does this...they are certainly at the front of the line.
If you didn't know my mother, and heard her life story you would feel sorry for her, maybe even empathize with her...be sad and understanding for her. But what isn't said in her sad story, is how all that sadness, and loss, and abuse that was done to her, she did to me.
All her anger, and hate, frustration, and feelings of being unwanted.....she did to me to punish someone for doing those things to her....and when I told her I wanted closure....I wanted to hear her say she was sorry...she said;
...'what for, I didn't do anything wrong'.....and that was when I gave up trying....I know she didn't deserve forgiveness because she didn't believe she needed it, .....everything she did and said to destroy any motivation, self-confidence, happiness, or hope....she felt no remorse, or regret....
I have no regrets for walking away almost 10 yrs ago....and that's when I found peace in forgiving myself, freeing myself to get better, and start to over come the damage.
It was said that: 'anger is like acid in a vessel...eventually it eats through and destroys the vessel'.....
Fauxartist, I am so sorry for the innocent, little child that you were. To grow up listening to and believing such terrible things. It sounds like what I have heard psychiatrists call soul death. It is beyond my comprehension how a parent could so systematically work on the destruction of their own child.
Yes, indeed, there is a special place in hell for such people. God has even told us.
When our birth family is very toxic, we often have no choice but to leave - far away. I did. i can understand. My healing didn't start until I was very far away.
I wish I could set you on my lap, and rock you, and tell you what a wonderful special person you are, and that I am glad you came into my life. I am sending warm hugs to you.
I'm deeply moved by what you said....it struck a very deep cord in me...and I cannot begin to tell you how your kindness has brought me to tears.....thank you.
😢 💔🤗
That hurts. It is wise for anyone under that to take space to heal. I’m sorry she couldn’t see or receive from you. It’s a proud adult who cannot apologize for doing wrong to a child. I wish your mother had been more open to healing the hurts too.
Believe me....me too. I don't hate her any more, that's been gone for decades...but the damage lives deeply embedded in an almost virtually untouchable place deep within me. And only a very few in my life have touched that place and helped me trust a little again, and feel really loved for the first time in my life. And that is my partner, and some statements here really move me to tears. Good tears, tears of sorrow being let go of. I can only live in hope that some of us here can all do that more. Those who can't afford therapy....I'm reading and feeling more in some cases here than I ever got in therapy. And I've had decades of it. So you can heal...and it's only costs you being able to let go of some of the pain.
The only way out is through.
I disagree that you must forgive people who have done you harm or hurt you in a serious way. I am not talking about imagined or slight hurts. I do not spend time thinking about these people or reliving the moment. I do my best to put them out of my mind and to make sure they never have the opportunity to misuse me again. I am talking about people who do this deliberately. I feel there are good and evil in this world and I have no forgiveness for evil. Evil people do profit and lead enjoyable lives and some very good people live very hard lives. Not forgiving does not mean you hate, it doesn't mean you love them either. Pam
Dear sweetiepye, I do agree that we live in a world that is filled with unspeakable evil. In far too many cases it appears that 'demons' have taken over an individual. Surely no human being could be capable of inflicting, and enjoying , such torment over another? I know there is - we hear of it everyday. Too many of us have first hand knowledge. The scope of evil that is being dumped on this world is beyond measure. We live in in an incredibly wicked world. I am glad that I will not have to decide their judgement.
If you have gone through such treatment, i am deeply sorry, and wish I had a way to erase it all.
When I spoke of forgiveness, i was speaking of myself. It has taken many years to find peace in my soul. The path we follow is as individual as each of us. But love a demon?? Forgive a demon?? Judge a demon?? No to all. I can think of the child that once was, and wonder what happened. I can feel sorrow for the child that once was. And always I wonder what could have happened to the innocent babe that once was.
I wonder that also because many people experience horrible things and go on to live normal lives and yet others turn to everything destructive and use their hurt to hurt others. I also wonder if you forgive a person they see that as a weakness in you and permission to treat you badly again. I always have more questions than answers. Pam
Pam, yes, there are people who see forgiveness as a sign of weakness, kindness as a sign of weakness. Personally, I don't necessarily tell a person I have forgiven them. This may sound strange, but to forgive seems to be of greater benefit to me than to them. It feels as if all ties to that person are severed. What the person decides to do with my forgiveness is totally up to them.
People who are kind and loving tend to attract the evil ones. I suppose it is because they see a target. I can only say that for me, I have gained a strength that few bother to mess with today. And for those who try, it is short lived. I have no patience for wickedness and evil. Over the years, I have learned to quickly identify those who like to harm others. I think that being able to identify is one of the blessings we receive from having come in contact. I need to say that there is a difference between truly evil people and people who do bad things because they are scarred, broken people. These people can be salvaged, the evil cannot.
A couple of things I have learned along the way: Beware of those who flatter excessively upon first meeting. Back away from those who try to be overly friendly to the point they want to say, move in; borrow; exchange something of lesser value for greater value; try to get you to feel sorry for them; etc. These things are all manipulation to get from you want they want. And what they want is usually harmful to you in the end. If I sound guarded, I am. I have learned these things from experience.
That rare, genuine person who walks in the light, is a true gem. That is the sort of person I like to have as a friend.
These are all my own thoughts, gathered from many years of life. Others may see things differently. The temperament we were born with and the experiences we have in life give us different perspectives on the same issues. And it is okay.
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