Struggling with suicide: I’m having a... - Mental Health Sup...

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Struggling with suicide

Sophia3491
Sophia3491

I’m having a really rough time. I had a failed suicide attempt eight days ago and I’m finding it really hard to manage my feelings. This was my second attempt - the first one being 5 years ago. I’ve struggled with depression on and off since then and I’ve recently moved back in with my parents with isn’t ideal for an adult woman. I had to drop out of university since the last attempt and I’ve had a few dead end jobs which don’t earn me enough to live on my own. I’m a loser. My relationship with my mother is turbulent- she’s frustrated her I can’t find a better job and I’m frustrated that I can’t get decent employment. She gets annoyed that I spend a lot of time sleeping but lm just so exhausted all the time.

I have been visited at home by a nurse almost daily since I was discharged from hospital eight days ago, and almost every time they’re over an hour late. I understand that they’re busy and understaffed etc but i tend to get myself in a bit of a tailspin thinking about how I’m not worth showing up for and I don’t deserve any of the help I’m getting. I’ve seen 5 different nurses so far and I’m getting really tired of having the same conversations. They’ve all said that I’ll be assigned a set team so that I won’t have to go through everything with a stranger each time but nobody has gotten to me. Every time they leave my house they say they’ll call me back within the hour to schedule another meeting but they never do. It’s usually a last minute call the next afternoon/ evening. I was also visited by a psychiatric doctor who said he’d give me some information about medication and possible therapy but he hasn’t gotten back to me. This was six days ago. I know he nhs is under a lot of strain right now so I don’t want to hassle them. The last nurse who came to visit me said that they ‘couldn’t keep Just coming out to check up on me’ and that they really needed to signpost me to some kind of treatment but nobody is being very forthcoming with any information and I’m feeling very lost and overwhelmed and drained.

I’ve been given a crisis number to call but I feel like I’m not unwell enough to warrant that.

I’m doing what I can to feel better- I’ve always been an active sporty person so I’ve kept up with my running and gym training. I know it’s inportant to get out and about and to look after yourself physically. They’ve all told me that I need to be socialising as I’ve become withdrawn, but the people in my life don’t have time for me. Friends don’t answer messages or flake out of plans, and it just reminds me how unimportant I am. I tried to reach out to a few people before my attempt but nobody was really willing to be there for me so I didn’t push. I don’t ever want to emotionally blackmail anyone into being a better or more attentive friend so I’ve tried to accept that I’ll have to get through this on my own but it really hurts that I’m not even worth replying to. Ive been here for so many of my friends and it really doesn’t feel good to not have them there for me when I need it. I’m just really tired of feeling so down all the time and I’m wondering if I should just do my best to end it once more. I’m still drowning and I feel like this is way worse than if I’d just died. I’m so angry at myself for getting it wrong again. I never do anything right. I know it’ll break my family but I think ultimately they’ll be relieved for me that I’m not in pain any more. I know I don’t deserve to live. I’m torn between wanting to feel better and knowing that I should just call it quits.

4 Replies

Sophia, YOU ARE WORTHY and

Deserve better treatment from

“So called” Friends! Have you

found a Church to go to ? I believe

If you don’t already have a Church

to worship at that you should start visiting ones close to your home.

When you find a pastor you like , you will also find church members

That you can hang out with and that will be there for you. God

Has a plan for you and that includes peace and at some point

You will understand the lessons

You have learned thru your past

journey. God will never leave you,

we leave him but if you will seek

His will for your life and rest in His Love & Comfort, you will find

your purpose and feel his LOVE.

Life is tough at times , EVERYONE

deals with something, I love this:

IT IS WHAT IT IS....BUT....IT BECOMES WHAT YOU MAKE IT.

Maybe you could go back to school, find something you are

Interested in and get training to

find a better job ? You also

NEED to immediately get an appointment with your GP and

get on an anti-depressant. You

need to be honest with your doc and get a wellness check to rule out any physical illness that could be contributing to your fatigue.

Medication will help you get thru

Your days and it may take several

try’s to find what works for you

but know there is help out there

For you!!!! Breathe Deep and

Call for an appointment. Don’t

Give Up, There is a life for you

and YOU HAVE A LOT TO GIVE!

Think about volunteering , when you are helping others it helps

You forget about your own

Problems and you will meet new people and make new friends,

also give you a reason to get out of bed and feel good about yourself!

Please , make a doctors appointment and get a check-up and some help. Hope something I have said will help you. DO NOT

TRY SUICIDE AGAIN, YOU HAVE A PURPOSE AND YOU CAN FIND

HELP. One day at a time, one step at a time . God Bless You 😘😘😘

Oh Sophia3491,

I am so sorry to hear all that you are going through. I have had a lot of depression and anxiety in my life along with self harm and suicidal thoughts.

My daughter who is a teenager suffers with the same except she did try to take her life a few times and I had to rush her to hospital to get her stomach pumped. It was heartbreaking. I had to monitor her 24/7 for the last 3 years. She has been in and out of psych long stay hospital.

All I can say is you need to keep away from toxic people as much as you can. A lot of people cannot deal with depression because they have never experienced it which is great for them. You are keeping up with your physical activity which is fantastic but you need to do something for your mind as well. I personally find mindfulness is a great help. Also pouring out your feelings on paper then closing the book. They are not thoughts to read over again and again to make you feel worse but just a way of getting the sad and bad thoughts out.

Also a list of positive things in your life and use that as a mantra every morning when you wake.

I can always understand the living back with the parents, I had to do that for over 1 year and we all drove each other mad. Not a healthy situation.

Is there anything you have ever really wanted to do or make just try? Are there any free or low cost courses in your area that will give you maybe a more positive look at things?

I know when you are feeling so bad the last thing you can do is think about the positive things. This is hard but when it comes to relying on other people for appintments etc and you get let down, it does give you a knock back but don't try to internalise and take it personally because they are probably dealing with hundreds of clients and up to their eyes.

I am dealing with a long term illness, have been out of work 3 years and struggling financially trying to keep my home going as well as looking after my daughter and I do have down days v down days but I also have positive days. I really hope you get the help you need but I always think you need to look into some self help/ mindfulness courses.

Best of luck. ( I hope this reply isn't too long) Haha!

Hi Sophia,

As mentioned by the other folks here - you are important and you can make a difference to others. Depression is a disease and there is a chemical imbalance in your brain. So, you need to start taking medication. Has anything been prescribed to you? If you cant afford a doctors visit, at least try St. John's wort which available at any chemist.

How are feeling after exercise as the endorphins should give you a bit of boost?

Sorry to ask these questions but they will help us to help you:

- Are you taking any other medication?

- Are you a consuming loads of alcohol?

- Are you taking any drugs or marijuana?

My first bit of advice in terms of attitude adjustment is "turn the tables" on your way your thinking. Yes, you have a mental condition but also see that there is something wrong with the people in your life and you need to find caring and supportive people to help you manage this condition.

A great way to boost your self-worth is charity either for people or animals. It is amazing what a thank you from a stranger or a flapping tail from dog can do for your morale.

Can you tell us more about why you think you are depressed?

Hello Sophia, you are worth it and I'm so sorry your mum can't see that but she may struggle with mental health and not know how to deal with it.

I've experienced this second hand my daughter tried to take her life and wasn't successful thankfully. She self-harmed when she was a teenager and that was the start of her illness. We've been through alot with her and have come out the other side. She now has the right medication and dictor and our support, she's had our support and did come back home and live with us for a couple of years. She's now well and truly back on her feet and we are all much more honest with each other as a family.

I have Emetophobia which is a fear of sickness so is an anxiety but I am waiting for CBT for that.

Enough of me and now to you. You are not worthless and I do agree with the other replies. I like Redhots reply, I think going to a church would help, my mum was a church member at a chapel and they were so lovely and have a lovely service when she died.

On another note, please have a look at the Thrive Programme online. This is a programme that helps and can cure all types of anxieties. I've worked through the book on my own but am not quite there yet so will be working through the book again but with a therapist this time.

Samaritans are reallh goid as well.

Take care and please don't give up.

Xx

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