No Social Life : Marginalize by abusers

[Pax125]

Hello,

i been victim of domestic violence and the authorities put my dad and brother to stop their behaviour. Deep down themselves, they have not changed but they know they will face consequences, so they acting differently.

My problem is social life. Events like wedding, birthday, funeral, dinner at relatives, I used to avoid all the going out with dad and/or brother. First what it used to be was that talks about domestic violence was taboo. N when with people, i have to be presented according to them, keep smiling and showing as if I am very beloved. As such, I stopped going out with them. Then, there was a period when seeing authorities, court, doctors and recuperating myself, I was never at any wedding, birthday, funeral, dinner at relatives.

Now, there are times, I feel very lonely. Most of my friends are married and they have their life. So, no human interaction. Last time went to a birthday celebration for a cousin who return from abroad after five years. In presence of dad and brother, i just fringe or crisp. I don't know how to describe that feeling when in front of my abusers. I just cannot enjoy. Feel disgusted when seeing them. At the party, there were people not recognizing me. Others were so happy meeting me, as if I have returned from abroad for some years.

I really need some social skills advise, how i can make friends and grow relationships or enjoy when dad and/brother also at the event. Also, I don't want talks that I share to fall in their ears. See my cousin is his cousin. My uncle is his uncle. My aunt is his aunt. And will this ever change throughout my lifetime? They will always share the same network of people. When a relative invite a family, they also invite the whole family.

Please advise.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Pax125,

Welcome to our supportive community. Well done for taking a brave step out of your comfort zone to reach out for help. Hopefully you will find folks here are only too willing to come alongside you and share from their personal journeys and experiences.

You are obviously having a difficult time right now. Are you able to live independently away from your dad and brother? Maybe it is worth speaking to your doctor about how you are feeling, and possibly have a referral for some talking therapies. You don't say where in the world you live, but in UK asking for a social service referral or getting support from victims of abuse support charities could be a starting place.

Do check out our Pinned Post section for free mental health guides, international crisis support helplines etc.

Keep in touch! Ok folks what can you suggest to help this new member?

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse

[hypercat54]

Hi how awful for you having to see your abusers like this. To be honest if this was me I would never want to see them ever again and I can't see a time when you could ever feel at ease with them.

I don't know if you are living at home? If you are you need to prioritise leaving home asap. I don't see how you will ever heal unless you cut them out of your life completely. I know this isn't going to be easy but maybe you can still keep in touch with your other relatives but not them. Never.

You need to concentrate on finding your own way in life. If you don't know how to make friends you can teach yourself you know or seek counselling. Put your own feelings a needs first and take care of yourself. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

You are right. Pax125 can't build relationships if she has the abusers hovering around.