How do you get better without loved o... - Mental Health Sup...

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How do you get better without loved ones?

mkf27230
mkf27230

When friends are everything to you, how do you get better from depression when they go away because your depression is too much for them?

I'm not in the place where I can make friends or connections that truly matter to me but that's what helps me get out of this state of sadness.

My friends tell me that I'm worthy of love and friendships and a bunch of great things. But then the minute I show that I'm not instantly getting better they book it out of my life. I know that this means they aren't my real friends but it still hurts.

Depression is making me feel lonely as is, and now I feel lonelier because of the people in my life. How do I get out of this cycle?

4 Replies
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You have to fight for yourself. I find that when depression is at it's worst, even the people who stick around don't understand me. I feel totally isolated and then I have to dig myself out of it. I used to hit rockbottom and then decide to fight my way out of it. There's always a reason. Don't you dare give up on yourself.

Now, I embrace the depression because I know that something amazing always comes out of the fight... it's a way to get to know yourself better. I don't get to rockbottom anymore because I've been there and there's nothing there worth seeing... Now I take responsibility for my own happiness. I make the choice to get out of bed and meditate. It gives me the energy to do something, anything with my day and then at some point in the day, I make a list of all my small wins and what I am grateful for.

Be your own friend and better friends will come your way. Putting a gentle fake smile on your face until it becomes a reality also helps because that little smile is contagious.

Don't try to connect with others until you feel ready. Just take a walk and smile at a passerby or say good morning.

It's OK to need to be alone sometimes. Your friends don't have to know your mind right now, you do. Take care of yourself first.

I am lucky, and have my children, of various ages, 22, 20, 8 and 2 ;) They of course all still need me to different extents, which certainly isn't always easy when I am not feeling great, but in comparison to friendship, the relationships with my children are world's apart.

However, I agree with the other reply to your post, being your own friend, learning how to give yourself boosts has got to be the most important thing. Friends can so easily step aside as they choose, in my experience at the drop of a hat.

I had the worst experience when a long term friend who I thought of as family cut me off completely. Been well over a year ago now, and all because I tried to ask if 'she' was ok!!! I have experienced such guilt at not feeling a real/good enough friend in the past, mainly due to physical limitations through disability. When this particular friend seemed to be struggling with life, over a year confiding in me about problems with almost everyone & everything, I eventually reached out to her to ask if she was feeling ok, saying I was always available for a hug. She took offence, said there was zero wrong with her. I was then blanked by her. I ended up questioning myself. As though I'd done something terrible. Maybe she was too proud to go there or maybe, if I'm honest we really had nothing real between us. Friendship was over! Then mutual friends started to take sides as she claimed to all who listened that I was a nuisance/hadn't had any understanding of how challenging life was for her. Not sure why as I listened and supported her for so long! I have been both very angry and very sad, but have picked myself up. Give me my own company, a good book, a coffee or meal out, a great film, an art class and far less intrusive unreal relationships any day!!

I know I'm worth something, and so are you. Just because friends aren't there or telling you how much you matter doesn't change the fact you do matter. You matter to me, and I am a total stranger. I cared about you today, and will think of you herein. Take care of yourself and you will come to realise it will be enough. Then the right people may become friends with you, people just like you too x

We all have our own paths to follow and the challenges they bring.

On the way we make connections with people who will help us, hinder us but always teach us.

The bottom line is, yes we need connection with others but that doesnt necesarily mean an expectation from them or towards them. Once we remove the expectation...everything is a bonus, something to be appreciated.

We fight our way into this world alone...and we enter the actuality of death alone.

Once we accept that the struggle, the fight is ours alone, then it can make us stronger. Relying on others diminishes your own power and strength.

But appreciating help from others instead of expecting it is a gift.

Just because people move themselves away from your life at times of struggle does not mean they are not friends.

It means they are giving you the support that they can afford without compromising themselves....and maybe just pushing you to find your feet.

How do you get out of this cycle?

That is for you to answer. That is the lesson sent to teach you.

You have already begun learning by asking the question. You can do this.

Xxxxxxx

Hi mkf27230, Welcome to this supportive community. As you have already seen folks are reaching out to you with support and friendship. You have made a first brave step, and sometimes reaching out to an anonymous, online community has its benefits, in that you have control over what you want to say, how much you want to open up, etc. It is difficult for our loved ones sometimes to comprehend how we are feeling, what was going through, and they may well be struggling themselves and may find our difficulties too much to cope with. So it may not be so they are rejecting you, but it's their own on coping mechanisms and self protection. You might find this link to Mind UK to help you move forward:

mind.org.uk/information-sup...

mind.org.uk/information-sup...

Do check out our pinned posts section as there is useful information, as well as international crisis support helplines which is worth keeping handy.

Keep in touch and take care.

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse

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