Friends w/ something I don't want to - Mental Health Sup...

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Friends w/ something I don't want to

seriousb1tch
seriousb1tch
3 Replies

Soo, I have this guy friends that causes me a lot of stress. I a sensitive person, but I act like I'm not. If I ever said I was, people would be like "phfff wtf, nice joke". My main group of friends consists of two girl that I consider my closes friends and this other dude that lives in my dorm and I went to the same high school with (we just "knew" each other because we were in the same orchestra since middle school, but not really talked). Oh, and let me add, we're all freshman in college.

So getting to the point, this boy is really nice to hang around when he doesn't have is frickin mood swings. And I have to say, I really do enjoy is company. However, he is hella sensitive too, but he doesn't really try to hide it (more like, he doesn't think that he is). I'm fine being around him when he isn't like PMSing, but it's really hard to tell when he would blow up and get cranky w/ the smallest things. And this really triggers me a lot. It's always mentally draining to have to be careful w/ what I say and to gauge his reactions just so that I don't ruin his "mood". He's like a bomb, you never know what will set him off. Even the things that set him off doesn't even make sense. He just seems like a selfish person that only cares about himself. Let me give you a couple examples to see how ridiculous it can be sometimes.

The four of us (me, the 2 girls, and the boy) are walking to the cafeteria since the boy is just talking about how hungry he is. Now, there are two entrances to the cafeteria, one at the side which is faster, and the main entrance at the front. I was just gonna enter at the front, but the boy was going in the side entrance direction, and he jokingly says "Y you dumbasses going that direction" and my other friends just response jokingly "Welll, you dont haveee to follow us if u don't want to" and that boi just turns around and walks away even tho we're calling to him to come back. I mean like, he acts like a boy going through puberty. And at first whenever he was like that, I would feel really bad, but now, it just pisses me off. And it's not like he doesn't know that we're sarcastic sometimes, we hung out with the four of us since the being of freshman year.

Andd here's another recent example.

So I was doing hw at the library because I had a lot of hw. And my friends call me because they want to play my Wii down at the dorm basement. So i'm just like ok, go ahead since it was a Friday. At the time, I was kinda stressed and depressed about my workload, so I made up my mind to go back to my dorm to play w/ them because they said they missed me. So on my walk back to the dorm, I get pretty hyped and happy to see my friends. After setting up the Wii, the boy wanted to play Super Smash Brawl, but we were gonna play something else first, THEN play Super Smash. But just 5 min in when we were playing the other game (he's just doing his phone not responding to us), he just ups and leaves after packing his backpack. And I'm just like WTF, I came back from the library really happy to see my friends and he just fucking leaves just because we didn't play the game he wanted... I AM SO DONE W/ HIM. And what gets me the most is that after he has those mood swings, the next time you see him, its like it never happened.

Back in high school I knew that he had a lot of drama because of his attitude and had a lot of "falling out" with friends. And after actually starting to know him, I can see why. 6 months into college, I thought he would grow up, but doesn't seem like it anymore.

What in the world am I suppose to do. Confronting him isn't an option because he takes criticism really badly. He wouldn't be like "oh, I see that my attitude is shit, I'll try to be better", NOOO he would be like "wtf, you're just like all those other friends, fuck you" and ignore me forever (that's what happened to this other girl in high school). I'm starting to regret being his friend, but by not being his friend anymore, it would be so awkward. My whole friend group would be split and it would be awkward for them too. My best approach was just distancing myself from him w/out it being too obvious, but sadly, its hard to avoid him in the weekends since he always wants to hangout.

3 Replies
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Deeman88

That’s a tricky one tbh. As you say especially if your all friends with each other, but I would say if you said to start off with that you enjoy his company- when he’s not in a mood- then surely there must be something there in terms of he can’t be in a mood all the time. Not that I doubt what you say either. All I mean is everyone is different I mean look on here, everyone has there own shit and battles going on and maybe there’s a lot of stuff you don’t know about or something that makes him like that?! I know you said you couldn’t pull him up on it directly because of how he takes criticism or whatever but maybe just ask him when is you and him whether everything’s okay and share some of the reasons your down atm and maybe he will do the same. That’s what I’d do because then if he just ignores things you have going on or reacts like a immature kid to it then you have your answer. Maybe you don’t want to do that but it seemsd like kind of thing I’d do to find out if there’s a ‘reason’ or whether he is just being a jackass :) hope this helps in some way anyways and try not let it stress you out too much!

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Rick1on1

Hi,

Being around people with issues when you have your own is very difficult and sometimes you have to cut them out - so that you can get better. If you are not strong enough - you need supportive people around you that can lift you up.

Once better, you can always revisit the friendship and be that supportive person for the other.

Your life has just started and it's a long road; so be mindful of the companions you take along your journey.

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sweetiepye

Are you prepared to be a friend to this person who sounds rather needy ? If not you should probably tell him so that he can move on. If you want to be a friend to him then you should cut him some slack when he is obviously having a bad day. Either choice will require some courage on your part. Don't confuse the issue more by pretending to be something you're not. That could hurt him badly and make you feel bad about your own character. Pam

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