Mental Health Support
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Struggling

I'm 6 months into a new job and I'm really struggling . I'm so depressed . No one really talks to me . The wage is extremely low and our dept is looked down upon .im in a relationship with a work colleague that has gone wrong but I'm so lonely , I'm finding it hard to end . I'm 28 and very aware I have nothing to do at weekends, I am just drifting

The actual job is souk destroying ,but my work history is so poor I'm not sure what I could get. I have an ok degree but not used it due to mental health .

I don't discuss my mental health but I feel like I'm drowning . I don't have anyone to talk to .

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Hi KittyKat first if all hugs, always here for a chat. I'm alone on weekends, too. I se my boyfriend briefly but he doesn't talk unless I talk first and we don't kiss and cuddle just occasionally hold hands. Also feel alone because I'd this and my adult children who live at home don't come into the living room very often because on computers. So I say if you can't beat them join them and I chat online too. Online friendships can be more rewarding so. Etimes. So that's one suggestion for you. You've already shared your thoughts on here which is great. Is there anyone local to you who you could meet up with.

I've been in similar position to you with work. I was quieter than the rest of work colleagues at one stage in my life and felt left our. But I think it was my own lack of self confidence having had an over critical mother and the deep love of my life cheating on me and getting the TWO other women he was seeing pregnant at the same time as I got pregnant and lost my baby. A rare and unwelcome coincidence which left my ego in pieces. Reason m telling you this is so it may be helpful telling you how I became more confident and less bothered what people thought of me and hence less mentally distressed. Simple answer so this doesn't ramble on too much... I read cover to cover feel the fear and do it anyway, women who love too much and men are from Mars, women ate from Venus. I can honestly say they changed my outlook and I'm so thankful to the authors.

Reason being the main point I got from the books we're that other people have problems too and often the way they interact with you has nothing to do with who you are bit what they have been through or going through and people often project onto other. So for instance the cheat boyfriend, it wasn't because I wasn't good enough like I thought because my mum used to say she loved me but didn't like me, another story another time... But because cheats mum had several pregnancys lost a few aborted a few and the few she had didn't feel loved. Cheat played up by thinking women could be used and left. Unfortunately for me him and me had a long relationship as he kept coming back.

After reading those books I had the confidence to leave. After reading feel the fear and do it anyway I got more confidence at work that's why I suggest that one particularly because that's the hardest thing when you feel you have mental difficulties... Taking the plunge to be more assertive so your needs are met at work, socially with work mates and every area really. We can be people pkeasers because we just want to be liked or we've been trained by our parents or carers to be submissive and do as we are told.

But as these books will reflect we are all individuals and have the right to the key elements of happiness. If you don't like something you can change it.

Best wishes sorry for rambling your post struck a chord and my heart went out to you.

Are. Work is there another role you can do within the team obviously they are happy with you or wouldn't keep you on. Discuss with your boss, don't be afraid to say you want more stimulation or something lime that they may even be pleased. If not then I expect they will give you a reference. But if you've got a job and you're well enough to do it but it soul destroying... See how you can improve it. Don't give up, it may take a while to get the satisfaction but there's usually more facets to a job than the ones people are not happy with. Are the company aware of your degree and your capabilities? Pipe yourself up don't let having being told you've got mental health problems stop you. We are who we want to be, being labelled for being different maybe isn't right. Just do your best girl, hold your head up high and be valued... Don't worry about the work colleague you had a relationship with. You're there to do the job and of you do it well you should be respected for that. It will become easier and time will heal from the break up and if they are talking about it just ignore it will be yesterdays news soon. There will be some other drama in their own lives to talk about. Most important thing is look after yourself and put yourself first. X

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The last poster has said it all !! Wonderful reply LaurieRose. XXx

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What you should also pick up from here...is that everybody is scared inside.

No one really feels good enough even the brave and beautiful. If anything, they are the most insecure.

Try and identify someone else at work who seems to have it the same or worse then you.

Strike up a conversation. It might be the best thing that has happened to that person.

You may get knocked back. Particularly of they are defensive because they are afraid.

But keep trying, or move on to someone else. Baby steps.

Set yourself 1 task a day.

So the above will be day one.

Day 2 will be continuing that conversation or moving to someone else.

Day 3 will be working towards an invite to do something together...eg cinema

Day 4 keep that momentum going. Find another person to do the same.

If things go wrong, go back to day 1.

Consider what went wrong.

Was it a lesson? What did you learn from it?

“Smiling is infectious,

you catch it like the flu,

When someone smiled at me today,

I started smiling too.

I passed around the corner

and someone saw my grin.

When he smiled I realized

I'd passed it on to him.

I thought about that smile,

then I realized its worth.

A single smile, just like mine

could travel round the earth.

So, if you feel a smile begin,

don't leave it undetected.

Let's start an epidemic quick,

and get the world infected!”

SPIKE MILLIGAN xxx

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Fantastic reply Foof. Many thanks XXX

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Thats a shame and my heart goes out to you.

I cant relate to the relationship side of things but I can relate to the job side of things. If you read my original post you will see that I actually worked in an office for 3 years, and put up with a lot of rubbish for 3 years, including a person whom I could only describe as "toxic". I managed to get myself out of that office and into what I thought was my "dream job" unbeknownst to me I had gone from one viper's nest straight into another, even bigger one. The only thing I could do was leave (I stayed for one week).

Now I am currently unemployed but doing everything in my power to get another job. A lot of people have said to me that what I did was really irresponsible, but those people did not walk in my shoes, they did not feel what I was feeling nor experienced what I had gone through. After having been treated very badly for nearly 3 years, there was noway I was going to stay anywhere else for more than one week and allow people to treat me the same or just as badly. By the end of the week I was a nervous wreck and my confidence took a nosedive so far down I thought there was no way back up and normally I am a very confident person. Sometimes your confidence is stripped away over a long period of time and you can be totally oblivious to it even happening to you! One day I realised I was scared of everything, doubted everything I did and had no confidence in anything, even something as simple as answering the phone in front of people. (Something that would normally have been water off a duck's back and would not have even given a single thought to).

I am not saying for you to pack your job in (I am fortunate that I have some savings, although not a lot, but enough that I can maybe survive for another couple of weeks while still looking for something new), but what I have learned is that I NEEDED A BREAK!!.. Now that I have had that break, I know I can take on something new and heaven help the person who tries to hurt me, undermine me or treat me badly now because I am in a far better place.

They say if you stand right in front of a big picture, you cant see what is going on because your too close. But if you take a few steps back, you get a better view and things become clearer, and that's what I think happened to me. Maybe, (just maybe), like me, you just "need a break".

Relationships and jobs are important but nothing is more important then YOU and your mental health, especially your mental health. When you can start to see things more clearly, its like and mist clearing and that's when you know things are getting better. I hope you feel better really soon. (I'm sorry if this sounded "preachy". It's not my intention but people on here have been so nice to me - I just wanted to return the favour by trying to help someone else).

I wish you all the luck in the world!!

XXXXXXX

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