Well its the 3rd jan 2018, 5.30 in morning ..so far so good ..i need to understand that it does not matter what any one thinks about me ..its how i value my self that is important my thoughts my feelings .i am still learning about my self and have found out i am not a unsociable person ( just very misunderstood) , i lock my self away as i am scared of people not physically but mentally and how they might judge me . i am not past the point of no return..in fact i am a caring ,loving,a great person who does not need peoples approval..i have the strength to over come , it will take alot of time and alot of support ..as a individual i am a force to be reckoned with, just because i have a different way of thinking or doing things its ok, i know their are people who are having a real bad time now and i cant imagine their pain.( my heart goes out to u ).but i can offer my support and give a listening ear and kind words, know it wont cure but its a start.. thought that what ever happened in my past was my fault, i was punishing my self,changed my appearance .(did not like me i felt dirty inside ) self harming, sucidal thoughts, did not deserve to be loved, just wanted to keep running away from me and society , and ended up isolating my self . as i did not want people knowing real me.. they would not understand or attempt to..so its better for me to just lead a stealth and unseen existance.