Is it bad?!!

[ang95]

Hi

When people say something rude to me or when someone start making fun of me and we talk as if it's a joke, i feel hurt a little bit but i don't let it sink in into my heart and leave a scar.

I had a conversation and i wasn't even the one who choose the subject, i just found myself in a cringe situation where i didn't know what to say and i said the first thing in my mind, it wasn't even a critic, it was just "yes yes of course" and i felt like the other person didn't like the respond.

Anyway, what i want to say, when i felt that my respond wasn't good and probably hurting or something, i felt so stressed and i felt so bad

And then i asked myself, why it's easy for them to say whatever they want and in a direct way without feeling regret or anything!

I always try to pick up the right words to not hurt anyone and sometimes i end up messing it up but i'm trying and i think too much about what i need to say before i say it(sometimes i have to answer fast so no thinking there).

I can let go when people say to me rude things that can hurts but i can't let it go if i felt that i bothered someone.

So basically, am i letting them hurting me and i'm not allowing myself to say a single word that can hurt, bother or make them feel bad, and if i did i feel so bad and regret!!

Is that bad?!

Should i learn more how to pick the right words! or should i be more like them and say whatever i want!!

[Hidden]

I know how you feel. For me, I also end up stewing about it after and giving myself a hard time for not saying what I wanted to. When you have depression/low self-esteem it’s all too easy to take things the wrong way, and/or not to have the assertiveness to say (coherently and constructively) what’s on your mind.

Afraid I can’t offer much in the way of advice as it’s something I’m still struggling with right now. However I do firmly believe the mind can be “reprogrammed” to be more open and assertive and not feel bad about it. It’s a long road and takes steady consistent work, but methinks it can be done.

[ang95 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, i really appreciate your support

Hopefully we will get there and everything will turn out fine

i will do my best

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi ang95, I think you need to be true to yourself regardless of what others say or behave. If you speak or act out of character, how would you feel about yourself? In the heat of the moment it is never easy to pre-plan what or how we should say something. I think we have all been there, where we wish we'd spoken up or said something differently after the event. You sound like a kind, compassionate and caring person, who won't deliberately want to wound someone with your words. But if you are the victim, learning to walk away from a hurtful situation, or learning to speak up for yourself appropriately is a good thing, showing that your opinion is valuable and you have self-worth. Being measured in our responses shows maturity. It depends on the individual situation, sometimes knee jerk reactions can't be helped.

What do you folks think?

[ang95 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Hi thank you so much for the support, i really appreciate it

You are 100% right and i think i need to find the balance between picking up the right words and learning more about how to speak up for myself.

In the end,i will not get a perfect balance, probably perfection doesn't exist and i will find myself in other situations where i would say something i don't mean or i will not be able to walk away from a hurtful situation. BUT i'm gonna try my best to get closer as much as i can to the balance.

[ang95]

Hey, thanks for sharing

Yeah you right, walking away is the right answer

[Tillz14]

I'd avoid these people and maybe take time away to look at yourself and realise what's good about you and when you know these things, then if you want to go back to these people, it will be a lot easier to deal with the things they say. You'll be able to ignore them by remembering what's good about you. Sometimes other people are insecure of theirselves and this is why they say words that hurt. So try and understand that their situation may be similar or even worse, but the hurtful words they say to you are their way of coping. Not everyone can handle their insecurities! You're strong for biting your tongue and being the better person!

[ang95 in reply to Tillz14]

Thank you for the support i really appreciate it ♥

I will give myself some time to appreciate the good things that i have and hold on to it.

I will always keep in my mind that anyone who sad hurtful thing to me can be in a similar situation or worse, i'm not so good with words but i'm always trying not to hurt anyone.

I will make it better.

[Zoea]

Conversations are difficult. It's rare that you'll say something wrong that actually ruins a relationship in the eyes of the person that you say it too. They may make mistakes ; you may make mistakes ; it's life. Just be open when you say something silly and be honest with someone who says something hurtful to you. If you can't do this keep trying and if that doesn't work I guess find others to talk to.

We're on your side! As someone said above, you sound like a caring individual, many people actually don't think about the effects of their words and are just like school bullies.

Best wishes.

[ang95 in reply to Zoea]

I do make mistakes but i would never come to a person and critic there personality by saying "why you lazy! you need to learn more!..." it's like they are saying i'm not good enough. I didn't let it bother me for too long but then i found that a little word for me can make them feel bad and i regret it even if it's a silly mistake and meaningless thing.

Like Tillz14 said above, I won't neglect the fact that those people can be in the same situation as me or worse.

Thank you so much for the support i really appreciate it

Take care.

[Zoea in reply to ang95]

Thanks I appreciate the reply and kind words. I make mistakes in conversation - I think you'd have to be an alien not to (LoL). So just don't let it drag you down, if you can't get it off your chest, apologise and discuss it next time you see that person? ? .

[ang95 in reply to Zoea]

Thanks for the reply

I apologized and everything went pretty good actually, it wasn't as bad as i imagined it. Probably I worry too much.