Unsure

Hey, this doesn't really have anything directly to do with my anxiety but it is affecting it. There is a guy at college who talks to me. He approached me a week or two ago and asked for my number but I don't give out my number.. so we have just been chatting in person ever since. I kinda got to know him better and I just don't know. I don't know if I like him/am attracted to him because he actually talks to me or if I actually have feelings for him. I have been honest with him and tried not to be a different person while talking to him and he keeps coming back, even when I think he will be avoiding me after a converstion. He is everything I'm not, he goes to parties, has his ears pierced, different family life, etc. I don't really listen to music, watch movies, have piercings, wear makeup, party, go to concerts, because of my faith and religion. I guess it is not common for guys to approach me like that and ask for my number, and I have never had a boyfriend (I'm soon 18 and he's 19). I guess in my church it is not advised to go after guys who are not a part of our church and I don't know really what to do. I can't stop thinking about this and it has been affecting my anxiety, overthinking, and even my grades have been starting to slip a little bit. I know my friends don't approve of me talking to him... but I just don't know!

14 Replies

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  • hello Irma

    Perhaps the heading you have chosen 'unsure' tells us a lot. Just take things steady as you are and keeping your own boundaries like not giving out your phone number. It is natural to feel anxious around any new relationship and it is good to meet people of different backgrounds whilst keeping yourself safe but if this is affecting your grades take care.

    Thanks for sharing

  • Well shoot, cuz I just gave him my number today... and the post by Inte really made me worried. He seems super nice... I did make more 'rules' I guess you can say with going to the library to not be distracted and to take care of my homework. Thank you for you post, sorry to waste your time. I'll just have to see how this plays out.

  • Hi Irma,

    First of all the sentence "I guess in my church it is not advised to go after guys who are not a part of our church" does not sound really healthy. People these days tend to give too much attention to relligion and they don't realise it is some kind of oppression affecting their private lives. I have to say that this boy sounds like someone who is constantly in the limelight. I would not call it bad, however I never enjoyed with parties too much and excessive socialising.

    Anyway, to my mind he is flirting with you or it is just some kind of a hoax to impress his friends.

    PS. Maybe you should reconsider your connection with church before it is too late. For many thousands of years governments used to opress people with relligion distorting the rational and logical point of view of a human and it is also happening these days. As we both know what goes around comes around.

  • Irma, I have been where to are. Just take it slow and enjoy his company. He sounds like he really likes you. Give it a chance

  • Take it slowly, it seems like you coping with a lot, sort the boundaries out, college is great fir meeting people, let us know, good luck x

  • Thanks

  • I had caffeine at supper last night so I was up till 2:30. He was on his way home from a concert so we texted until 1:20am. It was SO much easier to talk to him through texting than in person! I am guessing he was maybe a little surprised and the huge contrast. In person I never know what to say and it often gets a little awkward 😐 I am wondering if I should tell him of my social anxiety? I think that may help clear up some things, and If I should... by texting or in person at school?

  • I suffer from social anxiety and have found that it helps to let others know about it. I’m glad you had a good time texting with this guy. Sounds like you’re hitting it off

  • I am finding being honest, liberating, may lose a few "friends" along the way, but you know who is who! X

  • True, I did tell him and he was very understanding about it and was glad I am doing better. We are both quite open to either actually. I went to valleyscare last night an invited him, he couldn't come and felt SO bad. :) he's so cute

  • Either=eachother

  • Don’t judge a book by its cover. That said, I think it’s wise that you are concerned about him “going to parties”... perhaps you can share your faith with him as you get to know him. There’s something about you that’s attracting him, maybe it’s that. 🤔

  • Thanks for your reply. We used to text all of the time, but one day he stopped and avoided me at college. I asked him why and said if he wanted to be done talking its alright. He said that we just dont have anything in common, which I did agree. I was a more upset about him completly avoiding me than him deciding to be done. So now we dont even really acknowledge eachother at school, but we sit across the room and make occasional eye contact...

  • I’m sorry 😔. Well, at least you put yourself out there and gave it a shot.

    When it’s right, it will happen.

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