Suicide

[digginsa]

Sitting in my office at work, the ex girlfriend messages me about the website I created, without a care in the world. I am struggling today how do you make the pain go away, everyone says I'll be ok and time will help but I feel even worse today than I did when she ended it in Aug, I really feel like I don't want to carry on anymore 😪

[Ladygrey]

You will be ok. It's still very raw. You have to be strong, you have to keep busy, you have to exercise.

You will be ok.

[sweetiepye]

Hello, I don't think it makes a solid relationship when one partner loves so intensely he/she is willing to stop living if it doesn't work out. And it won't work out because of the burden that puts on the other person. It's a very manipulative way of behaving. You will start to feel better. All of us have been through some version of this and we all recover. By the way, it is your assumption that she hasn't a care in the world, you don't really know that . So stop the negative thoughts and buck yourself up. The best thing in your life may be just around the corner. Pam

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello there digginsa, you certainly do sound low in mood to-day and struggling to come to terms with the ending of your last relationship, though the travel distance perhaps put a strain there and made things more difficult between you both. You mention that you don't feel like you can carry on and that is a very significant cry for help and support, and you have already had some very supportive replies to your message of distress. On a positive note you are still getting up every day and going to work, so that you are meeting people and keeping yourself focused which is a very important factor in helping to overcome your depression. This seems to say that you very much want to carry on fighting, but perhaps getting the text message to-day from your previous girlfriend has upset you very much to the point where you feel you are really struggling. But you cannot allow a message to interfere with your thoughts and feelings so much that you are not sure how to carry on. Ending relationships can be very difficult and can bring forth a variety of different emotions such as depression, loneliness.......even a fear of being unable to cope again on your own. You are a strong person and being strong will help you to get through this. Remember that you are a very worthwhile person with much to give to family, friends, work colleagues and importantly to yourself. You must not give up hope but please try and look after yourself. Even break up your day into mornings, afternoons and evenings and that way your day may not seem so insurmountable. In time when you are feeling better you may like to set some small goals to begin with , to any of these sections of your day. That way planning aims and goals can be more achievable and can help us to become more motivated and positive. But most importantly please look after yourself and perhaps make an urgent appointment to see your GP and explain how you are feeling. You do need to seek Professional Medical Help in order to access support for yourself. Your GP may wish you to have a combination of medication and therapy , where you will have the opportunity to talk about your losses and hurt and distress.

If you feel you may hurt yourself....... please dial 999 for immediate help

NHS dial 111 for non medical emergencies

Samaritans dial 116 123

e-mail [e-mail]

or visit samaritans.org

Also please look at the Pinned Notices to the right of your screen. Look at Crisis Support Helplines where you will find some very helpful literature and support and look at Guides to Mental Health.

Stay strong and positive for yourself and try and look to build up your future. Think of all the things you can do and make a list of them. Then when you do the activities on your list , you can be proud of your achievements, which in turn may help you to see life in a more worthwhile and valuable frame of mind. Try some relaxation exercises........yoga.....meditation........mindfulness.....listening to soothing and enjoyable music and anything else that can bring forth some enjoyment in your life, as opposed to thinking negatively .Your life is a precious gift and though we all have to go through difficulties and heartbreak, we can and do get through them. Just believe that you can. Just believe that you will.

Please let us know that you are safe and that you will seek medical help and support. Everyone on this forum will be supporting you and hoping that you will feel better and brighter in yourself soon..........with kindest regards and we are all thinking of you and send positive vibes to aid your recovery...........

[digginsa]

Hello thank you for your message, it has made me cry I seem to be doing a lot of that at the moment, my job is a new job and is going slower than I expected so finding myself in my office with time on my hands, the idea of just going home tonight and taking all my tablets before bed does cross my mind, but I wouldn't want my son to find me in the morning, perhaps I could just take the tablets and go out and lay somewhere while he's asleep so he will think I have just gone to work in the morning, my local GP practice is in crisis and all the GP's up and left so my doctor I had has gone and to get an appointment is proving difficult, I also don't want to waste there time more important people with worse conditions than me deserve gp's, I have blocked the ex on social media so this is not me trying to get her attention she has no way to know and I wouldn't tell her. I never felt as low as I do now even through my divorce I genuinely feel the world will be a better place without me, my son would have to go back to his mothers this would force her to take a role in his life which he is missing, my family don't care about me so my son is the only person who really loves me and he is 15 he will get over it 😪

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello digginsa and thank you very much for your reply. You sound a very caring person with feelings. Please hold on to these caring feelings. this is because a caring person like you will not leave your son. He is only 15 and loves you and he is at a very vulnerable age. You say he would get over it if you harm yourself. at 15, he will never get over it and he will never ever come to terms if his beloved dad leaves him. please continue to think about your sons needs. you say he is the most important person in your life. then honour that love and continue in your important role as hid daddy. He too has gone through a lot , with his Mum and Dad separating and undoubtedly he is worried too about your very low mood. Do not be selfish and leave him floundering for the rest of his life, and he would always question why . You must seek Urgent Medical Help this evening. This is vital. Please phone the Crisis Team immediately for help and support. At the moment you are the person in need of urgent help so please get this help now. I am very concerned and just want you to stay safe and under no circumstances harm yourself. Speak with the Samaritans who understand what you are going through. And remember that though ending a relationship is very difficult, it is most certainly not the cause of you thinking of harming yourself. Your life is more precious than a broken relationship. Your heart will heal, just give it time and patience . You only have ONE LIFE. Then please seek urgent help so that you get better and want to embrace your life to the full. As according to Health Unlocked guidelines and the Shaw Mind Foundation, I will need to alert them to your post so that it does not cause distress and anxiety to any members of the forum who may be feeling vulnerable. They will be concerned for you and will support you and will just want you to stay safe and get urgent help. Please continue to think about your son's needs and your own needs. You are a very important person with a lot to give. You can turn your life around , so that you are not feeling so negatively. So start doing that right now by PICKING UP THE PHONE AND ASKING FOR THE HELP YOU NEED AND this request from me to you for YOUR SON WHO NEEDS YOU...................Kindest and heartfelt regards...........and just stay safe...........

[digginsa in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Hi thank you for your kind words, I feel a coward today as I couldn't take the tablets last night, I took them with me and went for a walk when my son went to bed, I cried until it hurt , but like a coward I couldn't do it , today I am numb and putting on a fake smile as my boy went to school, I feel lost and ashamed, I am sorry if I am causing upset to people on her or wasting anyone's time 😪

[MAS_Nurse in reply to digginsa]

Hello digginsa, I am the same MAS Nurse who replied to your very sad posts yesterday and a few days ago. Thank you so very much for your reply and I have been thinking of you and your safety and I am really proud of you for not taking your tablets. As advised so kindly by Abestar please put them out of reach for now until you feel stronger. In no way are you a coward for not taking your tablets. But most importantly you have now Proved to yourself that somewhere perhaps deeply subconscious you Value your life, no matter how hard and difficult things are for you at the moment. That says an awful lot about you as a person and a very caring Daddy. That tells me that you are a strong person even if you do not think so. When we feel low and sad and so despondent, it is easy for all kinds of thoughts and feelings to go through our minds . Do not feel ashamed of these emotional feelings, instead look on them as a blessing and as a gift. Emotions are important as they help us to recognise how we are feeling, whether that is sad or happy. Feeling very low and depressed is an emotional state, it is a very difficult place to be in at times. But you have taken some very important and significant steps which I hope will be of benefit to you in time. Firstly you have admitted to yourself that you are very low with thoughts of taking your tablets last night. Secondly you posted your thoughts and feelings on this forum. Thirdly to do all this takes a lot of courage and shows a commitment to wanting to live and wanting to get better. Fourthly, this forum has very kind people who want to reach out and help others, because they have or are going through similar feelings of despair and loneliness. They want to share their own personal unique and sometimes traumatic journeys, so others can benefit from their experiences and advice. So it is really important for you to keep posting on here so that our members know every day how you are, and we all want to know that you are keeping safe. But if you have not yet asked for help and Professional Medical Advice, I would ask and encourage you to do so. In order to get better you need all the support from your GP, Mental Health Services , Counselling and pehaps a CPN...( community psychiatric nurse). Please get help for both YOU AND YOUR SON WHO NEEDS HIS BELOVED DADDY.You both deserve to be happy and it is possible for you to feel happy again and to learn to enjoy your life again, and treat your LIFE AS A SPECIAL GIFT. Perhaps you could also make a list of simple outings to begin with, of where you could take your son. Getting out, even if it is just for a walk can give you both some special quality time together. Talk to your son about how you are feeling. He will I am sure be relieved if you explain simply to him that you are feeling low, but that you are going to ask your doctor for help to get better. He may worry less if he knows and understands about your illness. PLEASE DO THIS FOR BOTH OF YOU. ABOVE ALL PLEASE STAY SAFE FOR YOU YOUNG SON. Also keep posting so that you will continue to receive support from our members to help you through this really difficult time. We look forward to hearing from you soon. I am not actually on duty to-day but I wanted to know that you are safe, so when I saw your reply I just wanted to send you another post to encourage you to look after yourself. Stay as well as you can and please get support for you and your son, you both deserve this...................with my kindest and heartfelt thoughts...........

[Abestar]

Hello digginsa

You're not wasting anyone's time at all. You are precious even though you can't quite see it right now. Like me there will be many people who will have viewed your post and be willing for you to have a safe landing ground, the other side of where you are now.

With your safety in mind , I would ask you to remove your tablets so they are less accessible. This would be a baby step in the right direction.

You suggested that your absence could create the space for your son's mum to step up to her responsibilities. You can't guarantee that would happen in the way that you would want, and that could be a double blow to your son. He is worth living for, and then when your stronger you can live for yourself. You son deserves this. You so deserve this.

MAS has provided you with wise words indeed, read them again and follow the practical advice given and get support.

Look forward to hearing your progress.

Blessings

Xx

[DMM218 Ambassador]

Digginsa - I know what you are going through - I split with my ex in April- he was the love of my life - we had issues but I thought he would come back to work it out. Until August he was keeping in touch and flirting. However, mid august I learnt he was seeing someone else. I tried to get him back but it was pointless he has moved on. So, it's been hell. So much pain. I've not been eating, I'm drinking to get to sleep, I keep seeing him with new bird in my head. It's awful. I've thought about suicide cos of the pain and rest of stuff in life. I'm stopped as I have a daughter who needs me. But I feel weak for feeling like this. I have accepted that my idea of my future is gone for good. I'm trying to do new things to lift me out of depression but most important of all I'm trying to love myself. I remember the love I have or had for my ex and I give that to me. I'm still in pain but it gets a little better - some good days some bad. But I know that my ex couldn't have been the only love for me as he has been too cruel over the split - I've also thought about the issues he had and couldn't sort. I'm not blaming myself anymore (most days)

You will get through this. Pain can teach us so much if you are able to accept it. Please just go day by day - don't do anything impulsive and try to love yourself as you are a great man. Looking after your son shows this.