28 and still living with my parents

[Cattparker9]

I think the title sums it up.

I live in Hertfordshire. London prices without the wage. I work full time. Some times 50+hour weeks. Just above "living wage".

But I'm a single female so have my individual wage to try and save. I have a car on h/p. Not a spectacular car but needed one so went hire purchase. Paying rent to my parents and trying to save money.

I earn too much to qualify for any extra income support and even though I've applied for council housing I'm very low priority.

But then I look at my close group of friends. 2 have their mortgages with one earning her phd. Ones moved in with her other half, granted their renting, but they're comfortable, and the last one building a reasonable personal training career alongside playing rugby for the national team.

I look to them and feel horrific. So down. What am I doing wrong? I feel like I'm failing completely despite the fact that I know there's many other people like me out there. Others still living at home but sitting on their student loan debt with a degree but still at home with theit parents.

Does anyone have any advice for me to get out this situation? Or is there anyone else in a similar position but a more positive outlook on this?

[mena52]

First of all Cattparker9 be proud of yourself and what you have achieved. Yes you still live at home at 28 years old but that is no age and now days how the hell are people going to be able to move out and get on the housing ladder? Renting is ridiculous prices and mortgages need such a large deposit and very hard to manage with owning a place on your own. Don't put yourself down, you are doing really well. Be proud of yourself and love yourself more. So you're friends all seem to be doing well, you think they are doing better, but do you really know? The grass always looks greener on the other side and how do you know they don't actually envy your life? Please be kind to yourself more and don't get yourself down. Everything comes to those who wait so they say and although you may think you are getting old at 28, believe me you are not, you have so much more life and living ahead of you and who knows what is around the corner for you. Chin up lovely, you are doing better than you think. Love & hugs xxx

[Cattparker9 in reply to mena52]

Thank you. As much as I read articles from news papers and statistics I know it's not just me in this situation and so many others like myself are in the same predicament if not worse. It's still frustrating. However thank you for your kind words.

[mena52 in reply to Cattparker9]

Hi Cattparker9 thanks for your reply. It is very frustrating and disheartening knowing that you are not the only one in this situation and that thought doesn't really help you I know and hey you are allowed to feel down and sorry for yourself sometimes you're only human, but just be kind to yourself to and remind yourself how well you are doing and that you are in no way a failure in life. Hopefully one day soon things will improve and you like the others will be able to afford to move out, get your independance and get your own place. My two children are just a bit older than you, one lives abroad, the other around the corner. The only reason she has her own place is because she got pregnant at the age of 17 and by 20 she had moved up the waiting list on the local authority (plus my place was too small for her and a young toddler as well as myself) so she was lucky but she rents, works full time is still studying (final year of her teaching degree this year) and raises my grandson whilst also looking after her flat alone. She does struggle and because she works full time doesn't get any help towards her rent. You will get there one day I promise, just hang on in there and well done xxx

[marigold22]

You are in a very expensive part of the UK. There is a fairly new idea around - Homeshare, where a young person gets a room in an older person's house, and has to give 10 hours help a week. Why not look into that, and also move to a cheaper part of the country? I'm 66 now, but I think I would give that a try if I was young. Good luck

[marigold22 in reply to marigold22]

homeshareuk.org/

[Cattparker9 in reply to marigold22]

Thank you I will look at the website you've posted.

[Rosepetal60]

Hello Cattparker9, I've read your post a few times and agree with mena52 and marigold22. And I have one other thought, have you or would you consider joining the forces such as the RAF or Royal Navy ? This way you would have your accomadation and meals included, so your wage money would be yours to save and you would make new friends and also have a great experience of life in the forces.

[Cattparker9 in reply to Rosepetal60]

Hi.

Yeah I've looked into the forces. Got quite far into the navy applications but due to poor mental health on medical records I wasn't allowed further. This even happened with the police. It's frustrating as I always look up to those serving in the forces, my dad is ex army and a retired fire fighter and it's such an admirable career.

But thank you for your reply. It's genuinely appreciated.

[Rosepetal60 in reply to Cattparker9]

Hello Cattparker9, thank you for taking the time to reply. I've learnt something today from your reply and I thank you for that. And I now know not to suggest this in the future on this site. And I feel it is such a shame especially as you were interested before I mentioned it. There is a career job out there for you, but some more research it seems will be needed. Best of luck 🍀

[marigold22]

By the way, statistics now show that only around 12% of first time buyers manage to buy alone. The other 88% buy with a partner or one or even two friends. So you really are beating yourself up.

[Hidden]

Hi! I'm 57 & I'm finally living by myself. I lived with my parents until I was 50.

[Hidden]

Hiya, sounds like you have achieved a lot already. There's no point comparing yourself to others (even though we all do it sometimes). You can always find someone better/worse off. Just be proud of your accomplishments and, most of all, be kind to yourself and do what makes you happy. You are still young and, at 28, have so many choices available. Just set your sights on something you really want to do and go for it! Take care,

[MarkYoung]

You sound like you're in wonderful company despite your financial situation. Have you talked to them about it? If they're good close friends, they will listen and give you the full story. They might (and should) also explain and express to you why they want you as a friend.

Because if they are close friends, they evidently put value into your mere company. It's even quite possible that they only feel complete with having you as a friend.

[Nikki72]

Please don't feel you're doing anything wrong (or if you are, I'm doing it

wrong too and so are a heck of a lot of people out there!). The reason I came across your post? I literally typed into Google '28 and still living at home'. Your question was top of the list!

It's so good to know I'm not the only one out there stuck in this situation.

I'm 28, still living at home with the parents, no boyfriend and, frankly, I can't see anyway it's going to change. I live in Cornwall, where the job opportunities are awful (the only real employers are the Council, NHS and the tourist sector). I work for the Council in admin; I left school at 18 with A levels but no real idea what I wanted to do. Hence, I've been stuck in admin jobs because I have no higher qualifications. I also have general anxiety disorder to the extreme that I don't/can't apply for jobs that involve answering a phone. Just think about how many jobs involve using the phone, and you'll see how much that limits me.

I have Aspergers too, so I struggle with social interactions and basically avoid society. I never go out in the evenings or at the weekend, unless it involves my parents (how sad is that???). We moved here about a year ago, about 300 miles from our old home, and I haven't made any new friends here (apart from the people I work with). Now, when I look on Facebook and see my old friends meeting their boyfriend's parents or getting engaged, it makes me wonder how that's ever going to be me.

I write books, and I'm currently creating the background to the fantasy world I've

set the books in - that's what takes up most of my evenings. So, I'm either a massive saddo, sat in her bedroom making up fantasy worlds or the next George RR Martin! (I prefer to think the latter)

I think the only way I'm getting through this situation is to find a few

positives each day. Also, I try to think that you never know what tomorrow may bring.

[Kadidja]

Hello thereEverytime I've tried to find someone in the same situation I don't find anyone.

I am 28 and half female muslim african woman. In my country women are treated as if they are belongings.

I am unemployed cause my dad decide I will practice only the kinda job he wants me too I refused. Now he makes life miserable for me at home. I can't leave the family house as long as I'm not married. I am a prisoner. I don't even know if they want me to die possibly. They put pressure on me about marriage but I have no one and I won't let them arrange a marriage for me.

My main issue can't go anywhere. Even walking if I don't tell them they make me through hell. My brothers or cousins have to come with me no matter where I go... life is tough. I don't wanna go crazy.

I have been depressed my whole life.