My boyfriend is making my mental health worse

I've been on a low for a couple of weeks now and I'm feeling fat,ugly,worthless and like I'm stuck hear having to go through this torture everyday because I can't kill myself,I have 4 children who would be devastated so I have to stay hear for them,the other week I heard my boyfriend commented on a 21 year old bum (we are both 37) it really upset me because he's cheated on the past and now I feel even worse, the last few days I haven't felt as bad but he's just come in from a friend's house while I've been sat on my own for the night and his friend happens to be going out with this girl,maybe I'm being immature or maybe I'm seeing things worse because I'm on a low but I just feel so worthless right now and feel like I'm going to have a panic attack

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  • Hi,

    So sorry to hear you are feeling like this.

    First can I say that you are not worthless, you have 4 kids that show you are not worthless.

    If you have done some breathing techniques in the past use these to help with the panic attack. It is so easy to feel unhappy when you are feeling low.

    Have you been to see anyone about feeling low?

    Do you have any techniques that you can use to help you?

    Is there anyone who supports you that you can talk to?

    When you are on your how do you have anything to do so that you are not over thinking, because sometimes it help to have something to do.

    Sometimes people in relationships make comments that they don't realize affects their partners.

    Try to reduce your stress levels and calm your breathing. Take another look at the situation in the morning, it may seem better then.

    The priority for you is making sure you are okay because you have 4 children who need and love you.

    Does your partner support you with your illness?

    Have you spoken to him about how low you are right now and is he helping you with this?

    I know I have asked lots of questions, you don't need to answer all of them.

    But I do suggest if you have techniques to help relax yourself and control your breath that you try these. The other questions may help you in the morning to try and help with your low mood.

    I know how it feels to have a partner that you are not sure about. I wish you all the best and hope that everything works out.

    I hope you feel better soon.

    Take care.

  • My care coordinator said possible bipolar disorder,last time I was like this for 8months,I know I'm probably getting myself worked up for nothing but I'vebeen with him for 20 years and he's cheated a lot I'm just thinking will I ever be good enough

  • Hi,

    I am so sorry that he has cheated on you so much, I can see why you are worried.

    So you've been with your boyfriend for 20 years and your 37? That would mean you were 17 when you started to live together, which is really young?

    If that is right he is basically used to straying and you being there for him. That sounds like he hasn't really grown up.

    You do realize that you are far too good for him and that he doesn't deserve you.

    You are most definitely not worthless and you can change and sort this. You are not ugly either, we are all unique and all have our own levels of beauty.

    What I have found out from my breakdown is that it is possible to get out of that horrible place that you end up it. It is possible to turn things around and to see what ourselves in a better life. You have 4x as many reasons as I had to do that and I know you can.

    What I would suggest is that you look into working on self-esteem and self-confidence. I am working on these and I am finding that doing so has taught me so much about myself.

    I can tell you that I find that you are such a strong woman already to have 4 kids. I have so much respect for any woman these days who has children, I wasn't even able to have one. So to me you are not worthless.

    I would suggest that you look at focusing on you and getting better. See if you can get help to find out what you feel ugly and worthless. Is this truly how you feel about yourself or are you just going along with what other people have said? It is not easy to look at these views of yourself, I know because I did it with the psychologist I was working with and it was eye opening to find that how I felt about myself was not really based on how I felt but more to do with the actions of others towards me.

    If you want to talk more about this you can send me a PM.

    If nothing else please believe me that you are not worthless and you are a far better person than him and he certainly doesn't deserve you.

    I wish you all the best and I hope you can find help and a way to improve how you feel.

    Take care.

  • Yes we got together when I was 17,our first son was born in 1999 when I was 19 then my other son in 2000,my daughter was born in 2002 and my baby boy in 2007,I'm extremely lucky,I just can't seem to pull myself out of this hole that I'm in

  • You can do this.

    I read a quote not so long ago that said something like "how do you expect things to change if you just keep doing the same things all the time."

    To me this meant if I just took tablets and didn't get other help so that I could recognize the signs that I had been ignoring for years then there was no point in doing anything because I wouldn't get better and I so wanted to get better and feel happy again.

    I know it will be hard for you to find time for yourself with all your kids and I am sure they have been stressing over school work and exams, which will have added even more tension into the house.

    It is also hard knowing where to start when you know you want to change and there is so many areas that you feel need to be changed. I didn't know whether to start with the mind or the body to being with. I knew I had to get my head straight, but there was also the stomach pains, lack of sleep, migraines and also being on the cusp of being classed as obese as well to deal with. As I am an over thinker and a pessimist it was easy for me to see that I need to go for working my head. I need detail and I needed my questions answered. Not why this had happened to me, but more to do with find out what anxiety and depression is and how they relate to stress. The CBT program I did was great, it gave me the knowledge behind anxiety and depression and also gave me exercises to working to help with my thoughts and recognize when I was using negative self talk and how to change my thinking. The stress control class I did gave me even more information in stress and more techniques to use.

    I like knowing I have a toolbox of supplies so I can fix things. A home I have my toolbox with hammer, spanners, etc. When I was coaching my sport I had 2 toolboxes one for physical tools incase people need to make repairs to their kit. It is amazing what you can fix with duct tape, dental floss and string. :-D I also had the invisible toolbox which was all my techniques to help calm an archer who was going into a head to head competition or was just not shooting well that day.

    i had been trying to use what I knew from coaching, but my brain was playing tricks on me and I just couldn't get the techniques to work. So i have learned new techniques to back up the ones I already knew.

    Once I got working on sorting my head out and had got a bit more sleep I started working on my health and exercise issues. I am still working on get the balance right with everything, but I am so much better that I was.

    You have to want to do this change for yourself and the changes you make have to be ones that are going to acceptable to you and ones that you are going to stick with. For me that didn't mean that I wasn't going to try things I wasn't sure about, but for other people that may not be an option.

    If you make the change for yourself your kids will benefit from it to, but you have to do this for you.

    Wow, I have talked too much again. Sorry.

    Take care.

  • Thankyou,you haven't talked too much and what you say makes sense, I'm exhausted today and so depressed so I've put a deep conditioner on her hair then I'm going to have a bath and put some make up on,I haven't put make up on for a long time but I think if I make some effort into the way I look I might just perk up a bit, Maybe I need a tool box? what would you suggest I put in it?

  • Excellent, you treat yourself. I also paint nails bright red when I am treating myself. I don't normally wear nail varnish because my sport and hobbies are tough on my nails and my nail varnish ends up chipped really quickly. I found the bright red really perked me up and made me feel special.

    If you are really tired all the time I'd suggest looking into sleep hygiene and making adjustments where you can to get more sleep.

    You could also look at your hydration levels as well. I noticed a difference once I took a look at home much I was drink in general during the week and I now ensure that I stay hydrated. You can get details for this on line as well. Look at when you are having your last caffeinated drink each day because that could be affecting your sleep and also alcohol is dehydrating. The great thing I found was that if you ensure you are getting enough fluids everyday it can also help with weight loss, because sometimes when we fell hungry we are actually dehydrated, or at least that is what all the experts say. :-D

    The Shaw mind foundation has some really good resources to help you as well so check out their website.

    Take care.

  • I will do,thankyou for your help

  • You are welcome. if you want to chat about things you can send me a message.

    If you are struggling find a song that remind you to take care of you and play it or find a quote or image that speaks to you as well. My quote is "Don't be so hard on yourself" which funnily enough is a song my Jesse Glynn. I also have a playlist of my "Get up and be strong" songs. :-D The other quote I use is "I am enough" :-D

    Take care.

  • I have been cheated on as well and it has nothing to do with you. Men cheat because they can't control their lustful desires. Women also cheat, don't get me wrong. Maybe it's all for different reasons, but it is wrong either way.

    You are loved by someone that never changes and his love is unconditional; flaws and all. His name is Jesus Christ.

  • I know I am 😊 thankyou

  • HE will never be good enough.

  • He had always been good enough for me,he just never made me feel the same

  • Worthless? You are Mom. Mom is the name for God on your children's lips. You are their everything.

    You ask will you ever be good enough? You should be asking is he good enough? Ask yourself what is best for you and your children. You may have some tough decisions ahead but you are worth more than this.

  • I am their everything and their my world but I just feel broken,i wanna snap out of it and be my old self again but I can't,their worth so much more than I'm giving them but I'm gonna keep trying

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