How do I stop getting upset and be more positive???

[Anthony88]

Hi. A friend introduced me to this website and said it really helped him.

I just want advice on what to do, I have two beautiful girls and a beautiful girlfriend but I'm finding myself pushing them all away by letting everything get me down and I get stupidly paranoid, therefore upsetting everyone around me. Soon I'm going to loose it all because I let things get to me so so easily. And I cry a lot over not a lot. I can't control my emotions and they are usually depressed ones.

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Antony

Do you feel to happy and you are frightened to loose those you love.

Are there any problems at work or any other problem that is sitting in your past. You need to know the reasons why you feel the way you do. To know the reasons will move you on through your concerns and you will then be able to move on.

Is there talks of Marriage can that be causing you doubts. If you are on a course of self destruction you need help, see your Doctor if you cannot find the reasons for those base feelings.

When young and becoming settled with someone we do become a little Paranoid, it can be all down to trust. If that is the case you need to address the problem.

You have two nice kids and the Mother of your Children, you are very lucky, move on and enjoy

BOB

[Emchcaja]

Hi,

Sorry u feel lke this cos as far as i see u give ur family everything nd its ur girlfriend whose causing trouble, ask urself nd her why

Karen

[DMM218 Ambassador]

Hello. It's horrible when you feel as if you are going to lose everything. You say you're stupidly paranoid. Ok. Unless you acting on your paranoia - this feeling isn't hurting anyone but you. Have you talked to girlfriend about your fears? Sometimes we tell people how we feel and their response either is to try and change how we feel, or disprove our feelings, or react emotionally or defensively back.

That rarely works as they haven't accepted how you feel. That's a different thing from accepting the reasons you feel that way. But often the two are confused.

If this is the reaction then you may feel unheard. Not understood. Not accepted. You may blame yourself more. You may feel scared to reveal your feelings. All of which makes it worse.

At present you cant change how you feel. No doubt you've tried.

A change in how you communicate with your gf may help. You may want to think about what you want to say and write down stuff to keep in mind.

The key is communication without blame. This allows you to express your emotions without them becoming attached to her behavior. So, start my telling her how you feel. Tell her that your emotions belong to you. They are created by you. That you are not blaming her for how you feel. Keep it simple just talk about feelings not the cause of them. Allow her to tell you how she feels too. Remember to share any good emotions too, the love that's there.

If you move on to the thoughts that create the emotions, remember link them. I feel paranoid and I think you don't love me.

[DMM218 Ambassador in reply to DMM218]

Don't talk for too long it's emotionally exhausting hard work so try to stop after 40 mins. Damage can be done if tired and stop following the rules to communicate without blame. If at end of chat you feel that gf now accepts your feeling of paranoia then that's a huge step in right direction. Remember and tell her she's not responsible for your paranoia. It's most likely you are suffering mental ill health and may need meds to help stop this. So see GP. Look online at stuff like communication. CBT and mindfulness help.