I have suffered from depression for a long time and have been on medication for the last two years following a moment where I hit rock bottom and attempted suicide.
There are days where I am absolutely fine, and other days where stress will trigger it off again and I find myself not only anxious and snappy, but I become another person, a vindictive bastard... then I realise I've hurt others and I'm filled with emotion, regret and remorse. I struggle with the slightest hint of stress and my blood pressure shoots through the roof!
I'm intelligent, hard working and have loads of integrity but I can't seem to hold down a job. I get the hell in over the slightest things and throw in the towel in a strop. I've been told that I am excellent with people, thus have always been in hospitality or PR.
I really need to understand where I am at. I know I need to be referred to a psychiatrist but don't have the financial means to see one. I know that pills mask the symptoms but I need to fix from deep within.
I feel far behind everyone my age (early forties), I feel that I want to thrive but hit a barrier and it is tough to climb over that wall.
Am I bipolar? I know I've got depression, anxiety and high blood pressure, but could it be something more?