anyone else keep losing their job over depression?

[dozymoomin]

I have been trying EVERYTHING to fix/manage my depression, I am constantly trying different medication to see if anything will improve, I am going to different therapies, I am trying meditation and self-care exercises, I talk things out with friends and family, I am on the waiting list for the mental health access team - and I may feel well again for a while but it always comes back.

I am only 25 and I have gone through 14 jobs in my life already (another 5 at least if you include voluntary or work experience) because I either get too ill to work (ie. end up taking too much time off sick, or fail at the tasks because of lack of concentration/motivation/memory loss and slow movement/speech) or end up talking myself into quitting the job and just walk out. I can't help but feel so mad at myself for giving up on things as soon as they start to get a little bit hard, and for once I just want to follow something through and stick with a job.

In January I began a role as a tattoo apprentice in a local studio as I realised that I would love to become a tattoo artist - I'd not only be doing something creative that I am passionate about, but also importantly I could be self-employed and choose my own working hours to suit me and fit around my health.

Unfortunately many people don't understand the culture behind the tattoo industry, where you basically have to work very hard for free and put up with all the bitch work no one else wants to do, and get teased and shouted at by your bosses to 'toughen you up' and eventually earn your place in the industry then they will respect you and leave you alone.

When I first started I was in a good place and could deal with all of this fine, but a few months in I started to doubt myself and I found it harder and harder to cope with being shouted at constantly, which in turn made me get more in my own head and mess things up more until I started doing things so wrong on a regular basis that they had to let me go as I became a health and safety risk. I just became so anxious about going into work every day worrying what I was going to mess up next, feeling suicidal most of the time, when at first I was so excited and loved being there and going into work every day made me feel better. What happened??

I feel like I've ruined such a great opportunity, to work in arguably the best studio in my area with the best artists. I know that its a case of 'no pain no gain' if you want to become a good artist, but I want to be able to push past the grief I know I'll be given whichever studio I end up at.

We left on good terms, my mentor said he would give me a good reference if I wanted to apprentice elsewhere, and he said that he believes I can do it but I need to sort myself out first. He was very understanding as he also suffers fro mental illness, but when I asked him for advice he said that wanting to become a tattooer was what kept him going. I really want to keep going, but I find it so hard.

(pic: one of my flash drawings)

[blackcat64013]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

Working with a mental illness is very difficult. Fawn Fitter wrote a book called "Working in The Dark" which talks about difficulties and how to work through them. I am not certain it's available as an e-book so you will have to go the library to borrow it.

I know nothing about tattoo studios so cannot talk about the actual work there.

You mention that you have tried many things to manage. I wonder if you have complicated matters by trying too many options at once or in a short space of time?

Will the mental health access team have a psychiatrist as a team member? Often when a condition is complicated a psych referral is required. While you are waiting it is a good time to write down a history of what you have done, treatment/self help that helped and what didn't, the length of time you tried an activity or medication and the names of people who have/are caring for you. If you know the name of the person you will be seeing in your first appointment, it is helpful to send your notes along before hand. It saves time for talking rather than history gathering which may or may not be reliable in the spur of the moment.

Keep on keeping on because you are worth it

[loggerslot]

Hi There,

There's no good or bad advice on trying to overcome mental illness issues. It's what works for you and keeping it going because only you will benefit from doing that.

I can give you my penny's worth and you and decide what works for you. The biggest cause of depression is chronic stress. it could be caused by a lot of things, past events, being nervous all the time or there's just a lot of things going on in the mind. tackling these issues is no easy feat but if we can write them down and ask yourself where is the root cause of this then this helps, say counsellors, and they can dig deeper into it. you can try diverting your time and attention away from work and those thoughts into other things like hobbies you always fancied doing and pursue them. hobbies are a great way to help teach us to deal with disappointments, help build that determination, build that focus and drive on the job in hand and from this we develop new skills which in turn help us with work. who knows you may have found a life long hobby.