Honestly i dont know what to do anymore. Im 19 and ever since iv been in school iv always been bullied and looked down upon because of the way i look.I have never had friends and cant make any because i have asperger's syndrome and im dyslexic which makes everything hard.I cant even go out because people stare and recognise im different and and give me dirty looks alout of the time because i stand out wherever i go because im objectivity ugly.
Its not fair i was born with so many disadvantages compared to most people. Im never going to have a normal life.If i died tomorrow nobody would care.
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TomosWatts
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Hi mate, another 19 year old here! I disagree with the fact that if you died tomorrow people wouldn't care.. what about your family? Do you think they would not care?
Lets be honest, some people are ****s and you don't need them in your life!
A work friend of mine also has Aspergers and hands down he is one of the most caring person I have ever met. Having Aspergers and Dyslexia is not a disadvantage and don't let any other person tell you otherwise!
If you don't mind me asking, are you working now or still in school?
Also have you seen a GP or spoken to anyone about how you're currently feeling?
Do not be discouraged. God has a plan for you. Something bigger, something great! He would never give you challenges more than you could bear. He is watching you. Acknowledge his presence. Pray and persevere. Keep pushing forward. Don't feel alone. Somewhere around the world, someone is suffering the same thing. Be inspired! Be brave! Be an example to others who gave up and/or giving up! Be a leader, be a hero, not only to others but even to yourself! Each one of us in this world has a purpose, and believe me my friend when I say this, you aren't born to be bullied and let down. Be happy and do whatever it takes. For once forget about everything else. Focus on yourself. Focus on your goals. Find your purpose!!
It is extremely hard almost impossible to be happy when bullied. I know about it! And when you are constantly told you are ugly by complete rude strangers and so called friends and acquaintances and can see in a mirror for yourself why they call you ugly and horrible horrible names, why they stare, snigger, yell things out loud, point and try to humiliate at every opportunity it is extremely hard to be happy when abused every time you leave the house, leave the country. A ugly freak to bully and verbally abuse whereever you go when doing nothing wrong or weird, just trying to live life but abused and assaulted verbally and physically and threatened for it, it's soul destroying. Call the police because of abuse, waste of time as they are just the same as the bullies and verbal abusers sitting there passing looks between themselves in a mocking manner, rolling their eyes, smirking. Teachers do the same also. Some people pretend to not think of us hideously ugly faced ones as ugly, but their repulsion and malevolence shows on their faces regardless. It's difficult to hide, and those types pretend to care, but don't offer friendship, because although they may not be beautiful looking or even average themselves, they still consider themselves less hideous than us ugly faced ones, and nobody wants to be seen with anybody with a hidiously ugly face as it puts them at risk of being tormented, bullied and verbally abused too! I don't have any conditions otherthan depression and anxiety caused by 40 years of bullying and verbal abuse and assults because my appearance to others is deemed to hidious to be walking the streets, and my appearance to them is deserving of verbal abuse, bullying, attacks and assults. I want to live my life, want to go swimming without abuse and pointing, laughing, sniggers, stuffed laughter, whispering, stares, comments but can't it is to humiliating and soul destroying, the same goes for a gym, cinema, bus/train journey, pub, club, hair dressers, dentists, doctors, supermarkets, library, uni, college, school, anything and everything, and everywhere! It never ceases apart from inside my own home, but then their abuse continues inside my head over and over. I am certain you have no idea of what it is truly like to be abused by more than most people everywhere you go, and to avoid doing things you really want to do because you know through enough life experiences what happens each time you leave the house and attempt things! Abuse! Never ending. And feeling so hideous and repulsive because of others behaviour constantly to protect ourselves we stay in, or venture out only in the dark and briefly. Hating what you see of yourself in the mirror or any reflective surface or substance because you see in appearance and now demeanor what the abuser's see and you are repulsed by yourself. I understand why people have always abused my appearance and recoil with revulsion away from me and treat me like a lepper, because I would probably behave/react the same if I ever came across anybody as hideously repulsive looking as me. I see how my features cause nasty degrading comments and abuse. Society is intolerant of ugly human features, disfigurements, disabilities, syndromes and disease, recoiling insultive and abusively away sniggering, mocking, pointing, whispering, commenting and abusing instead of shutting their .ouths and keeping their repulsive thoughts/words to themselves, and their limbs off us! I have travelled, lived and worked abroad and in this country but always been abused and attacked over my repulsive appearance wherever I go. So now I've had enough, can't take any more of it. I'm broken inside my whole being now, and want to escape it, but nowhere to go to escape the nastyness of humans who are ill and inbred and believe themselves superior. I don't back down when under attack, but always left the laughing stock and humiliated for daring to speak up and out in my own defence. I never thought myself hideous before the age of almost 5, then the abuse began and has never stopped for almost 40 years! Nothing stops the abuse, to late for me now, but it is a case of doing what you want to anyway, and coming to terms with the fact you will always be abused, never have true solid friends who defend you against attackers and verbal abusers as you would them, and you will probably always feel lonely, alone and an outcast, never fully accepted like the more " what humanity and society " class as more normal/acceptable looking in features. I am not ugly or hideous outside or in, but to society I am repulsive on the outside and society doesn't bother to look within!
I also have Asperger's but I'm (quite) a bit older than you. When I was your age I was exactly where you are now, I was bullied and felt that everyone was staring at me all the time - it got to the point where I couldn't leave the house and I dropped out of school entirely. This was not a good thing to do.
The problem you have is very low self-esteem, so you feel inferior to other people and you think you stand out. You also think people can tell that you are 'different' just by looking at you, I know because I used to feel like this. These are all negative thoughts with no basis in reality.
Try to think differently about yourself. People with Asperger's tend to have a higher intelligence than average, and often have other talents, insights and abilities that neuro-typical people do not possess. Yes, Asperger's can disadvantage you socially but that's not the whole story - there are plenty of people who had the condition and did OK (Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Albert Einstein to name a few...) So stop being so hard on yourself, and just ignore anyone who doesn't understand you. If you are not already having any counselling or support with Asperger's, you need to get some, you can't be expected to deal with all this by yourself.
As for the people who picked on you, remember that bullying isn't just childish behaviour, it's like any form of bigotry - anyone who does it is just scum. They really are inferior people.
Great quote about people with Aspergers having a higher intelligence than most. I could not agree more. As I mentioned in my post I have a work mate with Aspergers and when we went through advanced training things that was taking myself and the rest of the class a week to learn he'd come back in about 2 days with everything completed!
TomosWatts I really hope you read RoboMark 's comments!
Please don't be so hard on yourself, I'm now 57 yrs young and I convinced myself of the same thing at about the same age as you are now....
The best thing I ever heard I think is something my father said to me years n years ago....
"At anytime in your life you will only be able to count your real true friends on ONE hand" and to be honest with you that has been soooooo true!!! In fact I would say that it has never been any higher than THREE😲😄, even now I can say that I have a lot of acquaintances BUT only three that I know I could call on at any time for anything....
I have had some real trash scary times but being able to write exactly how I feel and know that NO ONE here will ever judge me has made me feel better than I have for ages... Please don't be worried about being disliked or hated by anyone here as I'm certain that all we would like to do is support you through anything you may face. I'm certain that whatever you face or go through someone here will be able to help you..
Hello, I hope you are feeling a bit stronger today. My sister has Asperger's and was only formally diagnosed when she was 18. Before that we just thought she was really shy and a bit socially awkward. I am two years younger than her and my brother is two years younger than me. She is 34 now. Throughout school she was bullied terribly and I am sad to say I wasn't much help to her. She would come and hang out with me and my friends but still found it hard in class as girls can be really spiteful and bitchy. It wasn't until she left school that she was formally diagnosed. Since then she has been to a few different places to try and help, one of which was a college in Gloucestershire called Ruskin Mill. This helped her a lot with her self esteem. She now lives in our local town. She has a couple of good mates who she pals around with and we get together as a family once or twice a week. What I am trying to say is that when I was younger I was focused on myself and what I wanted from life. Her having different interests from me meant I had very little time for her. I was too busy playing the popularity game. It is only as I have got older and matured that you start to see people for who they really are and not just how popular or cool they are. We have a good relationship now and although its hard for us to understand each other sometimes I know that she is really valuable in my life and I love her so much. Basically what I am trying to say in a very round about way is I know its tough now but you are only 19 and those around you are still very self centered and immature. Give them and yourself time to grow into the people they truly are. To realize that life is not a popularity contest. It is going to be tough but I promise people are generally full of love, compassion and friendship. You will not be as different or ugly as you feel, it is your mind playing tricks on you due to low self esteem. I suffer from depression and when I am having my dark periods I also feel like I am standing out and seriously ugly. That everyone is looking at me and talking about me. It isn't true. You are a beautiful person. Please stay strong and when you are feeling alone remember we are all here for you and things will get better.
I don't know how helpful this will be, but I'll share it with you because it's such a positive successful story. About 15 years ago I had a kindergarten student named Sam. I was his art teacher and at that time aspergers hadn't been diagnosed yet. He and his family were having a very hard time getting help for him through the school. Most of his teachers thought it was a behavior problem, also he was so smart he would finish ahead of the class and get in trouble trying to amuse himself. When he was in art he colored everything brown. The paper and what ever was on it. I encouraged him to try different colors,but never insisted. By the end of the year he was using all colors. while all this was going on it occurred to me that Sam's world was brown and his Mother cried when I told her and she asked me to write a letter to his shrink.He was taken out of school and home schooled. He finished high school 3 yrs. early. He joined clubs with others who have aspergers , he goes to concerts, and plays . raises prized chickens. He is living a wonderful life. The reason I'm telling you this is conventional thinking doesn't always work. Sometimes you have to find your own way.I have one more message for you. Have you ever had this experience, I have several times and this is it. I will meet someone and think they are unusual looking, maybe unpleasant to look at, but then something happens as I get to know them and I start to see beauty in their face. I can't believe I ever thought they weren't wonderful. It has to do with skin tone and bone structure. Really there is so much there. I could never think someone I like is ugly. You don't feel ugly to me. Not every one will take the time to get to know you, others will. Stay away from people who are unpleasant to you, Pam
Hiya . I don't know much about Asperger but I'm sorry you were bullied. I was at school and it is horrid ! You don't deserve it . I'm sure you aren't ugly . These people are scum and it isn't a refection on you .
My cousin has aspegers syndrome and he is very intelligent, and kind. I can't talk for him but I suffer from depression and I know what you mean with thinking people think your different I always think that people are looking at me and thinking I'm weird but in reality it's all in my mind. No person is ugly I bet you have lots of lovely qualities, beauty is from within in my eyes . It's insecurity that makes us feel ugly . I alway think I'm a horrible person even though people say how nice I am. It's like I have a little man sat on my shoulder saying all these negative thing's like people hate me people think I'm horrible and so on. I hope you find peace just remember your not alone with your thoughts.
I know how you feel I am ugly no boyfriend and seen as the family disappointment it is hard I struggle with it but stil try to get up and keep going I wish I was 'nt here but think of my child and how it would effect him. Life is hard but you just keep going
I started of the same, no friends but then I found out I was good at Science and made friends. Find something you are good at and become an expert. Concentrate on your future!
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