I'm new to here, for the last 2 years I have suffered with depression, last year was went it seemed to have gotten worst so I went to the doctors, the doctors just prescribed me tablets and sent me on my way. I was not offered any additional support. Throughout my life I have dealt with challenging situations, I've always been very close with my dad up until the age of 10 when he had children with his new partner and I was no longer a main priority of his, he used to see me every other week around his work however, he had let me down many times. 2 years ago the relationship with my dad had completely broke down and last year we had no contact at all until recently when he got in contact with me, I have also had toxic relationships with past ex's one of which was controlling and would not let me leave the house without him and he was very abusive verbally and threatening towards me, I managed to get out of the relationship but was constantly harassed for over a year after. Also family life has been very strained as I feel like the black sheep of the family, I am too much like my dad and personalities clash, my sister has always received better treatment from my family than me. Last year when my depression got worst, I thought a change would make me happy, so I left a job that I loved where I had made lots of friends in the hope that it would make me happy. I went to work at my sisters new business, which was a big mistake, I was under paid and my sister made up malicious lies about me to my family, eventually I was left with no job. I have still no spoken to my sister as she refuses to apologise for how she treated me. I'm in a job now but not happy with it. I find it hard to wake up in the morning go to sleep at night, I don't enjoy doing anything, I don't look forward to any social gatherings, if anything the thought of leaving the house makes me anxious, I find it hard going to work in the mornings for fear that something bad will happen, I'm sad all day everyday, if I'm not sad than I just feel nothing, I can't concentrate on anything which again impacts work life, I find it hard to maintain friendships as most of the days I have no motivation to talk to anybody, when I'm home I stay in my bedroom all day, I try to avoid any conversations with anybody around me for fear of hearing something that will just completely tip me over the edge. I have nobody I can talk to about it, I feel that everyone around me just purposely go out of their way to see how far they can push me. I feel that everyone lies to me. Everyday is a battle, I just wait until night time so I can get back in bed and sleep. It's just very very draining being like this. I do want to go back to the doctors but I find it very hard talking about depression, as it makes me feel guilty and less of a person, I feel judged. Also last time the doctor just prescribed me tablets, wasn't really interested about me, I was literally in and out. Which makes me feel less important as a person.
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