Very low this morning

I try to focus on the good in life to remain postive, but this morning I feel so low. Every day I battle pain and others pre judgements or maybe that's just me being paraniod. I've had mobility problems since 2010, been using a wheelchair outdoors since then and up until about 2 1/2 years ago had been managing a bit in the house with a rollator. I'm tired, It's constant battle. I feel I should be feeling better than this I've just moved house, it's better for my abilities, in a nice area. I will however dry my tears and put my makeup on before my partner gets ups and maybe we will go out for a while and maybe I'll smile but no one will know how broken I feel inside or maybe I will feel better and embarased about this post. x

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  • Throwing you a link and a hug. Here catch.

    In case you haven't discovered them. There are loads of podcasts. They helped me get my head around crhonic pain. I still use them. They help me to feel validated. Nothing worse than feeling judged.

    Pain occupies mind body and soul. Re other people and judgments. I have come to the conclusion that others rarely think about us. And then only for a fleeting moment. They are busy with thier own lives, the thing with pain is that we have endless hours to fill because it limits what we can do. And to make matters worse, pain is pushing its way in to fill those hours. No wonder your low. Tis the little things that get us through. I have a list of things that I like. And when I feel extra knackered and low I can look and choose something. Thinking is sometimes beyond the pain, so I have a ready made plan.

    Enjoy your day. Write latter and tell us what you did. I will if you will.

    How was your day one and all.

    Sail forth.

  • Thank you Ned for your reply and link. You are right that it is the little things that keep us going, no longer can I do my gardening but still get so much satisfaction from puting a few blubs or plants in to a pot and seeing the result. I'm lucky that I have my partner who helps me with all the manual stuff, ie hauls the compost onto a table and carries them to the the aloted place in the garden. I suffer from fatigue and tiredeness something dreadfull we went out for about an hour looking at fridge freezers and came home with a bird feeding station (I'm a twitcher) love watching the birds and doing a bit of photography. I lay down for a sleep about 2.30pm and have only just woaken about 7pm though I did waken about 7am this morning so that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it! :) Hope you had a good day.

  • Hi Tobie how lovely to come home with a feeding station. May you have many happy hours twitching.

    As it happens I did have a good day. Like you the list of things I can no longer do due to pain and fatigue is depressingly long. Not being able to lift up my SLR camera due to sodding shoulder is but one. Photography is good therapy. It's sort of a meditation as you frame a shot.

    A snap shot of the day.

    I stood at the window counting a party of hikers walk past. There were 18. I decided to head out for a slow short saunter.(I know where the benches are). And came home clutching an invitation to visit Tony's garage to check out his model railway. Now I never expected that or seeing a pheasant in Ronnies garden. Luckily I have a good book on the go. So this afternoon I opened the front door dragged to chair over to enjoyed a breeze and listening to the birds sing their heads off as I read. I am old and ugly enough to shrug off any embarrassment at people clocking me as they walk by. Not many do. I get the odd walker. It was the first time this year I had opened the door to look out. It's been so warm.

    Hey ho another day to get through tomorrow.

    May there be small parcels of happiness waiting for us to find. Now that idea came from someone on this forum. Satsuma I think. I like to think they are there just waiting for us.

  • Hi Ned I saw your post last night but was too tired to reply. However just want to say how much I loved reading your "snap shot of the day" felt as if I was there feeling the sun and the breeze on my face. Looking forward to milder weather and sitting out in my new garden.

    Last Saturday was quite mild here and I ventured out to the shops on my mobility scooter first time since I moved that I went out under my own steam and I enjoyed that day and the ease which I could get in and out of my new home.( No battling narrow doors and heavy fire doors)

    I'm hoping to plant up another tub of primroses, panseys and crocus and that will hope bring me some of the good feel factor. Love that expression " small parcel of happiness"

    Regards Jane

  • Hello tobie. You're an inspiration, you have all that pain to deal with no wonder you're low yet still trying to see the best things in life. I have no pain but I do have depression and anxiety, and this for no reason that I can pinpoint.

    I hope you manage to get out today and feel better.

    Best regards.

  • Hi Kimmie , I was first hospitalised with depression at 18 yrs old and have had therapy over the years, I tend to isolate myself and then wonder why i feel so lonely sometimes, though with pain I have no option some days. I have just started to go to a day center once a week which I enjoy.

    Regards Jane

  • Hello Tobie,no need to feel embarassed about your post, you're showing fight, carrying on with life, and getting up and about in difficult circumstances, So many would be incapable of this.

    I think that you are being a bit paranoid about others prejudgements, there are n't many who would n't be admiring your coping so well with disability and they would be judging you very positively. Most people when down or depressed feel worse in the morning and I do hope the rest of the day improves for you and that living in your nicer new home leads to a brighter feeling.


  • Hi Olderal it is lovely to see some blue sky here today, I'm probally tired with the house move even though it's for the better I get very tired with having to think so much. This has been my worse winter yet pain ways I can not bear the cold but am looking forward to the summer and yes maybe living in my new home may lead to brighter feelings.

  • Hi tobie

    Welcome to our friendly, supportive & non judgemental family for depression!

    Please feel free to post as and when you need to! We will try to support you as much as we are able, it's great that you have joined us!

    Warm Wishes. Take Care spykeyūü§ó

  • Thank you spykey.

  • Hi Tobie! This is my first visit to this site. I saw your post and thought wow, this sounds like me! I feel for ya and hope we can encourage each other if I may. I try to take steps at home when I can and use a wheelchair for mobility outside my home. It gets harder everyday as my pain increases. I have a C5-6 compression on my spinal cord. I am not paralyzed but I have extreme pain and neuropathy 24/7. People don't get it and think I am a faker. My fingers move but I can not feel anything except buzzing all the time. Makes grasping things tough. Nobody gets it!

  • Hi MissRed I have arthric pain in my joints but also neuropathy pain and that is hard to cope with, mind you I have decreased the Gabapentine quite a bit but do not think I dare go lower and have fought with myself as to why I 'm putting myself through this. But I just hate taking tabs.

    My mobility has got over the years and yes some people do not seem to get it, but those closest to me know what my battle has been like and I supose I should focus on that not the negativity that may come from a few. I used to walk the mountains with my partner and no amount of money would compenstate living this life. It is hard battling pain and perhaps we should not be so hard on ourselves for feeling down, it is better to let how we feel out instead of bottling it in and yet knowing the theory and putting it into practice can be difficult. As Ned above says may today bring you some small parcels of happiness. Lovely to meet you.

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