First bfs now unsure

my bf has told me hes unsure about his feelings he says he feels nothing at all and so i asked if he wanted to date other people and he said he does not this was all very sudden like happened in the span of a week i just dont get what can make a guy suddenly emotionless hes currently unemployed not very social has anyone got any suggestions as to what he could be feeling or whats triggering it

5 Replies

  • Hi Leo, I remember you. Hope you've been doing well in yourself. You're probably not going to like what I think, but face it now or face it later. He's starting out easy working up to the real break up or hoping you'll get mad and do it for him. I would believe him and walk. Sorry, easy to say, hard to do. Don't let this put you in a spin. Pam

  • You must be strong girl , our lives are like a carpet rolling out before us . Whatever he does you have your own right to your destiny . If he wants to exit your relationship mr,right may just be round the corner for you waiting for someone to take him through life . Mr.Right is always there .

  • Hi, Leo142 - I have to echo everything that sweetiepye and Reposting1 said. Don't lose heart, hold your head up high. I don't mean to be harsh about your boyfriend, but his pitiful speech means that he is not good enough for you. He does not deserve you. I wish you all the best. Enjoy moving on to the next chapter of your life. After I kicked out my 3rd husband, I thought I would never meet anyone and I absolutely did not WANT anyone. Lo and behold :-) I'm 52 and disabled. If I can find love, you're going to have admirers by the dozen :-) All the best, Wendy x

  • Hi Leo

    Sounds like both you & your BF are both going through difficult time, with different emotional reactions! Your BF seems to be in emotional shut down & doesn't really know how to feel anything, & is out of touch with his feelings & internal emotions!

    He's unemployed, not bringing in a man's wage, not having a job, feeling insecure & may we'll be depressed & scared of what the future will hold for him & has gone into an emotional withdrawal, which for him at this current time is his safety zone!

    As you I'm sure know that depression can kick in really quickly, as in you go to bed feeling ok, and wake up feeling depressed!

    I feel for you too, as you don't know where you stand with your BF, you are obviously feel down about what is or is not going on with your BF! Are you working? If you are maybe not connecting to how your BF is spending his day! And how sensitive & hopeless he feels! And there's bound to be some sort of distress that your BF is going through, & some jealousy that you are bringing in a wage, you have a job, have a purpose & have a reason to get up everyday! He may be thinking to himself what reason do I have to get out of bed, everyday is the same! Emptiness, darkness, feeling useless & doesn't have the energy to get up and go!

    You & Your BF are emotionally detached from each other! You say you've asked him if he wanted date up other people & he said he doesn't! It doesn't sound like he knows what to do for himself, let alone tell someone else like yourself who is close to him what he wants or is feeling! When he really doesn't know!

    If you feel that this is totally out of character for him, it may be an idea to suggest he goes to his GP, you could offer to go with him?!? He may need to talk to someone outside of your relationship such as your GP, a Counsellor? He may need medication?!?

    None of us know what he really needs or is thinking, or what he wants to happen next, due to him shutting himself into shut down mode!

    But don't give up if you've had depression you will know how difficult it is to feel normal or even know what normal is! Maybe take some time out from each other! Spending some days apart!

    Or even try doing something that only the two of you enjoy! I know you say he's not feeling social & that's understandable if he is feeling in secure or depressed! Maybe cook his favourite dinner, or just spending time watching his favourite TV programme or DVD! Don't ask what's wrong, maybe just 'BE'! Try not give up on yourself or him just yet! A small amount of Patience can speak a thousand words!

    Hopefully you & your BF might move forward if you are sensitive to each other's feelings, without analysing or questioning!

    Good Luck Leo I Really hope things work out for you both! But it may be a slow process!

    Take Care, Warm Wishes & Blessings! spykey 🤗

  • Hi Leo if I remember properly you are very young , 16 maybe and unfortunately at this age people like to experiment , And unfortunately it's too young for committed relationships, now I know it can still be hurtful to you, but there are plenty more fish in the sea, so be strong and just enjoy yourself and don't let this bring you down, see it as an opportunity to get to know yourself well and have fun in the world.


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