What to do??

[Happyheart]

This is the thing I have depression whole reason I'm on the site. My ex is being such an arse and now only wants contact through his girlfriend and get his girlfriend to pick up the children but he hasn't been seeing her long and I'm not comfortable her picking them up when he should ami wrong?it also feels everyone has turned against me,my mother in law (ex) was very supportive but now he has a new girlfriend that's it now. I do feel very hurt and upset about the whole situation. I also don't want him putting ideas into my children heads as he is the sort of person to bad mouth me I really don't know what else to do.

[Hidden]

If you are in a bad situation you need to take further advice because if your Ex is bad mouthing you in front of your child that can effect His life now and later as He grows, then becomes very cynical of females in general

It happened to me until I was married and it was very nasty and life changing. It effected my Relationships throughout my life, until married and addressed by Hazel and me

With regard to the girlfriend picking up the child that needs to be approached as you do not know in what context His new relationship is with this stranger in your midst. Take advice if you feel unsettled from Social Services etc.

BOB

[Happyheart in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your help x

[LoriMS61]

Hi Happy Heart,

I've read through all of your past posts so that I would have a better understanding of what you've been going through. It sounds to me like you've had a pretty hard time the past couple of months.

I'm glad that you've got good memories from your relationship with your ex-husband, but it sounds like you've had a difficult time with him for quite a while. I pity him, his being unfaithful is more a reflection on him that it is on you. He quite clearly doesn't know how to be happy. This is especially true if he has abused you in the past. If you feel able to, I think it would be a good idea to share with your loved ones. You need their support. It's understandable that your Mother in Law would support her son. It is very sad that you've lost that relationship.

I feel like your sense of self and your power has been managed by this man. You need to think about who you are. You are not defined by him. You are defined by who you are as a person, a mother, a daughter etc. You need to be kind to yourself, do things to treat yourself. If he fed on the excitement of an affair I bet he's feeding on the drama that he's causing now. You seem to be thinking really logically and sensibly about your children's welfare. Do not question yourself. You are their mother and you know what is best for them.

citizensadvice.org.uk/relat...

I've included the link because I think it would benefit you. Have you got a formal arrangement in place? He has already demonstrated that he is unreliable by how he has treated you. Children should never be a tool used to manipulate and this is clearly what he is doing. Is isn't putting his children's needs above his own.

Onto the depression aspect. After what you've been through it would be understandable if you're suffering from depression. I noticed that your first comment was five months ago, were you prescribed medication (I can't remember) and if so is it helping?

I think it would be a good idea for you to get counselling. You need help to be given the tools to move forward and plan how you want the rest of your life to look.

Lori

[Happyheart in reply to LoriMS61]

Thank you so much for you comment really much appreciated x