Hai, my name is Emma (even though my username is Sasha) and I'm pretty confused on who I basically am right now. I think I'm depressed when I'm alone and away from my friends but when I'm with someone else I am really happy and enthusiastic. My mood can change quite drastically when I'm doing homework and I can go from confident to confused, crying and basically saying to myself over and over that I'm a failure. My parents do think I have some form of autism as I am unable to think properly, get confused easily (as you can tell) and get distracted a lot. Also I get scared very easily by loud noises and hate tight spaces and crowded places.
In primary school, I was bullied a lot for being an educated child as I went to a very bad and rough school. As soon as I entered high school, my grades dropped and I lost confidence in myself, but I made many friends.
Right now I'm in year 10 and preparing to do GCSE s and I am extremely stressed. I hardly ever listen in class and I am always tired. Sometimes I think that I am useless and think suicidal thoughts which now I think about, are really petty and stupid.
I really need help right now and I'm struggling a lot to keep myself together. I'm really sorry if you had to read through all that shit I just said but if your still reading, please just give me some advice! I'm too scared to tell my parents, doctors or friends about what I'm going through and this is my only hope. Plz.... Xoxo
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SashaAOT
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First of all I would like to say that you are a very brave girl by writing your feelings so openly here.
Sasha, it is not everybody that can manage to be alone and not feel a bit down. There are people who need the company of others as it brings them some kind of inner comfort. What it is not okay is if you totally rely on them to feel happy, because they wont be able to be with you all the time and vice verse, do you understand?
Who doesnt feel a bit or even a lot confused when homework seems a bit hard or when there are a lot of them to do??? Are you struggling with your homework? Are you feeling it hard to do it ?
I dont think you are a confused person at all! What I think is that you are struggling to express your feelings in a way that you can have positive results.
Do you share at all your feelings with your parents or anyone ?
Maybe you need to talk to the doctor and explain how you are feeling, and who knows you will find out that he might have really good hints of why you are feeling the way you are. Have you been to the doctor yet?
GCSE can be very stressful indeed and more than never you may benefit from a visit to the doctor's. The way you need to try to think , Sasha, is that if you are doing your part in relation to your exams, you need to try to believe that you will be okay. I know it is not as easy as it looks , but you have to start from somewhere. You can only do what you can. As long as you know what you want out of your education, you should know how much effort you should put towards revising , etc. Do you agree? Don't think you are a failure. A failure wouldnt be worrying about making things better or to better herself, would she? You need support, and that is very clear to me.
I dont know your relationship with your parents, but if you feel comfortable to talk to them, please do it. Tell them exactly how you are feeling; and thinking about why you are feeling the way you are, might help them to help you .
Dont be scared to tell how you feel to people that you trust and trust you. It is okay no to feel okay all the time.
About the suicidal thoughts, they are at the moment, just thoughts, but they should not be ignored because they are just thoughts. I dont think you are happy with the idea of taking your life, so once again,reach out to someone who can help you there , where you are. You may find people who can support you here, but you need ,even more, the support of people who you love and love you. It doesnt mean we dont care about you, it just means that we are out of your reach in a more meaningful way, do you understand what i am saying?
Well, I will be thinking about you, and hoping you feel better soon.
If you still want to talk , let me know.However , i cant stress it enough, talk to your parents or go to the doctor, okay?
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What am I doing here?
Parents finding it hard to understand depression
HELP! Am I missing something? 
Please help me 
I am really really scared
