Hi everyone,

My mood has been very up lately, particularly since I started meditation. It wasn't even a bad day, I spent most of it in the Uni library doing an assignment- not particularly fun but nothing bad happened, and my mood was fairly average. I was in the library with a friend who was also working on an assignment. When we finally left the library we both walked to the subway together. She's one of my closest friends, and I share most things with her. Nothing about depression etc, I don't share that with anyone. Anyway, she asked me what had been going on lately, so I explained to her some of the troubles I'd been having at work and then all of a sudden everything that had been upsetting me just sort of came out. She was very supportive and understanding as she always is- but when I walked away I felt an enormous wave of guilt hit me. I hate talking to other people about my problems, no matter how great they are at listening. I don't want my worries to become their worries. But I just blurted out nearly everything that's been upsetting me, without even filtering it like I usually do. I felt so guilty that I nearly burst in to tears on the walk back. It was as if someone had put all my emotions in to a blender and hit start without putting the lid on.

I'm feeling very down now and just wish I was asleep. I'm looking forward to seeing my GP and being able to talk to her about all these occurences next week, I wish time would pass faster. That's not to say I can't speak to any of you on here, but I can't speak to any of you in person, so it's not always the same. I don't really know what I intended with this post, just feeling very upset and out of control of my own mind.

Hope all of you are well, please don't let my mood dappen all of yours x


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3 Replies

  • Hi this could be a blessing in disguise you know as it can be very cathartic to share this with a good friend. I am sure your friend is too savvy to let your illness drag her down so give her some credit please.

    I was the same as you but now do share some bits with friends - not a lot coz don't want them worrying about me too much, but some support is great. Make sure when you see your friend next that you thank her and be prepared to listen if she has any woes. It might give her more confidence to share more things with you and she could become even closer friends. x

  • I think it's good that you let your friend knwo how you were feeling. If you are close, keeping all tthise feelings from her is not a good idea. Reverse the roles. Wouldn't you like to know how she was feeling ?

  • You have nothing to feel bad about, When I feel cheerful, with head in the clouds I sometimes do the same thing and feel bad about my telling. Then we I get home sometimes feel I have let the cat out of the bag and then worry regarding what I have said. If I do that with Hazel present I always ask her is I have done something wrong or she should have stopped me, she always say I have done no wrong even though I will keep beating myself with doubts.

    Depression is a real problem regards above, we keep feeling the slur of mental illness, so we try and make excuses because we feel we need to apologise and make excuses for our illness and that is what we are suffering from.

    We do not need to apologise because of our illness