Family troubles

[Shaunbee]

So I have just joined here and have been on a downward spiral for years now but only taken it's toll recently. I am 20 years old and live at home with my mother. She is what I believe to be the root of my problems having been raised in a home where you are made to feel worthless, I have slowly grown to almost accept it.

I have a lot of positives in my life however I just can't help but feel worthless.

[wallflower_fairy]

Hi Shaunbee,

That's awful that growing up with your mum has made you feel this way, and take it from me you are certainly not worthless. Although I can understand why you would feel that way. I think everyone seeks approval from their parents so if they don't get it, then it affects them. More so than if anyone else (or most other people) treated us that way.

Try to remember that it is your Mum who has the problem. Parents should their love children unconditionally and make sure their children know this and feel loved. I know it's easier said than done.

I'd also suggest seeking help. Everyone has a bit of sense of self worth, something they like about themselves. Counsellors can give us the tools to build on this increase our confidence. Also remember they will be someone in your life who cares about you (your Mum probably does but can't express it?), and one of the things you could try is to see yourself through their eyes. Is their anyone else other than your Mum you could live with? Maybe an aunt, grandparent, or even a partner?

Hope you feel better soon.

wanderingwallflower xx

[WantToChange]

Yeah, people can make us feel like that. Have you tried speaking to her? She may not even realise how she is making you feel...

When I lived at home I felf bad almost every day. My parents are upset to know I felt this way but I just felt trapped. Since I moved out I have had a better relationship with my parents and I don't have that worthless feeling anymore.

Perhaps you can think like this - you are 20, not 15, therefore it may not be long before you can move out :). You are getting closer to that time every day.

Best if luck xx

[Stilltrying_]

Shaunbee please do look through other posts on this site ( type the subject into the "Search" section of health unlocked.)

I feel it is a good thing that you can recognise the cause of your problems. I can really relate to what you wrote; though I am now in my 50's this was the root of my issues.

Well done for posting and do read other posts on here that may help you , do as much reading as you can; you are young enough to work on yourself and build yourself up to get out of that difficult background. It must be very difficult still living with your mum but you have freedom within your own mind and no-one can take that away from you,.

Keep that knowledge deep within and make your escape in whatever way you can (even if it is just mentally; you are preserving yourself) Keep an idea in your mind that you know who you are you know you can be ok in time; keep this image inside and over the years work on it to free yourself. You are not alone; I have been through the exact same. Keep faith in yourself.

Kindest regards

Gemmalouise X

[Pearle]

Hi Shaunbee

I'm sorry you're having a terrible time. I can understand your situation because I too was raised in a home where I was made to feel worthless. I suffered from physical abuse at the hands of my father and my mother just stood by and let it happen until I moved out aged 18. People are always shocked to hear this but in my eyes, my mum is worse than my dad. I still have a relationship with them both now, I feel tied to them out of duty. I still love them both but I strongly dislike my mum. It's difficult to grow up like this. My parents treated me badly and were never there for me. I really believe that I wouldn't be suffering with anxiety/depression/emetophobia now if it wasn't for my upbringing.

All I can tell you is that you are not worthless. Some of us are unlucky and born into families that aren't good enough but I'm sure you have many people who love and care for you. I hope there is someone who can make you feel worthy, even if you don't feel it yourself. Good luck