today was an awful day for me... i completely lost it and had the worst panic attack i have ever had and in the presence of my mum, we were bickering anyway... im sure most of you will agree you feel snappy for no apparent reason. sometimes i hate myself for being so unreasonable but before i can think ive blabbed the horrible side of me all over a harmless conversation.
i lost control of myself and all i wanted to feel was 'normal' ..
i dont dislike me in any way shape or form and i will be the first to stand up and say there is no such person who is 'normal' ...
im petrified .. its been 7 years since my last panic attack. im scared it will happen again, and the worst thing is it was so much worse than any i have ever had.
i fear im on the verge of a breakdown as i feel so unstable...
i dont want to lose me...
Written by
Carrera_Girl
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That must have been a very frightening experience, especially as it's been so long since it last happened. Are you able to identify what was happening just before the attack? That might be useful in recognising a possible trigger? X
I'm sorry you've had such an awful day. Even when we understand whats happening a panic attack is a horrible thing. It's so frightening and it takes you so long to calm down again.
I totally empathise with what you've written too - " and I've blabbed the horrible side of me all over a harmless conversation". That happens to me too. You think you're being reasonable. You think you're being calm and suddenly your mind and mouth conspire against you and all this stuff you never even thought of saying comes blurting out
It's totally an anxiety thing. Our minds are running so fast and tossing so much junk around in our effort to make sense of what's in our heads and then trying to express what we need that it all gets muddled up and this stuff just pours out.
I know it's hard but please try to put this experience behind you. These things happen. You've nothing to feel guilty about.
Try not to worry about the panic attack either - I know that's harder than it sounds!!! You've beaten them before and this was just a set back because you were under lots of pressure. It doesn't mean you're relapsing.
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Why do I feel like this?
I feel guilty for being alive
I think I am depressed? 
Depersonalisation? Should I tell my therapist?
I feel very Depressed
