I find that for a while everything in my life seems to be fine. Ok I have problems but they are under control. Then, for apparently, no reason everything just seems to fall apart. My life is just chugging along as usual then wham a friend shouts at me, a family member has a go, something else happens and I end up in a bit of a slough feeling depressed and picked upon. This is a repeating pattern in my life and I don't know why. I panic when things are going well as I know they soon won't be. I just thought it was one of those things that happen to people a cyclicic thing but it seems to happen to me again and again. As far as I am aware I don't start the arguments and I don't feel any different to when things going well. But if it keeps happening it must be me. But I don't know how to approach it. Anyone got any ideas please or does this happen to others? I'm often not in touch with my feelings so don't understand all this.
Bev x
16 Replies
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Ps I do suffer from moderate depression and am on ad's.
I know it's strange Bev , everything seems to happen at once, or is it that we notice them more when one thing goes wrong or isn't nice, but I agree with you, it seems to work like that. We can do without it can't we.
I guess trying to think positively maybe it's for the best (although it don't feel like it at the time) as we do at least get those times when it's not all happening , if it came bits at a time it could end up happening all the time.
Thinking of you as I know what it feels like and it's not nice.
I was talking to my counsellor about a very similar cycle on Wednesday. She asked how I'd been in the last week and I said better, but probably just because I'd been back at work. She picked up that both the second and third sessions I've made excuses for why I was feeling better, and I explained how I'm essentially the same as you, it always comes back; almost like the depression is always there in the background, and every so often a catalyst sets it off. So I make excuses because I know it's always going to rear it's head again at some point.
My counsellor suggested that maybe that's become almost a learned behaviour - a case (to a certain extent) of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like I've noticed that pattern, so I expect to get depressed again, which makes it more likely that I will. Like a learned emotional reaction to certain situations. I wonder if that's relevant?
Or maybe look at the catalyst events and see if there are any patterns - perhaps the same sort of emotional response triggers depressive feelings in you? Or particular people, maybe people you feel a kind of responsibility towards?
In any case I know exactly how you feel. That dread when you feel better that it's only a matter of time before you feel like trash again is almost worse than the depression itself...
Thank you for your reply ThemysciraDrive. I am a bit clearer about what could be causing it now after your reply. I never thought of learned behaviour before but it would make sense. Things are going well so I get scared so I unconsciously sabotage myself. It would explain a lot. I am wondering though what comes first - the depression or events?
I get this, but for me it's related to hormones. I can be ticking along nicely, with just minor upsets throughout the month, but when my period meets my depression - BANG! Everything spirals and every little bit of why I'm depressed seems fifty times worse. And massive paranoia sets in. I assume everyone is talking about me, no one likes me and a whole load of other stuff.
I think it is you, as in it's something that's happening and very real for you, but nothing that you are causing in any negative way. I'm sure you don't go around causing arguments or upsetting anybody. Families are the very worst people to fall out with because they're the friends we can't get rid of!
Thanks Lucy. I used to be hormonal when I was younger and suffer the same way as you. This is very similiar but can't be due to hormones as I finished the change around 10 years ago. I am generally a peaceable person and don't like arguments. This is why it upsets me so much. My sisters (my parents are dead) don't understand my depression or want to. They are full of their own woes and just think I am making excuses! I am accused of not caring about them but only about myself. One sister just dismisses my depression with 'what have you got to be depressed about'? and 'I have much more on my plate than you'. But neither of them have been diagnosed with depression - I have. I think they think I am a fraud. Indeed one of my sisters just digs at me constantly - but she accuses me of that with her. It's just got to the stage where she said basically that she couldn't be bothered with me any more. I agree that I can't be bothered with her any more but it is still upsetting. When my mum died in June this year the 'glue' that kept us together has worn thin and now it has broken. But for my own sanity I have to have a break from her. Whether this is permanent or not don't know at this stage.
Bev xx
Hi, I also find this happens sometimes - I describe it as like a set of dominoes on edge that collapse one after the other. I think there are times when lots of things do go wrong and other times when they don't, also when things have gone wrong we tend to notice other things more and also sometimes contribute to them happening. Also things like the weather, the time of the month, stressful periods, also contribute to things going wrong for people at the same time so that can result in falling out with people.I find it helps to write about the good times and then have things that remind me of them as that helps get things into perspective. It also helps to have a good rant here about what is going wrong! Suex
Have you tried keeping a mood diary? - note down how you are feeling each day - it may be that the incidents happen at other times but there is an underlying cycle which means you notice them more when you are 'down'.
This might help establish a pattern and give you some evidence that you can give to your GP.
As Will suggests above it could also be a learnt behaviour. I have problems with the concept of being happy which I think goes back to childhood and the happy times being when I'd get hit by criticism etc - now aware of that so mindfully try to remind myself that just because that was a pattern at one time doesn't mean it is a pattern now and I should just live in the present moment and enjoy the happiness I have now rather than living in that future moment - which might not come - and just remind myself to let go of the fear and live in the now.
Hi Hannah. You have made some very good points there love. Thank you. I am going to start keeping a mood diary too and see if I can see patterns. Also when I am feeling good I am going to try and be much more aware of what is going on and try to avoid problems happening in the first place. Thank you very much for the ideas.
family and friends will have their own reasons for getting snappy which you just can not control.
Guess you have seen the ideas written about in c.b.t. theory, i am trying to recognize how i am falling into the trap of the eight thinking traps that is common in depression. Though have to admit that it is often not until the next day that I can properly put things into perspective.
I'm expecting a naff couple of days in a week or so, I can almost set my clock by them! please please try not to turn the good days into bad days by panicing about the next cycle. right now I am trying to channel my concern about what might happen this month into strengthening my practical and mental tools to cope better with whatever comes. Mostly my worst days only last a few days so at least I know that no matter how low i reach it will soon pass over and seem like a blur.
p.s. just re read secondhandrose reply mentioning writing down positive stuff, gonna add that to my tool kit, if you do get unhappy when friends get snappy, having something written down about recent good times might help make temporary arguments seem like a small bump in the road.
Thank you very much for your reply gardengnome. I appreciate it. I have done CBT - must have a look at my old notes and google it as well. Good idea. I'm hoping you don't have any naff days at all but I admire your attitude and your strength. Keep on trucking.
Bev x
Thank you all so much for your kind replies. You have all given me a powerful lot to think about. When I posted my blog I was feeling like .... and a very bad sister and friend. It's good to know that I am not alone and that you all understand what I am saying. That, to me, is the beauty of this site. We all understand depression and we can all help each other to understand ourselves and help ourselves as much as possible. I am feeling a good bit better about myself now. I am not such a bad person after all. Bless you all.
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