my friend put 10 stone on after a break up and refuses to get any help, what do I tell him?!

[themovieaddict]

My friend split up with his girlfriend a couple of years ago, and he put on loads of weight. He says its not to do with her but has admitted that he is depressed now, because of the weight and that he hasnt had a girlfriend since. I feel that the relationship ending is the sole reason he has let himself go, but he gets upset every time i try to talk about it. He has put 10 stone on in two years and I am panicking and very upset about his health as he refuses to get any medical help and insists that the fad diets he is going on will suffice. What do I do?

[Nienie]

I have never heard that between males can have such relationship ,people said if you fell in love the best 2 way to cure is find a new one together let time to help you ,but as you said it already passed several years ,I think can try to introduce some girls to help me ,compared to yourself ,it is more helpful ,if he still insist on his own ,you know sometimes ,nobody could help unless he is would like to himself ...

[gardengnome]

food like drugs can be just as destructive and as it is healing.

You can no more tell your friend to "just do it" than you could tell some one deep in depression to just pull themselves together. Look up strategies for helping drug addicts. 10 stone sounds a pretty hard core addiction. Imagine a junky being surrounded by coccaine everywhere he looked. not easy!!!!

Is your friend afraid of being "medicalised" ? many of the so called worried well get a boost from local private therapists who don't charge Harley Street prices. A chat with a stranger might be a good start. No chance of docs or friends making judgements about him....

On the flip side can his friends simply get him involved in straight forward fun stuff that would make him feel good generally, a day at the local race track, a walk through the local park on a sunny day, helping out another mate who needs a hand, etc etc....

If he strongly resists out side interference then self help books/www sites are at least a starting point in thinking about emotions and eating for him.

You mention fad diets does his current effort have a psychological component he can use?

It sounds like a full on approach is not working, look at the issue sideways, and for now leave off churning over the subject of the ex.

Perhaps some of the other folks posting out there could suggest some sites/texts that are not so deep as to frighten him off the process of starting to sort himself out . A

[themovieaddict in reply to gardengnome]

This is awesome thank you!

[coatpin]

The first thing is he has addmitted hes feeling depressed,,, next stage, is saying well maybe talking to the gp might help, meds,,

the rest is just being a friend,, he will do it when hes ready, the more you go on, the more he will dig his heels in.

Just say you care,,, and you want him happy again,,, he needs to talk to someone,,, give him this web site, and leave him, to mull it over,,, his choice!!