Find it difficult to deal with living with someone with metal health problems

[stphnB]

My partner asked for her cousin with depression and anxiety to move in with us. It's been a few months and I find it difficult to emphasize or deal with someone experiencing these things . And it's left me not knowing how to air my emotions about it . I notice things big and small that almost eat away at my soul . From waking up to find the doors were not locked the night before to the way he sits on the couch. My partner reminds me that this person has no 1 to turn to and thus wont turn them away.

[Hidden]

Are you in the UK?

[Itachi]

the biggest thing to do is speak bout this with your partner. Communication is key. It seems like a very difficult situation but definitely. sharing these thoughts and maybe even new ideas can help a lot mate.

[CHPA]

Depression is hard. Dealing with a friend or family member with depression is hard. Whether depression or any other issue I guess sone has to decide how far their empathy goes. Obviously or at least hopefully one is committed to helping a spouse or a child. A cousin... a partners cousin. It depends on how close the cousin is. Mine are distant people I hardly know but some families are closer.

You need to talk to your partner. Is there a time limit to this relationship? Is he making progress? Is he getting help through therapy or medication or both?

Your question is a bit open ended but to be sure you can't be expected to live this way forever.

[stphnB in reply to CHPA]

Yes he is getting help . I think my main problem is my misconceptions when it come to the nature of how these things affect a person . Iv been guided by media which shows an exaggerated version of reality .

As for time limits there isn't which I guess bothered me most because of the strain on our resources . But my wife is committed to help and I took up opening up channels of communication as my default response to uncomfortable situations has been to keep quiet to avoid exploding but I've found that , that only makes things worse as my internal dialogue sways to negative thoughts which affect my own mental well-being.

Since my post taken up meditation and breathing techniques and I'm learning to talk more. As well as letting go and not internalize things.

Thanks guys for the safe space to talk about these things.

[CHPA in reply to stphnB]

There is a ton of material online and in books which talks of depression. I imagine living in your current circumstance you could write a few articles yourself.

It is hard to look at a person who on the outside seems normal and to understand how depression can take over their being in a way.

In my observation... in my reading... help comes in a number of forms. First a person with depression needs to see a mental health professional on a regular basis and this is hard to set up. There are not enough professionals and even fewer really good ones so if the first one you find isn't helping find another. It doesn't have to be a psychiatrist, sometimes a good counselor can help. Finding the right meds can help and there are different meds which work differently on different people. There is a balance been the benefit and the side affects. And then there is finding the right life which provides the right balance between challenge and satisfaction. This last part only really works when medication and counseling gets the person to the point where they can start living their life.

So it is good you are able to provide a safe spot for your cousin. I'm thinking key is to not let this episode ruin your own relationship and life and for that you and your wife need to talk. This can make you a stronger family over time.

[jaglad]

That is a tough one, but talking is key, both with your partner and with her cousin.You do not have to go into details, just try engaging with him then move on, without pressure and mention things like the door.

You could even say to him something like, O, I think I forgot to lock the door could you check before you turn in please. This may help you and give him a little purpose which hopefully leads to improving his wellbeing just a little.

[stphnB in reply to jaglad]

At first the biggest road block was convincing my wife of giving him responsibility.

Since my last post I aired out my feelings and have given him more responsibility like taking our son to school in the morning and fetching him ... I see this has given him more purpose and he seems to be more for-filled.

As a result the overall tension has eased . And Iv learnt not to internalize all that bothered me as this was affecting me in a very negative manner. Thus I reached .

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post and maintaining a safe space.