Zero libido

[steviep43]

Hi all

I've an ongoing problem with my libido. To cut a long story short I've had an unknown condition for a number of years, with doctors and specialists ruling out everything, and have come to the conclusion it's high functioning ME/CFS. I have learned to cope with it and apart from this am generally fit and well - I watch carefully what I eat, exercise regularly (lift weights 3 times a week, limited cardio), not overweight, 8 hours good sleep etc.

However I have absolutely no libido. No interest in sex physically whatsoever. Not by myself or with my partner. Mentally I am up for it. I look at people I fancy when out and about, think about it a lot, but physically I just have no interest. I can get erections so ED is not the issue, it's just that there's no urge - I NEVER feel horny. I can look at porn and get myself off most of the time, but I only do it to 'prove' to myself I can, and even then it has to be something that really turns me on - if the opportunity didn't arise I wouldn't miss it in the slightest.

Clearly this is starting to have profound effects to my relationship. I have tried to have sex and can (most of the time), but there is no interest from me and certainly I don't initiate it. It's not my partner - the attraction is still very much there - I just feel sexless, like a neutered animal. No spontaneous or morning erections either, they stopped a long time ago.

I have been treated for depression but came out of that hole over a year ago and haven't been on any anti-d medication for about 2.5 years. I'm functioning physically quite well at the moment albeit still quite tired at times, and get a good 8 hours of sleep each night. I monitor my diet to the micro level, ensuring the right proportions of protein, carbs, fats, fibre, vitamins, minerals etc. and there is no obvious deficiency. I have tried so many supposed libido boosters such as coconut oil, Maca root, ginseng, gingko, horny goat weed, amino acids such as l'arginine and testosterone boosters such as tribulus. Drs have been unable to find anything wrong with my testosterone levels, thyroid or anything else in fact.

I'm completely at a loss. I'm 38 but feel like I'm 78. Anyone have any further suggestions?

Thanks (in desperation)

Steve

[Hidden]

Steve meet your Psychiatrist

[steviep43 in reply to Hidden]

I had a long period of counselling which ended in May. We discussed this on multiple occasions and concluded it was unlikely to be psychological. I have no issue with sex, no repressed issues, no guilt, embarrassment, bad experience, nothing. My body just fails to be interested

[Hidden in reply to steviep43]

Your body may not feel interest. Either tolerate it or if you want to be aroused there are medicine also. Did you have the same feeling if you mix intimately with your girlfriend?

[Hidden]

Could be

[Hidden]

Could be

[BexyBoy]

I'm unclear from your description how long you have tried full abstention. By this I also mean having no preoccupation with your lack of libido. It could be that a period of rest would be beneficial. Most sex and relationship therapists working with couples presenting with difficulties suggest a period of abstinence until the issues have been clarified and an approach to healing the relationship has been devised. There's something paradoxical and even perverse about humans and sex. This is most obviously evident when a man has psychologically induced erection difficulties. The more he is impatient with himself and frustrated at lack of erection, the more adrenaline is stimulated and the less chance of erection. With the exception of rapists, arousal works best (usually) when we are relaxed and our attention is on our partner's experience rather than our own. Concentrating on non-penetrative pleasuring with your partner may well (paradoxically) get you eventually in touch with different and increasing levels of desire.

[jaglad]

I agree somewhat with bexy. Try to be intimate with your Partner but do not let full sex be the aim. Pleasure her, enjoy the experience, but end the intimacy with a kiss and cuddle.

Try this in different ways a few times and when you think you are ready, go for it.

[Yeahokay]

I have almost the exact same problem. I am always up for sex but I never physically want it even though I can maintain an erection. I went to an endocrinologist to get my hormones checked (t-levels and such) and everything came back fine. My only hypothesis now is that it is a mental thing (anxiety related) or a period of abstinence is required