My dad has bacterial meningitis caused by klebsiella pneumoniae . He is in the intensive care unit, kept sedated its been 3 days now . Me and my family are devastated, worried, every day feels like a drag, we just want some positive news. My dad is the rock of my family. We need him, we are totally lost without him. I am alone in the UK while they are in italy. My mum has plenty of support from my sister and all of her sisters and brothers. Air travel is currently very complicated because of covid, but it is possible. I just would loose my job here in the uk where I lived for the past 6 years. I am 25. Life is so uncertain because of the current situation governments have created, and I am worried about my future and career. But also it is extremely hard to cope with this from here and not being with my mum. In a way I feel like this is all a nightmare and it can't be happening. I feel that the way I cope with this mentally might make my mum and my sister feel worse. Arriving home and seeing dad's things without him being around would kill me. My heart hurts constantly and I am so drained. I need to be strong for him and for mum and my sister. I just am so angry because since day 1 of lockdown back in March when people started getting told to isolate, I knew telling people who feel ill to isolate would mean denying them healthcare. My dad had high temperature on and off for 5/6 days before being finally taken to the hospiral. I wondered if diagnosed earlier they wouldn't have needed to put him in intensive care. I already struggled with mental health that had gotten worse due to the pandemic and the uncertainty that it has created in my life. I have been affected from losing my nan who I was really close to, I never really accepted what has happened to her.. I accepted her passing away, but not the horrible illness she had to go through. I don't want my dad to go through that. Doctors have said that if he isn't strong enough to wake up in 5 days they will put him on life support like nan was. I feel my heart shrinking inside my chest and my stomach hurts really bad. I really need to look after my own mental health right now but I don't have much faith in the mental health system. I relied a lot on my family in the past few years and now I have to be strong enough to be able to support them. Dad did everything for us and now he needs me to be an adult and be there strong for him, mum and my younger sister who is 23. She is currently the onr communicating with hospital. I admire her strength.. there is only as much faking to be strong I can do. Honestly speakjng I am frozen and unable to even make a decision wether to stay here or go to italy . Until my dad wakes up it doesn't make much sense to go. My emotional outburst might just make things worse for them. My judgement is affected by deep trauma. I HAVE to be strong but really need the right support ..
Thank you for reading