not much fun getting older

[forgetmeknot]

My husband of 62 years has Alzheimer and Vascular Dementia, his condition is deteriorating rapidly. After suffering a series of TIA's I had to recognise that caring for him at home was having a devastating effect on our 60 year old daughter who has a SLD. Consequently he now lives in a care home. The home is all one would hope for, caring staff, comfortable surroundings, welcoming. Our daughter is blossoming once again, happy to go see her daddy with all the other grannies and grandads. He has not settled in the home, is very unhappy, cries and wants to come home each time we visit. It is breaking my heart to leave him there, although I know it is better for all of us. It's worse than a bereavement, at least that's final, this is ongoing. The professionals advise me that he will eventually accept the situation and it will get easier for me. I saw my GP who prescribed tablets to help with the stress. After reading the contra-indications I was terrified of the possible side effects and refused to take them. Added to this, I am worried that the loss of his pensions and the additional top up fees will drastically reduce my ability to secure our precious daughters financial future and our standard of living.

[Sarah_Mencap]

Hello forgetmeknot

This sounds so upsetting. I am so sorry you, and your family, are going through this.

It is would be worth going back to the GP again and explaining your concerns about the tablets. They will know more about the side effects and will be able to discuss these properly with you. If those aren't the right tablets for you, they may be able to suggest something else.

It can sound scary taking tablets for something like stress, but your GP must agree that you need them. Sometimes these only need to be short term solutions to help you through a difficult period.

Money issues are always very stressful. Have you had any advice? You can always call Mencap's helpline on 0808 808 1111

or email [e-mail].

If you want to plan financially for the future then our Wills and Trust team will be able to help. Call them on 0207 696 6925 or email [e-mail].

mencap.org.uk/advice-and-su...

They run lots of seminars all over the country. I went to one knowing very, very little and I found it incredibly helpful.

You have a lot on your plate at the moment. You are doing an amazing job juggling everything. Please keep in touch.

Best wishes

Sarah

[forgetmeknot in reply to Sarah_Mencap]

Many thanks for you reply. I have just now received the assessment from Leeds City Council detailing the charges for my husbands care. This amounts to £18,473 per annum. I must forfeit both his private and state pensions plus a top up fee. I have been unable to have a career due to the constraints of caring for our daughter, consequently I receive the basic state pension. I appreciate that my daughter receives benefits, however, combined, this is barely enough to live on, never mind maintaining our home and any holidays or run the car I need, both to take my daughter to her activities and the 50 mile round trip to see her daddy.

[jow2319]

Hello forgetmeknot

Is there carers centre near you? There is one near me and my mum found it really helpful when she needed some support. There was someone there who specialised in benefits and finding help. They may be able to help. I've just had a look on Google (I typed where I live and 'carer' and my local one came up. Give it a try. They were wonderful with my mum and she got a lot more than just benefits advice for them. They also helped her apply for a special grant at one point. Her's was to pay for a washing machine, but there may be ones to help pay for travel?

She also got a lot of help from Age UK - have a look here and see if they can help - ageuk.org.uk/services/age-u... or they may have an office near you where you could pop in and talk to someone.

I hope you can help some help. And do talk to your GP again about those tablets.

Jo

[forgetmeknot in reply to jow2319]

Thank you so very much. It is greatly appreciated, will do this. Best wishes.