We all need a rant every now and then and I guess it's my turn. (Again, sorry). Two weeks ago I felt pretty good. I had reduced pain, an increase in energy and wait for it, yes....a feeling of positivity. And it was all reflected in my bloods. I had a low ESR, good white count and a healthy amount of neutrophils.
Well, last week that all went wonky. I don't know if it was the sun, the heat or whatever but the headaches came back, joint pains, terrible nausea and I felt so fatigued that I could barely move. I took a trip to the GP, who like me was concerned that my gallbladder was inflaming and my kidney infection was returning. Antibiotics commenced and bloods done. Phone call from the GP this morning to reveal that my ESR had trebled, my "newts" had tanked and my WBC were just holding. GUTTED as I had hoped to increase my aza as this has really helped my lupus. My GP, a brilliant doctor and ex-colleague was very supportive. Now on horrid antibiotics for 3 weeks, awaiting ultra sound scans and repeat bloods. After saying thank you and ending the conversation with my wonderful GP,I dealt with this information in the most adult and proactive way that I could think of. I rolled over ( yes, I was in bed), put my face into my pillow and screamed for lupus to kindly **** off!!!
To top it off I bumped into my ex-partner the day before, you know, the one who couldn't handle having a sick, less than perfect girlfriend. I like to call him Voldemort. He took one look at me and legged it, he actually hid from me! Well, this morning it made me feel so cross. I'd love to just get up and "leave" lupus, I'd love to not have to deal with crappy symptoms and dodgy blood results, but I don't have that luxury! I'm dealing with this alone, as best I can but it is so hard as you all know.
I am so lucky to have such wonderful friends and family, but it's only this forum that really gets it. I can't think of anyone on my phone who I could express myself to in this way. Thank you so much for letting me rant. I do try to stay positive, and things have improved of late with recent meds changes but I've hit a stumbling block and fallen on my face. Just getting a bit tired of the continual dust down , get up and carry on.
Love to all and thank you x