No time or energy to argue with people I shouldn't feel bad but I do why? I deleted my sister-in-law on Facebook

[Julietsmombless2015]

Okay I know the headline of that sounds really bad I have been planning a wedding for the past year now I had asked my sister-in-law to be a part of it to be a bridesmaid and my friend and then my soon-to-be sister-in-law is my maid of honor neither of the Bridesmaids wanted to do anything with us they don't want to have any part and going to the cake testing didn't want to get their addresses it's just been a constant tug-of-war with them they didn't seem to really want to be a part of it so I have no energy right now I have brain fog I'm in pain constantly and I'm trying to plan this wedding where there's going to be like a hundred and fifty guests so I posted that I want to go see that movie instead of a bachelorette party because it's more low-key for me I don't feel well and then to go out to dinner and she commented on it that she wasn't going to go and she didn't want to go to any my wedding stuff this is the twenty-first thing that I have invited her to that she did not want to go to and I just go under it I didn't expect you to go the only one I expect to do anything with this just cuz she's the maid of honor and you guys don't want to do it any part of the wedding or anything with me at all for that matter so then she went on and she kept on trying to argue with me and I said I don't want to argue with you I'm not trying to push any responsibilities or anything on you that you don't want to do you said you didn't want to go to this thing and I said that that was fine I don't want to argue with you she continuously argued with me I just deleted her off my Facebook I don't have any time for it she said she doesn't want to plan the wedding with me and about how I didn't plan her wedding with her she didn't even invite me to her wedding or my parents by the way she's with my brother and the only reason that I have to be nice to her I didn't want her to be a part of my wedding my mom made me ask her because she said that it was the polite thing to do and now she's acting like an a****** and I don't want her to be a part of my day really anyways so I just deleted her off of there I didn't tell her that she wasn't allowed in the wedding I told her I would like you to go to these things with me but you don't want to what do you want me to get mad and force you to do something that you don't want to do and I told her that I would be happy if she joined us but she doesn't ever want to so then she went on about how much she hated me and didn't want to go to my wedding and all this other crap so I just deleted her I didn't want to read it no more I didn't care I'm sick I don't feel good just don't give a crap am I wrong. I just didn't feel like throwing daggers back and arguing with her I just I don't want to be stressed out so anyway my brother which is her husband is still in my wedding and I don't even know if he's going to go or their son for that matter I'm probably going to have to find a new ring bearer her son is my ring bearer it's just a bunch of b******* and I'm just I'm just done with it I don't like this girl she's a b**** I hate that my brother married her she just always tries to argue I'm not an argumentative part person I just don't argue with people I don't know I'm just not a person to argue especially now because I'm in the middle of a flare-up I have so much pent-up anger just from being in pain not even towards her because she's a bit I've been dealing with her being a b**** for 10 years I'm just talking about the anger that you feel from having lupus from being in that constant pain having a brain fog all those things it angers me and I feel like if I don't delete her off of there and stop seeing her stuff that she saying about me I'm going to say something that I'm going to regret something mean and that's just not me I don't know any ladies have anything to suggest I try to be nice to her and she continuously was still just hating on me and talking s*** should I just tell her I don't want you there at all what should I do

[bluebell99]

I can see this could be a big family bust up. Have you told your mother of all this going on? If she refuses to see your side then I think you will have to tread very carefully as she has her son and grandson in this even if she dislikes your sister-in-law. You have done your mother's wishes and been polite enough to ask, it is neither yours nor her fault your sister-in-law is acting this way.

However, it is YOUR wedding and you can choose who to have as bridesmaids or even none at all. If you are fine with your maid of honour then I would stick with her, after all she will be part of your new family, and it would be awkward for your soon to be husband. If you and he are paying for the majority of the wedding then you have every right to have who and what you want. If it is your parents paying you will need to be very tactful but stand your ground with your fiancé in total agreement.

Your brother chose his wife, you don't have to like her, just tolerate and make sure she doesn't get under your skin. Was their wedding a quieter affair, do you think she is jealous?

It is no excuse but have you been so wrapped up in your wedding that you have missed the signs these "ladies" didn't really want to be bridesmaids and are only doing it because of pressure from you or your family? Maybe by being nasty to you they hope you will drop them which is what they want.

I am not sure if I read properly that you have invited her to twenty one things that she has refused to go? If so, you are flogging a dead horse and to be frank she has made it absolutely clear she doesn't share your interests and I am wondering why you still bother to try.

Have you asked them straight out if they still hope to be part of your big day, either as bridesmaids or even just as guests? Be prepared though and don't get upset if the answer is no. At least you will know and it is their loss.

If it is no, then make double sure with proof or witnesses before you cancel their dresses, flowers etc. The last thing you need is to have them tell everyone you just ditched them and they don't know why. If any one asks you can truthfully say you both changed your minds and leave it at that. Ignore the gossipers who want details.

This is something that will not go away, if you don't deal with it now it will fester and get worse.

I am sorry this is adding to your stress levels and making you feel even more ill. Is there any one else who can help you with your planning?

I do hope you get it sorted out and quickly. Do not let this ruin your big day. Your actual marriage ceremony and what it means is more important than the tantrums of a couple of would be divas!

I have never been a fan of Facebook and the more I hear of friend and family fallouts, the less inclined I am to join. If you really do need it then I would trim it down and only have the most trusted and reliable people on there. You can definitely do without the rest of them.

Good luck!

[Julietsmombless2015 in reply to bluebell99]

The girl who my brother married I never got along with her because after they had a child together she cheated on him and I just think that he should not have married her because she's just not a good person and he sold for her because he was insecure and she's really mean she's nasty to my mom my mom too sweetheart that's why she talked me into getting her to the wedding because my brothers in the wedding and that's his wife and his children are in the wedding as well so I was just trying to be polite and civil but this girl hates me and she is it's a jealous thing I know that it is but the thing is she should have just said no I don't want to be in the wedding not all this crazy weird stuff all the sudden she hates me she already has her dress and she's just not a nice person and I just can't argue with people right now it's just too stressful for me in the weddings in a month we've been planning it for a whole year if she didn't want to be a part of it then she should have respectfully just said no and my mom is the one that started this little argument just by posting that I wanted to go see a movie and like I said she declined said she didn't want to go and then my mom kept pushing and I was like I don't really care you know they're not doing anything with me I'm doing things with my maid of honor which is going to meet meet my soon-to-be sister-in-law we have a lot more in common and you know I didn't say that on there of course I just said well I would like you to attend but if you don't want to then I'm not going to make you and it's like she got mad or by that because she couldn't get a rise out of me she wanted me to be angry she's trying to Rain on My Parade and it is a jealousy thing she didn't invite any of my mother's family until it was two weeks before her wedding when she found out that they were well-off and they had money when she found that out she thought that she would invite them all and all the sudden she would get a lot of money for her wedding and everything and none of us were invited and I already had prior plans and I was going across the whole country going from state to state and I had planned on being in New York New Jersey PA and I was doing makeup for a band and she told me I wasn't invited so I had already bought my plane tickets you know what I mean and I said well you know we already told me I couldn't go I can't just cancel all these things I told him I would do their makeup for their music video anyway and it up being this big fight and then we got along for years after this this happened five years ago 6 years ago she's been married 6 years now and she brings this up all the sudden now when it's a month before my wedding I was still pull it with her and she was horrible so hateful I wish you would have took a screenshot so you could see it it was crazy she does things like this though like I said she's always been vindictive and it's not even like she's jealous it's more like she envies me and she always has and I don't know why I tried to be friends with this girl for years and that's just how she is my brother said that he does not care if she drops out of the wedding he absolutely is not because he was asked by my fiance and he said that he thinks it's an honor and he's going to be in my wedding and staying there whether she does or not now I don't know what she had to say about that but I'm pretty sure he probably had a pretty hard Sunday listening to her scream at him

[Julietsmombless2015 in reply to Julietsmombless2015]

she physically abuses him and just because it's a girl it doesn't matter she's bigger than him and I just feel bad for him he's a nice guy my brother he does definitely doesn't deserve that but like I said he's very insecure and it's just what it is now you know they have children together and I don't know I try to get along with some buddies best I can I get along with everybody that I meet I'm a nice person I'm not mean and she was trying to get me to like throw arrows back can oh shoot back and say something negative and mean back and I wouldn't and that just made her explode into this horrible monster and my mom it was her post that's what she was commenting on I didn't even see it until my mother pointed it out to me and then I was like well you know I really just don't want her there now I mean this is my day with my fiance we have a baby daughter together that's 15 months old she's going to be the flower girl my brother's child was supposed to be in it he has two and a boy and a girl one of them was supposed to be a flower girl and the boy was supposed to be my ring there but I think that I have to ask my fiance's nephew if he will stop in because I think she's going to rip her children out even if my brother attends I do not think that he's going to have a say-so and whether her children go their children I should say

[Josieswolf]

Hi i am so sorry you are having these problems. I was in a similar situation. My husband's brother and his wife caused so mutch trouble they almost broke my marriage. Every time i saw them i would end up having a flare. They live about 70 miles away. We did sort things out but my marriage will never be the same again. I decided i was never going to see them again i hate them so much. In doing this i am healthier and i don't get worked up anymore.

You have done the right thing. She is someone you don't need in your life. You are suffering and no matter what anybody says they don't understand your health issues. Look after yourself and if your brother asks why tell him what a bitch his wife is and you don't need her in your life. YOUR HEALTH won't allow it. He should understand that. Stop trying to please everyone, look after yoursel. Lots of hugs. I do hope your wedding goes well.

[Polly2Cats]

Wow sounds pretty awful. My suggestion would be to spend a little time thinking about what you and your future husband want ... What aspects of the wedding are a must and what can you do without. Do you need the hassle of a load of bridesmaids that are reluctant to share what should be one of the greatest days of your life etc? Spend your energy wisely on the things that matter to you and pay less heed to fulfilling the expectations of others. X