Lupus has made me indecisive. To buy a house or not buy a house .. frightened of what lupus might do to me in the future ....

Gosh I think I'm going mad. I also think others think I'm going bonkers. I've always been kinda indecisive but oh my - this is really hard .. Well, I'm single mum of a 10 yr old boy. Still work full-time and hope to continue as doing good at the moment. Problem is when I feel good, I feel good. When I feel bad, its really quite bad - as you all know! We've been living in a flat for 7 years now and my boy is growing up, wants a garden, and quite frankly we all have aspirations, I'd love to own a house, even a small one! Last year I almost bought one, then pulled out at exchange - I got a bad bout of fatigue close to exchange and got really scared of the commitment of a bigger mortgage all by myself so i pulled out. Now I'm thinking of going for it again so have put my flat up for sale ... a week into having people coming round to see it, I'm starting to have palpitations .. we are comfortable here .. mortgage is perfectly manageable if I need to go part time , we are financially stable here if I get worse, and its easy to maintain. Every morning when I struggle to get out of bed (don't we all!) I think thank goodness we live in the flat. Then why oh why am I still trying to buy a house? Why can't I just accept that life is easier, less burden and I have security of being able to work part time if health gets worse - why do we always want more? Oh gosh, I think I feel like I want to ignore the lupus and do what I would have done some years ago had i not been diagnosed. Its always the uncertainty of the condition - what it may bring in the future that makes me stop making plans for my future. I know no one can give me the answer - but has lupus made anyone else become indecisive? I wish someone could tell me I'll get worse, I'll stay the same, I'll have to work part time, or WHAT?! aaargh. Feeling upset

[Natura]

Single mom....oh boy, can I relate. I am always wanting more, or to change things, or move. I have been trying to move my family for 16 years because we are financially burdened in this home. I don't want to give up a house, just downsize to maybe a one story house and acres that I don't have to maintain. Mowing the lawn, and raking leaves can be burdensome as you get older. But, I would move to an affordable home, like you said, something small. I don't think it's good to look to far into the future with what if's. We have one life here, make it one that makes you and your boy happy! Change can be scary. I give you credit for putting your flat up for sale. Hooray for you! Good luck with your decision.

[Hidden in reply to Natura]

Thanks so much, your reply has helped me alot! Yes we only live once! Im going to try!!!! X

[Purpletop]

The one thing that we are all aware of is time, or the scarcity of it. Because we all know how short our time is in the scheme of things we want to make sure we spend it wisely or fruitfully, meaningfully. That's why we keep wanting more or better. Nothing wrong with it.

Something has got to give, though. Nothing comes without string attached, so a move to a house with a garden will have tremendous benefits but drawbacks too. It isn't that you're indecisive, it is just such a complex situation in this case. Don't beat yourself up about it - if you feel extremely uncomfortable about the decision to sell/move, you can always stop the viewings and take the flat off the market. Once you've decided to exchange/complete, give it a while to see how it works and if it doesn't, then you can re-sell and move back into another flat. It would be stressful but my point is that there is always a solution - not the best one, perhaps, but at least a way out.

Good luck.

[Hidden]

Thank you all! Your advice is great and has really helped. Im still totally nervous about doing this but dont wana give up on life before i have to. Want my son to have a garden. So one can but try. While im still ok working full time im taking this chance. As you say, if it doesn't work out n i get worse in health, we can always downscale again; not ideal but there is always a choice. Thank you for saying im not being indecisive, thats so good to hear as everyone around me thinks i am bit loopy coz i keep changing my mind .., but they don't understand my dialemma. I like that you said im not indecisive, its a complex situation. I agree! Thanks all x keep well x