So low in motivation and energy for the past few months and getting worse. Increased the anti-depressives and waiting for an effect. All I have done today is take my son to school, pick him up at 12'ish because he was ill. Put washing in the machine and the dryer.
In my defense, I did go away with the guides on a camping weekend. But unlike usual years I could hardly walk by the evening, I was in bed before any guide on saturday night and did nothing but coordinate as we packed up. Has anyone got anything to cheer me up, suggestions such as bomb under seat etc. Got to go back to work on friday and just wish I could win the lottery. I could just pop in and help or just do a couple of hours a day voluntary. I have 9 more years before I can retire!
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Whathappned
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It's rubbish when we are so lacking in spoons. It took me a long time to 'accept' that there were times that I simply couldn't do all the things I should do or wanted to do. Eventually I stopped thinking that I 'should' do XYZ and that helped me, I think.
When you are lacking spoons, don't beat yourself up if you can't do a normal day. Do what you can and the rest can wait.
When you feel good, enjoy that time. Also try to think if there is a reason why you feel good, and can you work on ways to prolong that good feeling?
But whatever happens, it's not your fault. If you win the lottery, treat yourself big time!!!! X
Thanks Lupylass. I have been feeling particularly sorry for myself today. As with so many of us, I am not one to sit about and it drives me mad. I am usually good at keeping positive but its getting harder. At least when I manage to get out the house I feel better. So tomorrow I will walk the dogs and go from there. Thanks again
Hi Whathappned. Yes, lacking in spoons is totally rubbish! I just wish gaining more were as simple as a trip to Ikea to buy a whole new set..... (wouldn't that be great??) Back in the land of reality, I was started on Plaquenil a few months back and it has improved things a bit for me - every little helps, as they say. Are you taking it?
But I guess Lupylass's reply encapusulates it for me - for me it's a matter of trying to go with it, as much as I can, and not worry too much; including about feeling depressed. Plus seeking whatever help your doctor/the NHS can offer for those symptoms. I'm sorry I haven't got a magic wand - or a new set of spoons - but my very best wishes to you.
Hi MrsMouse, Thank you, spoons are in great demand on this site lol. I am on Plaquenil and it made good bit difference to how I felt but I think I pushed myself in December. Its a busy time normally but it was extra busy at work too. I dont seem to have recovered properly since. I had put my hours up to 30 but ended up reducing them again. I kept trying to get to this week when I knew I would be on holiday but gave up 2 weeks ago. I'm back in friday and I'm not impressed. When I am off I potter but at work that's not possible. 10 min appointment system with little give. All I can do is give it a go. Fingers crossed x
I can relate to a prolonged period of not recovering properly after pushing too much - this happened to me a few years back. Although, at that time, my lupus hadn't been diagnosed so I had to cope on my own, which I wouldn't now try to do. Might your GP help further, even if only getting you to see your rheumy in the near future and see what else might be done? (Although, from your comment re a 10 min appt system, it sounds like you may be a GP or similar yourself!) Whatever, you obviously have a very pressurised job - is there any possibility for you to change roles within your organisation/change jobs? That might provide a few more spoons.
Hope your dogs recover soon! (I miss mine, an english springer, who died 18 months ago, enormously)
Sorry to hear you lost your dog. We have had a couple leave us over they years and it is heart breaking. I was thinking of one of them on my walk today as the young dog bounced about in the grass. Trudy ,my first, loved to bounce through the fields. A bril Heinze variety I got from the Cat and dog shelter and a star. I just love dogs. We have a king Charles Cavalier and a red Staffy now.
I'm not a GP just a Practice Nurse and I have a lot of support from them at the minute. They have been very understanding, although there is only so far they can go. They need a nurse who can do the job at the speed we now have to work at. I will see how it goes on friday at least I have the weekend off. I must admit I have started checking out my pension, when I can leave etc. I started paying in to that at the age of 18 and managed to stay in the original 1995 pension so I have that on my side. Not that I will get much, being a woman who became a mum, I will never reach the 40 years full time in employment that entitles you to full wack but something is better than nowt lol
Certainly not 'just' a nurse! And a full-on job. I see a lot of the nurses at my local practice, as I'm on warfarin, and as I've got to know them they have told me about the increasing pressures they face.
I used to work for central government in a very busy role and I found myself twisting and turning way beyond my comfort zones to try to meet the demands of the job - I was 15 years off retirement. I well remember the desperation I used to feel. Very fortunately, for me, we then moved into a prolonged phase of voluntary redundancies to shed numbers, I applied, and was accepted on compassionate grounds i.e. my health, or lack of it. (Of course, with so many staff having gone or not having been replaced post retirement, etc, those remaining are now sagging with the strain and/or disliking their jobs....)
Anyhow, chin up; something unexpected may come up for you, like it did for me. It's great you have the dogs - they always lift one's mood. I'm a bit of a staffy fancier myself; they are just great wee dogs! All the very best.
Not wishing to butt in here - only to say that I agree with Mrs Mouse, you're holding a very difficult job, under pressure all the time and with so many demands on your time and emotional well being. I'm not in the medical profession, I'm a patient. But I have great respect and admiration for nurses and the work they do. I don't know how you do it, I wouldn't be able to, I know that.
Thank you to all who replied. I am feeling my mood has been lifted a little by them. I decide to get off this bed and take the dogs for a walk. I was a bit worried as I forgot the sun factor and the sun was hot and bright. Due to this I took a different route through the fields hoping to find shade. It was well worth it (be it a bit too far) as the Dene was lovely and quiet but for the birds and the noise of the stream. Very relaxing. The walk back however was hot and sticky but its all good for the soul. I think the dogs have collapsed!
I understand the lack of spoons (I think everyone here does) so don't be too hard on yourself; that won't help - she says, haha, I am the worst offender. But walking the dogs is my meditation and sanity; sometimes I move faster than others but I always love it.
Do what you can, take the small victories and don't lament the times when you don't do all you can.
Best medicine I have gotten since I got sick is my beagle pup. If i didn't have her I would be lost. Totally understand about the spoons, my younģ kidseach use up at leadt two each, but my husbands gives me a few back. I hope you get answers soon.
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